Disocio0
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2012
- Messages
- 75
It all started when I was 17. I had recently returned home from Ecuador where I had lived for a year. My parents forced me to move there and I wasn't pleased about it. When I got home the first friend I called was willy, this friend who I always was in trouble with. I had gotten arrested two times with him. He was stoked ti hear I was home met up and first thing he says is you want to get high? Do I smoked weed for the first time in two years. He drove from spot to spot selling eighths left and right. I was so naive. I thought he was so cool I wanted to be like him. I smoked weed almost every day 4 years since that day. When I should have been finishing up high school I remember just getting high and watching TV all day while my dad was at work. My parents got a divorce shortly after I started smoking weed and I was a pissed off person very negative. Stand offish. I wanted to be a thug like willy so I started acting like one. After about 6 months since I got back from Ecuador willy and I were drift ing out in the back roads one day when he decided to meet someone. That was the first time I saw a hard drug. They were snorting molly off the back on my car. I remember my heart sinking. I was terrified. I remember thinking I'll never do that ever. Soon after I was drinking at a party. At the time I only drank socially. I met a kid named Hunter im my drunken state who will just clicked with we went to a not her friends house where there was about 10 of us. I was wasted. Hunter at some point in the night started chopping up big lines of mdpv. I took the rolled up dollar bill hesitated for a moment then railed it. I was so tweaked beyond any meth high. My jaw was clenching so hard o was just chewing through pens. It's really hard for me to put into words what happened that night it was madness it ended up with an orgy in the shower. Everyone was on it. I was so fucked up the next day when I came down. Catatonic dispare is putting it lightly. I wanted to die. It's hard to write about this because the memory is so disturbing to me. I vowed never to touch another drug and I was sure I wouldn't.
As the months went by my aditude was changing too. I only listened to trap rap music. I was dabbling in criminal activity too. Stealing, drinking and driving, dealing drugs etc. One day my best friend who is now in jail for three years for heroin possession sold me an Adderall 20 mgs xr. I took it not know what to expect. I ended up cleaning my car and I room and organizing all my things. I called him back wanting more. I used Adderall when I could get it. At this point I was doing molly quite frequently. I would roll with my friends two to three time a week for about 6 months. I would take molly and go steal out of people's cars. I would drive for hours with nowhere to go. Willy was getting Xanax and apvp through the mail. We would buy it for $10 a gram and flip it for $100. It was perfect. I didn't have to work plus I could get as high as I wanted. I got high on the supply. This lasted for a while until I went on a 5 day bender with no sleep. I found myself completely psychotic on the tip of a mountain. I drove up there because I thought people were after me. I called my friend explaining to her that I was suicidal. She came and picked me up. I was in recovery for weeks after that. So I stopped messing around with the online stimulants. Willy one night asked if I wanted to try Xanax and I said yes. I had no clue what they were or what they did to you. He had white bars. He handed me four and told me to take them all at once I stupidly did. I wake up 3 days later driving 60 mph on the highway not know where I was or what I had done. I vuagely remember arriving at home and I smashed a chair for some reason. My dad had to restrain me. This is when my tragic affair with prescription drugs all started. My dad took me to the doctor thinking I needed meds like my bipolar mother. I told the doctor that Adderall worked great for me... Baby just like that I get 20 mgs a day. For months I would just abuse them When I got my script filled I would just take ten or so at a time till they were gone I ate them like skittles. I was still taking molly occasionally but I distanced myself from my drug taking friends. DXM became my new best friend. The first trip I had was mind blowing actually the first 10 trips were beautiful and amazing like taking a vacation from everything even your body. This eventually became a regular thing I did. Over and over. I was still smoking weed every day and found that I loved mixing dxm and weed. Then came the nitrous. I got a credit card and spent $300 on whippets. For about 3 days straight I was fucked on nitrous. My friends actually cut me off by taking my cracker away I nearly killed myself. Benzos had become a common occurrence now. My ex girlfriend would give me xans and fuck me silly it was fun at the time. Three days after my 18th birthday I took 6 of my mom's 2 mg klonopin and blacked out. I woke up in jail. Apparently I was homicidal my mom couldn't control me and was scared so she called the cops. With a felony came probation. I smoked meth on and off for 6 months until one night I was tweaking at a ghetto house with scary looking people and decided I wasn't going to be like that so I quit the meth and I haven't touched it since. After eating a quarter ounce of mushrooms I went into a psychosis which caused me to destroy my bedroom and my dad had to hold me down. He told me I needed antidepressants and he was right. A week after I started zoloft I felt like life wasn't crushing me anymore. I felt like there was hope for me. Slowly but surely I stopped all the hard drugs I was on. I had a life changing trip on 25I-Nbome which I wrote about in a different post. Long story short it showed me how negative of a person I had become and that life is beautiful. That brings me to the last 3 years. For two years I was addicted to kratom. I used kratom to stop using the hard drugs which was a good thing but after two years I was up to about 40 grams a day I had to quit. I went to rehab and kicked the kratom habit. I was diagnosed bipolar and I've been on a shit load of different meds. Lithium, Tegratol, latuda, zoloft, Paxil, prozac, effexor, Welbutrin, Adderall, klonopin, Xanax, buspirone, nerotin etc. Right now im on effexor, Xanax, zyprexa and Adderall. I have come a long way. Drugs almost got the best of me I should have died multiple times. I still struggle with depression and anxiety but it's manageable. I don't even drink anymore. I hope this post helps someone. Thanks for reading.
