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like father like son - Both IV users, any advice on handling this?

R

roger41

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 19, 2014
Messages
1
Hi guys,
I am a 41 year old father of three boys and I just found out my 19 year old now has all of my bad habits.
I started smoking cigarettes at 13, 420 at 14 and heroin at 18, been slamming heroin since I was about 21 but have been able to built a life for myself. Have a steady job, great wife and three wonderful kids.
Mike my oldest at 19 is a chip of the old block. A lot of trouble during puberty but at hart a good kid. Found a bong in his room when he was 15, had a talk with him about the dangers of overdoing it but was ok with him toking once in a while. At 17 he bummed a cigarette of me, need one badly dad, was aready a smoker for more than a year. As I smoke at least two packs a day would be a hypocrite to forbid him to smoke. Last night I walked in on him shooting up, was hard to see but hell what can I say. Mike started slamming in his senior year of high school so no stopping him now anymore. What are your thoughts on this situation? How would you handle it?
 
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I would not be OK with this. I'm still young, and I have no idea how I would handle it. I would probably tell him all of the near misses I have had & the absolutely insane things I have done related to IV/hard drug use. IMO it's not so much being a hypocrite as I made mistakes & don't want his life to go down the path mine has.
 
It's awesome to see you posting here roger, welcome to BL.

Tough situation indeed. I don't think your son will change his ways unless you lead by example. You play a MAJOR part in his life and he would be looking up to you. Ideally the best way to go about this would be if the both of you where to seek treatment or rehab to try to tackle the problem. Let him know it's not alright. I know many people look up to their parents and see them use substances and think "it must be ok if mum and dad do it" . I'm 22, a couple years older then your son. If my dad was an IV user or just a drug user in general and he tried to give me the talk about stopping without him changing anything in his life and essentially giving advice and not taking it himself I wouldn't be changing my ways for crap. You need to lead by example. Unless this happens, I really don't see your son changing what he's doing.

Do you want to quit yourself? And what was your son shooting?
 
Captian heroin made a great post.

You really need to evaluate the situation and see what has led him to these habits.
show him the facts on how dangerous and risky it all really is to be involved with.
lastly you both seeking treatment and cleaning up would be the best bet for both of you iv drugs really are nothing to be takin lightly.
 
You never really said how you feel about it in the end...are you going to just be ok with it and end up doing it with him? Surely you are not one of those parents...I too dont feel like it is being a hypocrite because we do make mistakes and then want much better for our kids. Is he aware that you use heroin and MJ? Because I also agree that the only way he would respect anything you say about stopping is if you lead by example and show him how important it is..this is the one scenario over anything in the world that would totally motivate me to stop as it would kill me to know my kid was taking that chance everyday.

Just because you ended up doing ok in life doesnt mean he will be as lucky..so many things could happen and he is still young enough that his brain is not developed enough to be able to see around those corners that are possible consequences in life...especially if he assumes all is fine since you did it and "got away with it". I would want so much better for my children (I have four of them and one is older than your son).

I went to great lengths to make sure my kids were not aware of my heroin habit though they did see me smoking cigarettes. I also told them that I wish I had never started and that I wanted so much better for them and that it was sooo hard to stop once you started..drilled that into their heads and was finally able to give that up. I worry about my health and just didnt want my kids to take those same chances..and felt terrible that I smoked in front of them their whole lives practically..luckily the two oldest hate it and never picked it up..two younger ones are still too little.

It would kill me though to know that they were ever involved in heroin. Even though I try to be understanding and patient with the things i know they would experiment with i would never want them to be a slave to this drug and all it entails. I would hate to see them suffer or put their lives in danger every single day like that.
 
I can tell you that nothing would make me want to stop my own use more than this. I lost a son to an overdose. My guilt is indescribable though I never struggled with addiction myself. My life is changed forever. Imagine finding him ODed. ask yourself if you could live with that and still be there for your wife and other children. Use this opportunity to do the hard work to let go of your habit. You will never regret it. You will regret not doing it. You have two more sons coming up behind this one. Someone has got to break the cycle.

Have you thought of quitting? As nsa said, you could approach him about doing it together.
 
i have an 8 year old.on weekends and one week night.
he knows i go to meetings.
i have told him that daddy used to have a "drinking problem"since I'm in AA anyways
and he's in a private school where the parents are very gossipy.

that's as far as it has gone for me luckily.
my kid does have emotional struggles.different from mine but he spends a lot of time
in psychological pain.
this is so devastating to see for me and worry about heroin down the road.

will he try because i did it for almost 15 years and it shaped my life?

probably.

my kid does not know about the subs or weed.im gonna keep it that way too.
no smoking with kids even.
i smoke marlboros out the window.

if i were you i would really listen to what the previous posters has said.

this is extremely difficult and NOBOODY is judging you for your actions when in active addiction on BL the dark side.
you're home,man.

so yeah,what the captain said,no tough love,just love and understanding.

and what meyers and herbivore said too.
 
me and my son shoot up together and it kills me but i know i can't stop him and i stopped for a couple months but then my back got seriously fucked up so i was prescribed dilaudid and it doesn't do shit unless i shoot it so i'm back at it right along with him
 
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