Life.

Everything in mine is wrong.
Family. "Friends". People in general. Finances. Now, my health. My life altogether.

I can't think of anything that makes me happy anymore. Maybe that's why I like Bluelight and PeeJ and other volunteer work so much. Helping others makes me feel like I'm actually worth something, I guess. Because it's obvious that to the rest of the world, I'm not.My own self-esteem and confidence used to keep me going, but even that's starting to slowly be sucked away.

How can you be happy when every single thing in your life is shit? I feel like I've lost myself. And it scares me, because what if I can't find it again?

And worse... what if I don't want to anymore? :/

 

You will in time. Things are tough now, but they will not be forever. Life ebbs and flows, and when in the middle of a low time it can seem like it'll last forever. But it won't.

Apathy is deadly though-- beware of that.

 

^
The best of times don't last forever, but remember, neither do the worst.

 

This may not be what you want to hear, but I felt like you do all the time when I was on Xanax. I thought Xanax was helping, but in actuality it was only somewhat covering up the problems that it was causing.

Just my experience.