As the months went by my aditude was changing too. I only listened to trap rap music. I was dabbling in criminal activity too. Stealing, drinking and driving, dealing drugs etc. One day my best friend who is now in jail for three years for heroin possession sold me an Adderall 20 mgs xr. I took it not know what to expect. I ended up cleaning my car and I room and organizing all my things. I called him back wanting more. I used Adderall when I could get it. At this point I was doing molly quite frequently. I would roll with my friends two to three time a week for about 6 months. I would take molly and go steal out of people's cars. I would drive for hours with nowhere to go. Willy was getting Xanax and apvp through the mail. We would buy it for $10 a gram and flip it for $100. It was perfect. I didn't have to work plus I could get as high as I wanted. I got high on the supply. This lasted for a while until I went on a 5 day bender with no sleep. I found myself completely psychotic on the tip of a mountain. I drove up there because I thought people were after me. I called my friend explaining to her that I was suicidal. She came and picked me up. I was in recovery for weeks after that. So I stopped messing around with the online stimulants. Willy one night asked if I wanted to try Xanax and I said yes. I had no clue what they were or what they did to you. He had white bars. He handed me four and told me to take them all at once I stupidly did. I wake up 3 days later driving 60 mph on the highway not know where I was or what I had done. I vuagely remember arriving at home and I smashed a chair for some reason. My dad had to restrain me. This is when my tragic affair with prescription drugs all started. My dad took me to the doctor thinking I needed meds like my bipolar mother. I told the doctor that Adderall worked great for me... Baby just like that I get 20 mgs a day. For months I would just abuse them When I got my script filled I would just take ten or so at a time till they were gone I ate them like skittles. I was still taking molly occasionally but I distanced myself from my drug taking friends. DXM became my new best friend. The first trip I had was mind blowing actually the first 10 trips were beautiful and amazing like taking a vacation from everything even your body. This eventually became a regular thing I did. Over and over. I was still smoking weed every day and found that I loved mixing dxm and weed. Then came the nitrous. I got a credit card and spent $300 on whippets. For about 3 days straight I was fucked on nitrous. My friends actually cut me off by taking my cracker away I nearly killed myself. Benzos had become a common occurrence now. My ex girlfriend would give me xans and fuck me silly it was fun at the time. Three days after my 18th birthday I took 6 of my mom's 2 mg klonopin and blacked out. I woke up in jail. Apparently I was homicidal my mom couldn't control me and was scared so she called the cops. With a felony came probation. I smoked meth on and off for 6 months until one night I was tweaking at a ghetto house with scary looking people and decided I wasn't going to be like that so I quit the meth and I haven't touched it since. After eating a quarter ounce of mushrooms I went into a psychosis which caused me to destroy my bedroom and my dad had to hold me down. He told me I needed antidepressants and he was right. A week after I started zoloft I felt like life wasn't crushing me anymore. I felt like there was hope for me. Slowly but surely I stopped all the hard drugs I was on. I had a life changing trip on 25I-Nbome which I wrote about in a different post. Long story short it showed me how negative of a person I had become and that life is beautiful. That brings me to the last 3 years. For two years I was addicted to kratom. I used kratom to stop using the hard drugs which was a good thing but after two years I was up to about 40 grams a day I had to quit. I went to rehab and kicked the kratom habit. I was diagnosed bipolar and I've been on a shit load of different meds. Lithium, Tegratol, latuda, zoloft, Paxil, prozac, effexor, Welbutrin, Adderall, klonopin, Xanax, buspirone, nerotin etc. Right now im on effexor, Xanax, zyprexa and Adderall. I have come a long way. Drugs almost got the best of me I should have died multiple times. I still struggle with depression and anxiety but it's manageable. I don't even drink anymore. I hope this post helps someone. Thanks for reading.
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