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TDS Life in a small town where EVERYONE knows me as the "burnout druggie"

Get2Think

Get2Think

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 23, 2012
Messages
297
Location
The West
Can anyone relate to experimenting with pot in high school and then the entire school and then the entire valley knows that I use drugs. I've been living like a leper in a small town full of ultra competitive rich gossipers who keep score, keep up with the joneses, in California. I've moved away a couple times but because of my hard drug problems at the time I had to move back to this place I've learned to hate.

Actually the place I'm reffering to is the little wine valley from the movie Sideways. It's a beautiful area but it's really prestigious and all the high schoolers drive BMW's and $30,000 dollar lifted trucks. I've been dropped from every social group and women especially won't be caught in public anywhere near me. The only ppl who welcome me are the churches and AA. I've asked countless girls out around here and it never goes anywhere. Its sad. For a decent looking guy with a nice personality its a shame I will be forever known as "Evan who smoked a ton of weed in high school."

I think it must be a gender thing because if I met the female version of myself and she had a horrible reputation I'd still wanna be w/ her, kind of the damsel and distress thing. But the girls (at least Valley girls) are looking for some intelligent stud w/ no issues they can bring home to introduce to their parents.

So in conclusion, fuck this place. In 3 months I'll have my undergraduate degree from University of California Santa Barbara, and my family and I are re-locating to North Carolina. Once I'm there I plan on practicing extreme discretion, and possibly even avoiding AA/NA or anything that could associate me w/ drugs. I just don't want my past ruining my present/future anymore. Does anyone get where I'm coming from and what were your experiences? All the years I've been here I've basically had a "fuck them" approach. But it does hurt to be a social outcast for like 10 years. I need a fresh start.

P.S. This is random but I really resent my mother for reminding me of the fact that smoking pot is the reason why I can't get a date and have no friends. She is so anti-drug and blames all my problems on my drug use which kind of pisses me off.
 
That's insane, the people where you live sound ridiculously uptight. How can people think that of you for smoking weed? I mean maybe they'd have a bit more reason to (and still) if you were injecting heroin or whatever but so many high school students smoke weed...that's ridiculous. Anyway...
How about befriending some people at NA/AA then? If you've only got 3 months left maybe that would be enough to just get you through the final stretch? I'd recommend just trying to push it with everyone else but considering how you described them....
It's definitely best not to make your drug use too public once you arrive in North Carolina, but seriously don't assume that people are going to be that judgmental everywhere you go. I live outside the US and I don't really know what it's like there but everyone's waaay more tolerant everywhere I've been and I suspect they're certainly not like that everywhere in the US either.
 
Hey Get2Think, before I get into the nitty gritty I just want to ask how old you are now?

In the bigger cities I would not worry about having to go to programs like AA or NA because generally you can remain fairly anonymous with the amount of people in that location. If you need to focus on your recovery, please do so and don't let other people judgements make your choices for you. I do think that you will notice a huge difference once you make the move, and with the vast array of people in a bigger city you will make friends and hopefully find a lady friend in no time!
 
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Hey Get2think.. It sounds like you have a fresh start coming up.. Finishing college is huge especially at a really nice school like that, public ivy rite.. Hmm.. a couple things have my eye brows raised a little in wonderment though.. You say you are graduating from a university with over twenty thousand students in California and your having trouble because wait the whole university knows you as "Evan who smoked a ton of weed in high school." Hmm, but Evan, despite smoking a ton of weed in a California high school and having a hard drug problem has been able to stay in and is going to graduate from a school that is ranked in the top fifty in the country as well as in the top ten in public schools in the nation. My thoughts are you may just be fishing for a lady with this thread.. cause it kinda says hey i'm rich, I'm smart, I like to party, and I need a lady. If you are serious why don't you look for a lady at your school, Or you are telling me that no lady there would take a chance on a rich, decent looking guy with a nice personality who is about to graduate despite the fact he has partied and who smoked a ton of weed in high school."


