I'm a 22-year old male. I haven't been in a relationship with a woman for about 2 years now. Because of my character, personality, and attitude, this is unbearable...
I'm a good listener so I know a lot about people's private things, I can make them talk about their view on a variety of things. And thus I know a lot of people aged 20+ don't treat their relationships seriously, in some cases it's more of a habit than a true feeling, in other cases it's a showpiece so they're not treated as people who can't pick up a girl/guy.
It's really hard to find a woman who is both intelligent and beautiful. I have quite a few complexes, this is due to my health condition. These are my disadvantages as a potential partner. Who would like to be in a relationship with someone whose health condition is that bad?
I suffer from hypothyroidism, thus have to take levothyroxine until the last time of my life. Also this disease causes tendency for depressive episodes and unpleasant physical symptoms like feeling cold.
I suffer from pituitary/tertiary adrenal insufficiency, thus will have to take hydrocortisone lifelong and not only as pills but also need a prepared shot in case cortisol level drops drastically and I am unfit for anything. Also this causes tendency for nervousness, anxiety, tiredness, and physical symptoms like cumulating fat in the region of head and neck (or even goitre). Although I'm skinny, I'm very afraid of it because one doesn't look nice after this happens.
I'm addicted to methadone. I can't taper down and I've been on it for at least 1.5 years straight. I need split-dosing. I know marihuana helped me a lot when I was in England. I could totally skip the second dose almost every day, I also tapered down my morning dose to only 10mg (I didn't smoke daily). Now back in Poland I had to increase my dose up to 25mg because I couldn't go out at 10mg in the morning. I study so there's no way I can shut myself at home.
I'm addicted to clonazepam. I started tapering down on February 6, 2012 from 6mg, right now I'm at 1.5mg - generally - but lately I have been taking more methadone and clonazepam for caffeine crashes (I don't have prescriptions for hydrocortisone yet as I have to wait for a visit in the medical centre - I need something to charge me up as I have a very busy time at my university, lots of exams; I quit being an active chemist so I don't even have access to pure ephedrine or anything speeding up not only body but also mind). I know I will need something sedating and anxiolytic but not causing physical dependence - again at least 75% Cannabis sativa indica breeds seem the best.
I've got acne problems recently. I feel like a damned teenage nightmare came back again. I don't know what happened, it may be antibiotics I took last year but does it matter now? I always had problems with skin and I used special gels etc. for washing skin and keeping hygiene. I used to have all my back in pimples (I've got a lot of scars now), so maybe something acted like pulling the trigger. My cheeks look very strange, I've never had such spots, not that they're big or have a lot of pus in them, rather they're very shallow, just under my skin and they're kind of flat. I went to a dermatologist and I got some herbal pills I was sceptical about at the beginning but my face looks much better since I started taking them. She also wanted to do something about those scars on my back so she prescribed me a retinoid derivative, she seems to know what she's doing as she told me to dilute it before applying and she told me to use only once a week (I read a lot of negative opinions about side effects after daily application of the medicine on face, people got much more pimples than they had). I'm trying to think positively here because my skin used to give me a lot of complexes and I wasn't bold enough to act decidedly towards some girls in the past because I was afraid they would ignore me just because of my skin.
I also received bad results from complex blood and urine tests. There's a quite high level of bilirubin (3 mg/dl), it looks like jaundice but skin and eyes negate it, and low level of CRP suggests there is no inflammatory condition. Anyway I'm going to do anti-HCV tests (it's impossible I got this shit during my i.v. drug use, I always cared about injection hygiene, besides I had tests for HIV and HCV done not long before I quit using needles, so it'd be truly a curse if God let that happen ;( ). High levels of bilirubin may be a result of how little I eat, no idea.
But if I caught HCV somewhere, there is no reason for me to live any more. I would never put anyone in danger. There would be no possibility to be with a woman in a deep relationship. Being an HCV carrier, I won't be able to fully fulfil man's commitment coming from being in a serious relationship. There's no chance I could have any intimate life and women do feel the need to make love. Moreover, this also means I will never be able to be a biological father and when 2 people are in a relationship, and they want to have a child, I know how important for a woman it is to have a child of her partner.
How I hate this loneliness. You can't even imagine. If I could only feel I'm needed... If I could only plunge my nose into woman's long thick hair, smell it... If I could kiss her neck, if I could look deeply in her eyes seeing she has a strong feeling for me as I do for her. I so want to face this world with someone and not be alone any more!
