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Life with Paruesis (aka shy bladder, bashful bladder)

O

OnCloud9

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 26, 2010
Messages
183
Location
Ontario
Hello fellow bluelighters,

For the past few years I have been suffering from a social anxiety disorder known as paruesis.

It's a condition where I cannot urinate in public washrooms, or sometimes even at my own home because its severity has increased recently. It's a problem to even pee in private handicapped washrooms if people are within a certain proximity, if friends are waiting on me, or if anyone outside or if anyone saw me enter.

The disorder had negative implications on nearly every aspect of my life including social and family functioning, working, using gym facilities, sleeping, traveling forming intimate relationships with the opposite sex and academic responsibilities. I wake up every morning thinking about where I'll be able to go and worrying about how long I'm going to hold my urine. I often limit the amount of fluids I drink to minimize the urge to urinate. The increased severity had made me have occasional suicide thoughts, as you can tell this is a debilitating, crippling and embarrassing problem. Sometimes its very painful because I hold my urine in for several hours and I think i may of caused some problems down there. I have even thought about dropping out of my senior year of university since it has gotten this bad.

I told my doctor about this issue recently and she said I should attend counseling. Shortly after that visit I couldn't even go at home sometimes, which is when the suicidal thoughts began. I called the medical center and spoke with her and I'm meeting with her shortly for a full half hour to discuss it in more detail. There are more aggressive medical ways to cope with paruesis even though they can be very painful.

I have been on a number of stimulant medications for treating my add including adderall, dex er and ir as well as vyvanse which I think have magnified my paruesis to a certain degree. Also I have cut back on the amount of cannabis I smoke, because it makes the problem even worse.

This I believe is the root of my anxiety disorder, and has effecting me so negatively I do not even wish my worst enemy would suffer from this.

Will let you know how my next visit with my doctor goes, sorry for the longer post, but I had to tell members of my favourite forum about my issue.
 
So you've mentioned you can't go pee in public places and when people are waiting around / on you to get done.

What you haven't mentioned is why you can't go. What is it about these situations that has you holding onto your bladder?

Have you ever tried peeing out in the wilderness, in a cave or somewhere hidden? How has that worked out for you?
 
Are you having difficulty ALL of the time, or only when you are on drugs?

Opiates and stimulants in particular made it practically impossible for me to urinate while on them.
 
I just looked up paruesis and it sounds like it is considered curable through CBT. Talk to your therapist about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It sounds like a retraining of the mind is what is needed and since that is never fast or complete you will probably have to develop patience; but with gradual success you will hopefully gain enough hope back to be eventually free of this phobia. Good luck.<3
 
yeah stimulants are no good for this type of problem. I have the same issue but probably much more mild. If i am out in public say at a bar/pub/club then i get anxious about using the urinals and often just have to urinate outdoors, which is so much better and i've had people notice this about me and find it weird.

i've been nervous enough that i've gotten stuck at a urinal beside someone and had to basically pretend to urinate and finish just to avoid the embarrassment. One thing i noticed is that while i was on benzos i did not have this problem whatsoever so maybe that's a thing you can look into with a doctor. A benzo habit is terrible but if it comes to suicide or taking a benzo every day so you can live then it's an option.

I think simply_live is right about looking into the why. I think i just get uncomfortable being so close to other guys urinating that i just can't go. If someone is waiting behind me to go then it is impossible for me to urinate, it just won't happen. I just feel extremely inhibited and even get paranoid that the people waiting are making fun of me for not being able to urinate.

good luck with it all and let us know how the appointment goes.
 
Thanks to everyone who posted,

Getting back to the reasons why I can't go, according to my doctor its related to the fact that I have social anxiety disorder(also I suffer from a speech impediment). If I feel like I'm pressured for time, or someone is waiting/looking at me(in certain proximity) of me I cannot go and simply lock up my muscles down there. During the past few weeks when my puruesis worsened, for example when I wake up in the morning I can usually go, however after that before I leave for my morning lectures I cannot go because I'm pressured for time, even in forests where I'm able to go. Then I must go my lectures with a full bladder and wait in agony until I find the right handicapped washroom. I guess it has effected my self-confidence as a male as I cannot urinate like other people do and that could be a reason why I cannot go. Sometimes I even think other males may view me as a homo-sexual which has has negative impacts on my mental health. Also I've been thinking about the future and once if I do graduate will I be able to function properly at work. Drugs definitely make the problem worse, so thats why I have been not smoking cannabis much and lowering my stimulant dosage for my ADD. Robot- I have pretended to go at urinals to and it is humiliating that your just gonna have to leave to find a different washroom to go in. Robot- I understand your paranoia. Seems like you have a similar problem but it does look milder.

I am prescribed clonazepam for help with my speech impediment, which sometimes helps me go, but recently I've needed high doses which have been problematic as I cannot function at my academic potential while under the influence as increased sedation is problematic. That said it only helps me go faster in handicapped washrooms, as I cannot use public washrooms unless I know no ones in a certain proximity and sound levels are minimal to zero.