Really your school here--->

Academics

UC Santa Barbara is a large, comprehensive, primarily residential doctoral university.[28] The full-time, four-year undergraduate program comprises the majority of enrollments and has an arts & sciences focus with high graduate co-existence.[28] UCSB is organized into five colleges and schools offering 87 undergraduate degrees and 55 graduate degrees. The campus is the 6th-largest in the UC system by enrollment with 18,620 undergraduate and 3,065 graduate students.

WOW.. 18,620 undergraduates and you cant find a woman.. ??

Admission to UC Santa Barbara is rated as "most selective" by U.S. News and World Report.[32]
UC Santa Barbara received 54,832 applications for admission to the Fall 2012 incoming freshman class; 24,133 were admitted (44.0%).[33] Enrolled freshmen had an average high school GPA of 3.91, and an average combined SAT score of 1852 (average SAT scores of 601 for Critical Reading, 633 for Mathematics, and 617 for Writing).[34] 25% of admitted students receive federal Pell grants.[35]
[edit]Research activity
From 2005–2009, UCSB was ranked fourth in terms of relative citation impact in the U.S. (behind MIT, Caltech, and Princeton University)

Hear is a little about UC Santa Barbara so people who don't know can now know;)


So anyway all kidding aside, I hope you are able to find someone special to spend time with. It may help out your chances significantly if after completing college you once again sever that umbilical cord and are able to keep yourself above water with the drugs, I have found that adult women may run from the living at home thing. It may be time to look at what drugs are bringing to your life and what they might be preventing, Just take an honest look at what they do for you these days, what they've done to you in the past, and what you see them doing for you in the future. If you come up with a plan of use to minimize negative aspects and it falls apart and you find yourself getting close to drowning again.. Then I think it may be time to clean up for good. I wish you the very best in fishing as well as life<3 Oh and why not throw another line out there and tell us just what you are studying and what your potential degree is going to be?;)


EDIT: You may find it beneficial to develop and nurture some strong social skills... These skills may not have been developed fully or polished if you used allot of grass during high school. Things you can do to possibly work on this in your presents situation would be to get a sponsor through the aa you re involved in and work to form a real relationship with them. Also stay around after meetings and work on introducing yourself to others and attempt to make friends and work on this skill set that will be used later. Also, no matter what the other people from, there ass don't stink California, or what ever their vintage, you will need to develop and cultivate a positive self image. You are about to graduate UCSB, that's no small feet, probably 98% of the country couldn't get in there, let alone have a prayer a graduating. also watch out when you move you might find out that you have a little Moore of MADS California in you than you think, In other words don't forget to remember how fortunate you are, clean off the hard stuff, commencing in spring from top school, moving on to whole new chapter in life in NC, with a Mom that loves you, probably with money, and your down because a few uppity rich folks (and there are a ton of good people who have money out there.. in fact never met anyone in the crazy money category that was uppity or pretentious , I usually put them in that class if they have a worn out black AE card that they regularly leave untended on the Coffey table and have no need to charter a jet because they own one, the type of people that have so much money, the whole concept bores them, the type of people you have probably hung out with and had no idea, the type of person that smiles and steers the conversation onto something interesting when ever someone, who fancies themselves rich, unknowingly tries to flaunt their wealth or all the bullshit it buys or comes with, anyway enough), have decided to do you a favor and shun you out of their live.. think about it the other way, you could be presently engaged to one of those dreadful socialites and and be three months away from being a part of that bullshit world for good. Did they get you to trade a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? Ha, your still in the fight, you have a ton going for you, be patient she will come, YOUR FREE.. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT!