Otherwise, nothing makes sense.
I'm a good listener so I know a lot about people's private things, I can make them talk about their view on a variety of things. And thus I know a lot of people aged 20+ don't treat their relationships seriously, in some cases it's more of a habit than a true feeling, in other cases it's a showpiece so they're not treated as people who can't pick up a girl/guy.
It's really hard to find a woman who is both intelligent and beautiful. I have quite a few complexes, this is due to my health condition. These are my disadvantages as a potential partner. Who would like to be in a relationship with someone whose health condition is that bad?
I suffer from hypothyroidism, thus have to take levothyroxine until the last time of my life. Also this disease causes tendency for depressive episodes and unpleasant physical symptoms like feeling cold.
I suffer from pituitary/tertiary adrenal insufficiency, thus will have to take hydrocortisone lifelong and not only as pills but also need a prepared shot in case cortisol level drops drastically and I am unfit for anything. Also this causes tendency for nervousness, anxiety, tiredness, and physical symptoms like cumulating fat in the region of head and neck (or even goitre). Although I'm skinny, I'm very afraid of it because one doesn't look nice after this happens.
I'm addicted to methadone. I can't taper down and I've been on it for at least 1.5 years straight. I need split-dosing. I know marihuana helped me a lot when I was in England. I could totally skip the second dose almost every day, I also tapered down my morning dose to only 10mg (I didn't smoke daily). Now back in Poland I had to increase my dose up to 25mg because I couldn't go out at 10mg in the morning. I study so there's no way I can shut myself at home.
I'm addicted to clonazepam. I started tapering down on February 6, 2012 from 6mg, right now I'm at 1.5mg - generally - but lately I have been taking more methadone and clonazepam for caffeine crashes (I don't have prescriptions for hydrocortisone yet as I have to wait for a visit in the medical centre - I need something to charge me up as I have a very busy time at my university, lots of exams; I quit being an active chemist so I don't even have access to pure ephedrine or anything speeding up not only body but also mind). I know I will need something sedating and anxiolytic but not causing physical dependence - again at least 75% Cannabis sativa indica breeds seem the best.
I've got acne problems recently. I feel like a damned teenage nightmare came back again. I don't know what happened, it may be antibiotics I took last year but does it matter now? I always had problems with skin and I used special gels etc. for washing skin and keeping hygiene. I used to have all my back in pimples (I've got a lot of scars now), so maybe something acted like pulling the trigger. My cheeks look very strange, I've never had such spots, not that they're big or have a lot of pus in them, rather they're very shallow, just under my skin and they're kind of flat. I went to a dermatologist and I got some herbal pills I was sceptical about at the beginning but my face looks much better since I started taking them. She also wanted to do something about those scars on my back so she prescribed me a retinoid derivative, she seems to know what she's doing as she told me to dilute it before applying and she told me to use only once a week (I read a lot of negative opinions about side effects after daily application of the medicine on face, people got much more pimples than they had). I'm trying to think positively here because my skin used to give me a lot of complexes and I wasn't bold enough to act decidedly towards some girls in the past because I was afraid they would ignore me just because of my skin.
I also received bad results from complex blood and urine tests. There's a quite high level of bilirubin (3 mg/dl), it looks like jaundice but skin and eyes negate it, and low level of CRP suggests there is no inflammatory condition. Anyway I'm going to do anti-HCV tests (it's impossible I got this shit during my i.v. drug use, I always cared about injection hygiene, besides I had tests for HIV and HCV done not long before I quit using needles, so it'd be truly a curse if God let that happen ;( ). High levels of bilirubin may be a result of how little I eat, no idea.
But if I caught HCV somewhere, there is no reason for me to live any more. I would never put anyone in danger. There would be no possibility to be with a woman in a deep relationship. Being an HCV carrier, I won't be able to fully fulfil man's commitment coming from being in a serious relationship. There's no chance I could have any intimate life and women do feel the need to make love. Moreover, this also means I will never be able to be a biological father and when 2 people are in a relationship, and they want to have a child, I know how important for a woman it is to have a child of her partner.
How I hate this loneliness. You can't even imagine. If I could only feel I'm needed... If I could only plunge my nose into woman's long thick hair, smell it... If I could kiss her neck, if I could look deeply in her eyes seeing she has a strong feeling for me as I do for her. I so want to face this world with someone and not be alone any more!
Otherwise, nothing makes sense.