Life Lately and a HRT Question for any FTMs out there in Blueville

Sweet P · Mar 21, 2010

^ Don't be nervous about the HRT. I'm not sure how it works in Canada, but here in NZ I just had to make an appointment with an endocrinologist, answer a few questions, and I walked away with a prescription for hormones! And nowadays I can get repeat prescriptions straight from my GP which saves a lot of time. I'm a MTF, but I imagine the process would be similar for FTM's.

Interested in other research studies? Find more drug studies.

ONCOR · Mar 21, 2010

Here in Toronto its a little more difficult. Some places make you live in the role for at least a year, what they don't understand is that most FTMs have ALWAYS been living the role from day 1. Like me, I have always been tomboyish, never wore dresses, 99% of my life short hair and always identified as male and not female and god forbid if you don't hate your genitils, then you obviously aren't trans in alot of the "specialists" eyes.

Some places I have heard are easy. Though I am still nervous, I am making an appointment at one of these easy places.

I am also nervous about my GP finding out because he's been the family doctor for over 30yrs, since my grandmother was in her 50's (she would be in her 90s now if alive). He is a traditional Jew, but also a pill puher that ha fucked up so much in the past I am suprised he hasn't had a medical review or suspension yet.

This easy place, it's also a medical clinic. Not just for trans but for anyone. Its like a walk in clinic / trans place to go. Its one of the most common places nowadays to go if you are trans because apparently they are non-judgemental and such.

As you know when still in the closet and first coming out more so, so drastically, its..... **pulling hair out** if you know what I mean.

I know so little trans people anymore, its kind of comforting that I know a couple that know where I come from....at least in part.

I wish I was able to go to the trans group meetings again, I had such fun there but it's too late at night now for me, having more responsibility. I need to find one in my city that starts BEFORE 7pm =/

I am sure it WILL be that easy, im sure its just my insecurities and nerves and my anxiety and let downs in the past that make me think the way I do.

After being let down so much in the past and fucking up so much in the past, I just can't fuck up in this aspect.

plus being with a man that identifies with being straight weither he really is or not, is going to be hard. They say that men who date tomboy-ish looking "females" are more open to the transition then MTFs S/O's. Not sure how true that is. The whole thing confuses me in the sexual aspect. I don't see myself as gay but I love a man and like "traditional" sex. You can guess how confusing this all is for me.

How can one go from being in a "normal" relationship to one that will be either over or in the eyes of the world "abnormal".
How will he feel from being the MAN in the relationship....the larger, the dom, the grr physical manly man - to someone who is in a relationship with a person who might end up with a more manly physique than him.

I don't think hair will be an issue, I have always been hairy, it's just the more manly looking, the more muscle, the different voice.....the whole change of what I am now to what I MIGHT become.

How can you tell the love of your life that is straight that you are not really a female?

ARGH!

Funny enough, I don't think he's 100% straight. He talk so fondly of his bestfriend (who was 100% gay) who he always hung out with, who always hit on him, who was his bestfriend and a cool guy that was manly yet femme too. I honestly think they WERE in a relationship, but how can you confront someone in denial? This man died many years ago of a heart attack.

As you can see, I think WAY too much.

*le sigh*

Why couldn't I just have been born a boy, would have made things so much easier o me, but then again I guess that's the greater plan he has for us, for us to strive in difficulty and to touch so many's lives through our journey to help them too. At least that's what they say, that life is always difficult for the good people in the world. Whatever that's fucking supposed to mean.

ARGH! I should just shut up now. LOL.

I think WAY too much.

Thanks for the encouragement though SP

ONCOR · Mar 21, 2010

Funny thing is....well not ha ha funny but just funny....

i think my mom has known I have been trans for at least 10yrs now (I has identified as trans since I was 22, but been "boyish" all my life and been bisexual (courious at least) since I have been 13.

My mom once said out of the blue, "You know, if you had been born a boy you would have been named Sebastian" and I was talking a mile a minute to my brother about something and she just came out with that, and it kind of killed the convo. - I was all WTF? and OMFG?! and YAY! in the same sentence. My mom herself is bisexual, so I have no fear of her finding out, she probably HAS always known, she's not a stupid lady.

Just to be that out of the blue just threw me for a whirl for awhile. Talk about a way to shut me up, talk about the elephant in the room. HaHa.

can you notice I am avoiding doing my daily chores here HAHA.

Sweet P · Mar 21, 2010

Yeah, a lot of countries require people to have a "real life test" where they have to live as their true gender for a year before they can be prescribed hormones. I think it's pretty stupid, especially for FTM's. When I first saw the endocrinologist it felt a bit like an interrogation! He asked me how long I'd known I was meant to be a girl, if I plan on having surgery, whether I'm attracted to males or females, and so on. He even asked something like "are you sure you're not just homosexual?" which really irked me. Fortunately my GP is really understanding (he's gay, which probably makes him a bit more empathetic towards transpeople).

It's funny, cos I really don't fit the stereotype of a typical MTF. I'm a bit of a tomboy t-girl, if that makes any sense! I prefer wearing trackpants and hoodies to skirts and dresses, I swear like Ozzy Osbourne, I've got a few tats, I love cars, and I listen to heavy metal and rap. I remember going to a few meetings for transgendered people, and feeling rather out of place cos all the MTF's were dolled-up with lots of make up, dresses, and high heels, while I was sitting there in my sneakers, trackpants and t-shirt lol. And I was also the youngest there by far, which didn't help, so I soon quit going to those meetings. But despite being a tomboy I can pass quite well for a "normal" girl, which I'm thankful for.

BTW, there are at least 2 other FTM's on Bluelight. I won't name them out of respect for their privacy, but if you want, I could send them a PM so they're aware of your blog.

Mariposa · Mar 22, 2010

I haven't seen stats on how many people seek SRS in the US but I do recall that many more transpersons who receive surgery and hormones are MTF rather than FTM.

I believe you have to live/work as the new gender for 2 years (it's possibly 1) and have an extremely exhaustive psychiatric eval including continued psychotherapy before even the initial surgery will be performed. Also, not many doctors do it here. It is most common for Americans to go abroad and do it (usually Thailand) whether MTF or FTM.

The procedure is rarely covered by insurance, but there are exceptions. If you work for the city of San Francisco, the surgery is free and I believe the HRT and medications are provided as well.

I'm hopeful that T will understand that this is who you are, especially after all this time. If he cannot - someone else surely will