Life lately

[slowdive]

Life has been so great for the past two years, but here lately life is really shoveling shit all over my head. Every day some kind of shit storm erupts and then I am left reaching for my tramadol, alprazolam, and JWH-018.

You already know I've been on tramadol for 7 years and I'm obviously severely dependent. Well, I'm running out 7 days early this month. My brother stole some from me... I know he did. I never run out this early and I suspected he stole some a week ago. I only have about a good day or two left of tramadol. Then I will be stuck in hellish withdrawal with all the current problems in my life overtaking me.

And then there's alprazolam. Benzos have never been my thing. I always hated the drowsy state they put me in, but here lately (because of stress) I have been taking 0.5-1mg every day.

And then there is this JWH-018 stuff. It helps tremendously. Smoking this cannabinoid puts me in an extremely euphoric state. And unlike THC, JWH-018 makes me want to actually get up and get stuff done. My JWH supply is running low now, too and I may not be able to get anymore for a week. The guy is waiting on a back order of the damiena (sp?) leaf.

When I run out of tramadol in a couple of days I may have to smoke cannabis (THC, etc) if I'm out of JWH-018. I haven't smoked cannabis since January 2009 and I really shouldn't. I am looking for work and have a clean system. I do know just smoking once on a clean system and you can get it out in a few days.

My ex (and my one year old daughter's mother) has been acting weird lately. We are split up (was engaged). She is already with another guy and acts like she doesn't want to be around her kid. I have the child more than she does. Used to, if she went even just an hour without her baby, she would have a panic attack, but now she just acts like she doesn't want to be around her own child. I think she is just going through a confused state. I mean, you should see the guy she left me for. It doesn't make sense. He so...just...ugh...she's way out of his league. She's out of everyone's league...but...damn. lol.

I hope she snaps out of it soon and realizes she wants me, the father of her child, and not some goofy looking douche bag.

Anyway...I'm scared of running out of my tram. I can't get more until the 28th. And running out on the 22nd? ouch!

Thanks for letting me vent

 

[Lysis]

Hi slowdive. I kinda know how you feel. It definitely feels like when it rains, it pours. I read your other threads, because I know how hard it is to NOT be over a relationship and yet the other person is already over it and/or has moved on with someone else. It's a knife to the heart.

You have a beautiful child, though and she needs you. I am not a hard drug user, but when I start thinking about my ex and what he's doing or if he's moved on, I reach for the tram or kratom tea. I want to say "don't do that," but I totally understand where you're coming from and it's a hell of a lot better than letting your mind wander off.

You never know what will happen. She might come back. I can't blame you for thinking that way. I do for a time until I start to realize that I need to focus on me and getting my mind off of it. Do you work or have a hobby? Something that makes you feel good about yourself? That helps a ton.