Heroin Life without heroin?

[Bambooshoot]

I had my first experience with heroin at 15. I managed to stick to chasing once a month, like everyone else I thought I could be the one in a million people who manage to keep their usage to 'occasional'. I instantly fell in love with heroin like I knew I would.
Today I am 20 and a daily IV user. I have managed to cut down from doing 1 gram/daily to .2/.4. But that's as far as I think I can go with this. My love for heroin is the same as the first time I took it. Are there any former addicts here that felt this way and have managed to push through this love/addiction and lead a happy life without thinking about it 24/7?
Needless to say I lost my job/car and have fucked up a lot of relationships because of this 'love'. I feel like a selfish bitch with no willpower whatsoever. I can go through the full wd's and come out the other end no problem it's just the mental addiction I cannot control.

Thanks for reading. =)

 

[rules]

i still find myself unable to admit to myself that i will never use heroin again because i know that's just a huge lie. i know i'll be using till the day i die. the tricky thing is being responsible about it. daily use cannot be responsible imo. i use now like once a week, and i rarely find myself thinking about it when i'm not on it. self control is the key.

 

[laCster]

if you have the insurance for it, suboxone is a life-saver

 

[junglebook]

Fuck life without heroin im beggining to wonder what life would be like with heroin. Also what is it with heroin users and the way they conduct themselves when talking to you, i find it quite ironic that emotionally around here they seem to be the most open people when u really know sombody on it, they will spill there guts to you about anything same with crackheads they are just really open people wether its because they consider themselves down and out or whatever but i find them to be the most open people conversationlly then 99% of human beings. Baffling stuff. I feel what your saying with the mental addiction thats my biggest problem with other substances and i have no answer to your problem because i have the same issue man. Put simple and talking from exp i guess you just gotta find something else to take up your mental obssesion so to speak. easier sed then done i know.

 

[belfort]

i used to think i could never live without opiates but i got clean and havent touched an opiate in 5-6 years..

props to you if you can use heroin once a week and keep it that way for months..i have to be honest and say i dont know anyone that has maintained a 'once per week' schedule for too long..they eventually tumble and it becomes a twice a week etc etc..

 

[Bambooshoot]

i still find myself unable to admit to myself that i will never use heroin again because i know that's just a huge lie. i know i'll be using till the day i die. the tricky thing is being responsible about it. daily use cannot be responsible imo. i use now like once a week, and i rarely find myself thinking about it when i'm not on it. self control is the key.

Self control is always something I have lacked when it comes to any drugs/alcohol.I am going to have to start practicing... I think like yourself I am going to have to accept that I will be a user till the day i die. Which I sometimes hope is sooner rather than later after many failed suicide attempts. Anyway thanks for your input, it is realistic. A self help book on self control is in order I think.

To laCster I'm in the UK so I get free health-care. I have heard many great things about suboxone but I'm worried about ODing on heroin as I know it blocks the feeling and I don't think I would be able to stay away....

 

[R(x)AGE]

uh well i dont do it, but there is life without heroin, heroin is only secondary, if there were no life there would never have been a you to try heroin, you have the freedom to stop using it, it may be difficult, now it seems indifferent, you shoot up because you need to, but you also have the freedom to continue cutting down, recovery is a lifelong battle, you dont win all the fights, but in the end if you dont give up you can win the war. there are surely resources out there to assist you in this trying time, like others have said, suboxone may be an option, then again it may not, but there are other aspects, do you goto meetings, once you realize your problem isn't going away, you are in the positon to do something about it. Im not saying stop heroin here and now, im saying keep the idea in the back of your mind, keep pushing the dose down and down, also (this is what rehab does) if you find a distraction you will be able your restructure your life in a healthy way and the ultimate goal here is to learn to live without. like i said, heroin is only secondary, life is primary, it is your life, the heroin is only a part of your life, heroin is not your life brother, sorry for rambing, good luck

 

[Bambooshoot]

Fuck life without heroin im beggining to wonder what life would be like with heroin. Also what is it with heroin users and the way they conduct themselves when talking to you, i find it quite ironic that emotionally around here they seem to be the most open people when u really know sombody on it, they will spill there guts to you about anything same with crackheads they are just really open people wether its because they consider themselves down and out or whatever but i find them to be the most open people conversationlly then 99% of human beings. Baffling stuff. I feel what your saying with the mental addiction thats my biggest problem with other substances and i have no answer to your problem because i have the same issue man. Put simple and talking from exp i guess you just gotta find something else to take up your mental obssesion so to speak. easier sed then done i know.

I think it's because once we get over the illusion that we are in control, it's a lot easier to admit other downfalls about our selfs. I think admitting that heroin rules you is the hardest thing one has to face and once it is faced, everything else seems so much smaller in comparison. But I am just speculating....

 

[rules]

Self control is always something I have lacked when it comes to any drugs/alcohol.I am going to have to start practicing... I think like yourself I am going to have to accept that I will be a user till the day i die. Which I sometimes hope is sooner rather than later after many failed suicide attempts. Anyway thanks for your input, it is realistic. A self help book on self control is in order I think.