Cognitive behavioral therapy can be beneficial but with my paruesis this severe it can be extremely difficult to overcome, which has lead to believe I may have to see a urologist to ask about the possibility of
self-catherization, which sends shivers down my spine, as I am only in my early 20's.
 
i understand how frightening it is to face your fears with therapy but i think it'd really be the most successful approach. I know it's a psychological issue for me, probably going way back to my childhood. It's such a relief to have a bathroom you can know and trust, a single toilet with a locked door. Thankfully i have these at work. In public washrooms i will just use the bathroom stall instead of the urinal so that there's a lot less pressure on me. If i can be sure that i can be quick enough that no one is gonna walk in and go beside me then i use the urinal but i get pretty stressed about it anyway and if someone does come in then that is when i have to pretend to urinate. I think it's really a more common issue than people let on, maybe it would help to know that others suffer in similar ways and that it's really not that weird.
 
I have enormous sympathy for you. Several years ago, I fell hard and ruptured a disc in my lower back very severely. In doing so, it pressed on the nerve that sent the signal to my bladder. Suddenly, I was not able to urinate on my own at all. After being tested and cathed in the hospital, they came to the conclusion that I would have to self cath.

I almost had a nervous breakdown. I have ever cried so hard in my life. I could not imagine having to do anything worse. The first time I had to do it, it took me like three hours. Then, after about three weeks, it wasn't so bad. Soon enough it became routine,no big deal at all.

After four months or so, my ability to pee on my own came back, but sometimes my disc will press on that nerve again, causing either retention or wetting my pants.

So I guess what I am trying to say is that the idea of cathing yourself seems terrible, but it really is not as bad as you think. Also, I know I was prescribed a med that helped my urinary system relax. Have you tried that?
 
Good luck with this.

A friend of mine had this issue or something like it and he did get help but I think he saw a doctor and later a therapist.
 
I have this problem, though mine is mostly due to suboxone. It sucks, takes me forever to pee sometimes. If I'm out I have to use a stall and most times I have to sit down. At home, I'll run water in the sink and put my hand under the water. This seems to do the trick. Maybe try that?
 
I had an issue with this years ago - not as severe as you, but it was difficult for me. A friend recommended that I close my eyes and picture a bowling alley and visualize a bowling ball rolling towards the pins. Imagining the sound and sight took my mind off my anxiety and I'd invariably start to pee by the time I imagined the ball hitting the pins.

Kinda dumb, I know - but effective.
 
Dude I have the same thing. I have one of the shiest bladders in existence. In fact, its quite a problem when I have to take my weekly drug test as they either have to a) step out of the room for me to get started or b) wait forever.

Here's how i've gotten it to be BETTER though:
1) piss in the stall. serioiusly, no joke. I do this a lot
2) drink TONS of water. The past half a year i've started only drinking water (and milk). No soda, no alcohol, etc. It makes it so that i have to piss CONSTANTLY, and BADLY, sometimes so badly that I MUST start.

But I know your pain man. Its hard to explain just how much it sucks when you have to piss MORE THAN ANYTHING, so badly that youre shaking and cant stop moving and its starting to hurt from your bladder getting so distended and you FINALLY find a bathroom with no one in it, you whip it out and are about to start....and then someone else walks in the bathroom. And you get such stage fright that you dribble out a tiny bit and you can feel just how badly you need to go, and want more than anything TO go, but you cant stop thinking about "everyones eyes being on you"....even if theyre not.

Basically: I know your pain from "stage fright," and I know how hard it can make things. Almost impossible to use outside bathrooms and definitely all but impossible to use urinals. Thank god for stalls. I get some weird looks sometimes going into a stall to piss but I always just make some excuse if its someone I know. Everyone else can go fuck themselves i'll piss when and how i want.

I also used to get it very badly from opiates (suboxone specifically when i started), so that in combination made it so that it was basically impossible for me to piss if there was ANYONE ELSE in the bathroom. I also have gotten kidney stones.....so yeah, opiates+paruesis+kidney stone=impossible to piss. Thank god the only 1 of those 3 i've had to deal with for the past few months has been the shy bladder.

NOTHING WORSE than having to piss more than anything, and not being able to.
 
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Thanks for all your responses,

I think my problem has gotten worse unfortunately. Sometimes I even have problems voiding at home. :(

I told my psychiatrist about this and he started me on Cymbalta 30mg, and it had made the depressed feeling a bit better but I still cannot go when I want to.

At university I am unable to go at all recently which has lead to an academic downfall, and its impossible for me go in stalls, as I cannot even use handicap lockable washrooms. (most of the time)

I might need to drop another course because this problem has gotten quite severe, and I'm waiting for CBT because I heard it helps with shy bladder.

If all fails my doctor can fill out a form so I can drop all my classes if need be. Hope it doesn't come to that though.
 
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