Remember ALLOT of people a humping a crap job to pay for an associates degree from a local teck institute, in order to get a slightly better paying job, still in a field they can't stand, so that thier kid can have the opportunity to give his kid the opportunity to give his kid the chance to have the opportunities you have.. REMEMBER THAT AND TRY NOT TO BLOW IT.. P.S. southern girls<3 are THE SHIT;)
 
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I've been there buddy. I live on an island that's all either rich snobs or junkies. Literally no inbetween! Me and my brother weren't exactly junkies, but we didn't try too hard to stay out of trouble.. I was a pothead/ day tripper, he got some DUI's, we both experimented with everything under the sun...

Now cops eyeball us no matter what we're doing, random old guys at our jobs will say "hope you're staying out of trouble!" and give us weird looks, etc etc.

My only advice is to just not worry about it... Keep on keepin on buddy! You're young, plenty of time to change your image. Doing a few too many drugs in your younger age really isn't a big deal at all. You've got real life experience, something those snobs probably won't ever understand.
 
Wow those people sound so uptight and like they have that "holier than thou" attitude. If they can't accept you for who you are now, they're not worth your time. You shouldn't have to prove yourself to people or try to explain why you did certain behavior while in high school. The way I look at it is they either like me or they don't. The past is the past and that's where I believe it should stay. I'd be shocked to hear that they never experimented with marijuana. SO many high school kids have tried the drug at least once I'm sure. Even the parent of those kids.

On the bright side, you mentioned a move coming up. That will be great. You can sort of have a fresh start where no one will really know your past and you can just start clean so to speak.

Hopefully the people in your new town will not be as uptight/stuck up as the snobs in your old town.
 
So you live in california and you are known for being a pot-head and that's looked down upon? of all places? thats fucked up, sounds like a bad dream.
 
You need to move somewhere where there are lots of people who enjoy taking drugs.
 
All of my problems arise from my mind. If I feel judged, it is because I am judging. If I recognize stereotypes, it is because I am stereotyping. If I feel unwelcome, it's because I am unwelcoming. This goes on and on and on.

Although I am sure your experience is what you experienced, it doesn't make any of which you said the truth. Rise above labels and words and be who you are. When you can fully express yourself in the moment, there is no moment that will deny you. Within these moments are other people and situations that will feel included if you learn to express yourself fully from the heart.

I am from a small town of 5,000 in Nebraska, a place where weed is still considered up there with crystal meth and heroin. However, I rise above the ignorance of those around me. I am comfortable with myself in my own skin and do not need to feel included or validated in the slightest by any other sentient being around me, no matter their label. This is just me.

Although I may be wrong just as much as I may be right, I believe you are fighting with yourself internally. Change the way you view things and the things you view will change.
 
To the OP,what a shit bunch of people you have to put up with. They look down on you for smoking weed but no doubt some of them or their parents won't think twice about taking Xanax or some other prescribed drugs because if the doctor gives them the pills then they can't be thought of as taking drugs themselves.
When you move away I am sure you will meet plenty of folk yr own age who are into the same things as you are.
Just ignore the pretentious idiots that surround you at the moment. Let them live their shallow lives,they have the problem, not you.
 
maxalfie said:
To the OP,what a shit bunch of people you have to put up with. They look down on you for smoking weed but no doubt some of them or their parents won't think twice about taking Xanax or some other prescribed drugs because if the doctor gives them the pills then they can't be thought of as taking drugs themselves.
When you move away I am sure you will meet plenty of folk yr own age who are into the same things as you are.
Just ignore the pretentious idiots that surround you at the moment. Let them live their shallow lives,they have the problem, not you.
Click to expand...

^so true..