To laCster I'm in the UK so I get free health-care. I have heard many great things about suboxone but I'm worried about ODing on heroin as I know it blocks the feeling and I don't think I would be able to stay away....

don't be like that, man. no more suicide -.- and i have to say, maybe i made myself sound a lot more IN CONTROL than how i actually am. let me rephrase. i am also on suboxone, so when i'm not on heroin i'm not sick either. i am totally unsure of what will happen in a month or two when i'm completely off suboxone. scary times i think. we shall see.

 

[laCster]

I can do it, then you definitely can too.

Self control is always something I have lacked when it comes to any drugs/alcohol.I am going to have to start practicing... I think like yourself I am going to have to accept that I will be a user till the day i die. Which I sometimes hope is sooner rather than later after many failed suicide attempts. Anyway thanks for your input, it is realistic. A self help book on self control is in order I think.

To laCster I'm in the UK so I get free health-care. I have heard many great things about suboxone but I'm worried about ODing on heroin as I know it blocks the feeling and I don't think I would be able to stay away....

Dont worry I though I would be that way too,but on subs I have absolutely no cravings for horse, I actually am disgusted thinking about using heroin and how I used to live on dope. I am a completely a different person...like Dr Jekyll and Mr hide....

Seriously try it, and if you are on a high enough dose of sub, you could shoot a five grams at once and still not feel anything... It has nothing to do with will power, you have a disease, the disease of addictionn, and just like other diseases you need help to overcome...

I have faith in u, I can tell you don't want this for your life and that you have the desire to stop.

 

[livetheopiatedream]

You would be less likely to OD on suboxone not more likely. Ur facts r wrong.
Cuz heroin has a lower binding affinity so subs will occupy those receptors at a lesser output of activity than would exist if heroin were to have bound.
So it doesn't matter if u don't stay away the doc will keep upping ur dose til ur at a blockade level- all ur receptors are full of subs so no matter how much H you shoot you can't get high. They do this kinda thing with methadone too, but it works differently(by upping ur tolerance to where u can't feel shit)

Self control is always something I have lacked when it comes to any drugs/alcohol.I am going to have to start practicing... I think like yourself I am going to have to accept that I will be a user till the day i die. Which I sometimes hope is sooner rather than later after many failed suicide attempts. Anyway thanks for your input, it is realistic. A self help book on self control is in order I think.

To laCster I'm in the UK so I get free health-care. I have heard many great things about suboxone but I'm worried about ODing on heroin as I know it blocks the feeling and I don't think I would be able to stay away....

 

[rules]

Seriously try it, and if you are on a high enough dose of sub, you could shoot a five grams at once and still not feel anything

i wish it was like that for everyone. if that were true for me i think i'd still be clean. even on high doses, suboxone's blocking effects are relative to the individual. i'm able to get high as a kite only several hours after ingesting an 8mg strip. it's weird. but hey, if it works for you, then that's awesome.

You would be less likely to OD on suboxone not more likely. Ur facts r wrong.

i think he means using H while on suboxone's blocking effect.

 

[Bambooshoot]

don't be like that, man. no more suicide -.- and i have to say, maybe i made myself sound a lot more IN CONTROL than how i actually am. let me rephrase. i am also on suboxone, so when i'm not on heroin i'm not sick either. i am totally unsure of what will happen in a month or two when i'm completely off suboxone. scary times i think. we shall see.

I'm female but yeah i'm getting sick of failing at it! How do you work it with the suboxone and taking heroin? It is scary to think about life without heroin....

 

[rules]

I'm female but yeah i'm getting sick of failing at it! How do you work it with the suboxone and taking heroin? It is scary to think about life without heroin....

suboxone does a shitty job of blocking my overactive opiate receptors, it seems. i'm able to get high shortly after taking suboxone, then i just wait 24 hours and use suboxone again. never precipitated withdrawals. what suboxone is really good at is making your cravings go away. it's exceptionally good at that, actually. if you think you'd likely OD from trying to get high while suboxone is potentially blocking your receptors, then i'd recommend taking very low doses of the suboxone. that would be enough to keep you not craving but still being able to get relatively high (or very high) on H. also, you'd have a stockpile of a bunch of pills after awhile since the doctor is gonna keep giving them to you. that's essentially what i do now, although i was once on a very high dose when i was set on quitting but those are distant memories. i sell mine and get a lot of cash. but i wouldn't recommend that type of behavior to anyone other than me..haha

 

[Bambooshoot]

suboxone does a shitty job of blocking my overactive opiate receptors, it seems. i'm able to get high shortly after taking suboxone, then i just wait 24 hours and use suboxone again. never precipitated withdrawals. what suboxone is really good at is making your cravings go away. it's exceptionally good at that, actually.

Hmm, I think this option is defiantly worth thinking about, the cravings are my worst problem I've smoked/IVed .4 already today and still have an overwhelming desire for more. Whether i am sick or not it is constantly on my mind. Only thing I'm worried about is telling my doc I'm a user. I'm scared they will never prescribe me any pain meds again or stop my vallium that I get for panick attacks....

 

[rules]

sorry. i keep editing my posts lol. yeah, that is a legitimate problem you're going to face with your doctor. i've had anxiety as a result of using H a lot less and my doc has refused to give me benzos for it. Luckily, buspirone is actually working for me I think so it's not quite a huge problem.