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life without heroin

R

RaspberrySwirl

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 15, 2000
Messages
180
Location
fl
well, i haven't been in here in awhile, thought i'd drop in, see what's happenin in the o.d....and give a li'll update for whoever's readin this crap.
i moved away from the town of my demise, came home, figuring if i couldnt make it without here, i wouldnt make it anywhere and i could give myself permission to let go of any small part of myself that cared about life, i could throw in the towel and just say, "yup, i'm a junkie. i like being high, so high i shall try to remain" but i found myself back home, and my life is starting over...i find myself choosing life, indeed. but it's more difficult than even i imagined. i think about it as often as men supposedly think about sex. the real bitch of it is, i relize it's something you can't even hold on to.i can taste it and smell it, but i can't remember it..i want to use it again to remember it, because there is no high like it for me. no memory is good enough, and it's the knowledge i cannot take away now. i want to feel wrapped up in it's warm embrace, but i have been here almost two months and everytime i am drivin around and think of trying to find some, i drive as far from the city as i can, to give myself the moment i know i need to reconsider getting on the roller coaster again..and i seriously surprise myself, i have not looked. i hope everybody's doin ok....wish me luck kiddies. i wonder if i'll ever not have to fight for freedom from smack???
peace, love and bean salad...Lara
 
Good luck, keep it up, and most of us know how you feel! if you are clean you are doing better than me...
 
i tried it again once after being clean for four to six months. it was totally different. there wasn't the need for it, the medicating aspects, the calming aspects. it was sort of unpleasant, but the whole shooting up process was very very sexy and fun.
 
damn, yeah thats how it is when you first get off.. i've heard from some medical facts that it takes 3 years for your brain to go back to the way it was .(but i've noticed the cravings decrease fairly quick) i've been clean (from heroin) since august 99 and the only bad effects i have now are some unexpected "drug dreams" where i'll be dreaming about using again and such..i never want to use it again because i'd be at day one all over again.. one thing though.. ive noticed worse and more intense dreams about E than heroin at this point.. maybe thats because its the last drug i used. Good luck on staying clean... remember.. the addiction wants whatever it can get its hands on, but you don't want to go back to day one and start all over again.
 
Good luck buddy, keep it up, it's hard to get off of any drug, I can't even imagine what it would be like to get off of an addiction of smack. I think coming off of doing coke all the time is tough, I know, but keep it up and try your best to stay off of any other drugs. I couldn't I still smoke weed, but that was just to faciliate the cravings of getting high. I suggest to you to not let the depression of not using get to you, that happened to me. but good luck and don't fall back in to this lifestyle.
 
Being clean and staying clean are two different things. Kudos for you for choosing life, as you say, make sure though that every day you remind yourself of that decision. I've seen the destruction of this drug and it's really scary, so keep up the good work and keep it real.
 
Hi Guys,
I came to terms some time ago,with the fact that I may be dependent upon opiates forever!!
I wanted to choose life+I did,but that's isn't always enough,all you can possibly do is your 110%best,and give your full effort.
I've done about 20 previous detox attempts,some worked some failed,but my problem is that i never got any better after detox,I've gone 6months clean max. and everyday of that was a nightmare,I was still getting physical pains then,but mainly psychological.And I could never cope with living like that or going on,it was all to much,I tried my best believe me.
Opiate addiction is a deep subject,and is extremly misunderstood by the majority of people.
Anyway after figuring out I may never be able to live without opiates,I changed my goal to becomming stable and having a stable lifestyle,instead of becomming drug free which i'd been trying to do for years!
So i now am stable on a pretty high dose of methadone,its not nice being controlled by a drug and having to be near a chemist all the time+have a doc etc.But this is the price that i have to pay for getting hooked on opiates!!!
Being a heroin addict is fun to start off maybe for a few years even,but believe me it controls your life,and stops progress in all ways.
One verty misunderstood fact about heroin addiction and the problems caused by it is that the drug heroin directly has nothing to do with all the problems heroin addiction causes,Yes it's true!,the problems+misery stem from the laws controlling the drug+the price etc.!!If heroin was available to addicts through clinics,they would have no problems(honest)except the fact that they are addicted,but healthwise,pure heroin causes absolutley no problems to you except constipation!
All the trouble is caused by the legality of the drug,the police etc,and mainly the cost mixed with the addictiveness of heroin,the only reason addicts are usually poor and lots turn to stealing etc. and end up in prison is all because of the price of street heroin,These people don't want to spend there lives running around looking for money all day but the nature of the addiction means that they must get there supply or else"death"thats how the addict feels,whether he wants to or not!
So anyone who has a problem with heroin should start calling there local MP's,councillors,state governors etc. +push to change the law,
The cause of the heroin problem has to be exposed for what it is.
There are people out there dying everyday from injecting cut heroin from the streets!
The drug barons+dealers are getting rich from taking advantage of heroin's ilegality+addictiveness.
The governments could get rid of all the black market networks etc. stop all the suffering if they wanted to!
So WHY don't they I ask???
Everything I've said here is true,check it!
I don't condone the use of heroin at all,it's an addictive drug.
But the actual drug does no real physical harm,unless you inject it,then obviously your veins will deteriorate+collapse etc.
I live in the UK and the laws on heroin prescribing here are alot better than the
USA but even here,you'll have an extremley hard time getting a heroin maintenence course,unless you find a sympathetic doctor,which there are some out there fighting on the frontline for the good of us.
"Write to you president!,make a fuss,let the truth be known"
PS
If you read into the history of heroin+how it originally got onto the streets+spread throughout the western world,you'll be shocked,
apparently the CIA flood poor black communties in n.america,to fuck them up!
I think the US government have an ulterior motive concerning the drug war,and are probably profiting somewhere along the way.
If they wanted,they could buy up the worlds annual opium crop for less than half there annual budget in the drug war,so WHY NOT?
Thanks 4 listening,
Pete,N.Wales,UK
[email protected]
 
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