:!What do you mean, I cant be a drug addict/user.. my benzos speed, and opiates come in a bottle with my name on it!!! HAHAHA, Overly self righteous people are so insane sometimes 8(

Some people have to always try and hold other people below them, its the only thing that makes them feel good:(
 
Haha this is my life. I live in a medium sized city not too big not to small but the kind of city where everyone has a reputation built of he said she said. I'm consider the athlete gone bad. I have a chronic illness that went undiagnosed for 4 years at the beginning it wasn't that bad I worked my way toba top 3 in the state soccer team. Until the pain from my illness turned me to opiates and my life fell apart. Being undiagnosed I had to turn to the streets for pain meds and I'm being honest when I say my pain was so bad I couldn't get out of bed without some type of pain relief and this was before physical addiction. Anyway long story short. I got mixed up in the drug scene had a year bout with heroin before kicking for a few months. I was then hospitalized and put back on an opiate regiment and here I am. Still the junkie of my city. /rant
 
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Pagey said:
I live outside the US and I don't really know what it's like there but everyone's waaay more tolerant everywhere I've been and I suspect they're certainly not like that everywhere in the US either.
Click to expand...

For marijuana? In California? In college? *Universal* intolerance? UCSB? In these modern times? I find that hard to believe. :p

There's plenty of tolerant people in the US, especially in California. Possibly only in the right social circles though. Many people think of California as liberal hippie utopia where no one would bat an eye, but it's really a strange mix of polar opposite types. Maybe the yuppies do actually care about that sort of thing. When I was young I tended to more hang out with the artists who of course give less of a shit about mere *weed*.

Anyways, the South is far worse on this sort of thing overall (well on weed many cities aren't too bad these days, rural areas are another story) and regardless of that I always think it's wise to be discrete on illegal substance use. Most people really don't know a whole lot about pharmacological compounds. If they knew more, they probably wouldn't blindly gulp down 90% of the shit the doctor prescribes.
 
^ its odd where I reside there is a huge stigma on prescribed opiates but hell xanax is as socially acceptable as alcohol. I know people who have blacked out on xan and done horrible things and yet I'm considered the bad guy for using opiates. At one point in my life my family staged an intervention where two of my aunts who are addicted to xanax were there. They both take 1 mg ever 3 hours sometimes doubling the dose. When I asked them to also get help I was cussed Out. Man does it iritate me that I'm looked down upon becuz I use prescribed opiates yet its perfectly acceptable for them to tip toe on the edge of blacking out daily.
 
Get2Think I'm not sure what advice I can offer but reading your posts you're a dope motherfucker that seems kind, well natured and down to earth. Haters gon' hate man, fuck the lot of them. Good luck bro.
 
Run and don't look back. Saddle a mule and kick that hissy into a gallop.

(I'm dead serious, prejudice against drug use is extreme, and I'm going to be honest: once you get a bad rep in life it's ridiculously hard to wipe, because sometimes people WANT to believe the worst in you. Save the money, and run).

When you're in a new environment you can seriously reinvent yourself and mould how people perceive you to what you want (assuming you are healthy enough to do this). Then you can even visit your town and keep your chin up, because the old you no longer tangibly exists, it's history.
 
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where i live cannabis is something most people don't even consider a drug everyone is into prescription pain killers or heroin but there are social circles everywhere who will look down on illicit drug users
 
couldnt please anyone with anything when i was a kid, had very little in the way of friends... mainly due to me moving around as a lot, i was the "johnny-come-lately", so i guess you can say "starting-all-over-again" has become second nature to me.

the town i live in now knows me as the dangerous 'vet' who has a nasty weed habit, an even nastier temper and enough weaponry to take a small colony. oh, and the owner of a lil chihuahua, named "cheech".

i gotta say, moving to a new town is a great idea, however, the "bible belt" isnt where youd wanna be.

fuck people and thier politics. and good luck to ya, fella.
 
SkagKush said:
Hey Get2Think, before I get into the nitty gritty I just want to ask how old you are now?

In the bigger cities I would not worry about having to go to programs like AA or NA because generally you can remain fairly anonymous with the amount of people in that location. If you need to focus on your recovery, please do so and don't let other people judgements make your choices for you. I do think that you will notice a huge difference once you make the move, and with the vast array of people in a bigger city you will make friends and hopefully find a lady friend in no time!
Click to expand...

I'm 27.
 
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