life cycle of a drug user (why do u still do them?)

[vurtomatic]

this has probably been done before but i cant remember the threads at the moment (i believe pinger posted a most excellent one in drug discussion).

• did u just discover them?
• do u do them for a good time at parties?
• do u do them to discover urself?
• do u do them at home with friends (and not party as much, or at all)
• what kinda stages do u go through?
• at this point in life, why do u continue doing them?
  [/list=a]
  
  the following paragraphs are not very cohesive, but an estimated chronology:
  
  i started doing them to enhance the musical experience. it opened up a whole new world aurally. three dimensional soundscapes. an emotional touchstone.
  
  it was fun too ofcourse.
  
  very fun to cosume and enjoy parties with.
  
  however, always with the musical experience as a priority, right down to my choice of drugs.
  
  after a while, i gave in, succumbed, and used it to escape. went through a bit of a rough patch: drugs, alcohol, whatever works to stop my mind from working/thinking... whatever works as a switch to turn myself off, to literally shut my body down at night when i hit the bed.
  
  there was a pretty intense period when i was rediscovering myself, reinventing myself, and learning so much, from getting so thoroughly subsumbed (if that is the right word) by these chemicals. (i suspect i am still going through that)
  
  these days i find myself enjoying them more in a home environment, gives me more time to sit back, chill out, and enjoy my friends' company.
  
  i never for once tried them with the intention to learn something about myself, but along the way, i did. for better or worse, they've shaped who i am now and i am glad for it.
  
  it's coming to 5 years since i embarked on this chemical journey. recently, i am beginning to feel like i've gotten all i can out of them (my current repertoire of consumables), in terms of what they can show me, what i can learn, my personal growth.
  
  if i wanted to wax lyrical about it, i might say our lives are a lot of ephemeral moments too fast for us to truly grasp and appreciate, and the drugs help take that one moment, slow it down, pause it, and stretch it out to eternity, for that one moment.
  
  but, i think, in all honesty, i will say, these days, im doing them cos i enjoy them; there is nothing noble or ignoble in my intentions.
  
  so what's ur story?

 

[Flea']

Just woke up, and ranting is fun when you just wake up !!

I first tried them, cause it was something new, and it was different to alcohol or weed. Had a very enjoyable time. Think i had it only a few times, then stopped and returned to studies.

When I turned 18, some of my other mates had gotten into it, and we all started going out all the time.

I took them cause it was fun! They made the night with my friends so much more enjoyable, for they also took them. I can't say I ever have taken, in order to enhance the musical experience.

I can't really say why I still take them. Enjoyment, I guess. Having said that things seem to be different now, when out with my mates. I seem to enjoy myself more, when I'm not rolling.

In the past few months, the low point of my night seems to be when I start to roll. I still take them though, but It'd be one, rather than a few.

Doing it at home, has never really appealed to any of my mates, I don' think. So I only take while I'm out.

As far as comedowns, are concerned. Only recently, I have been starting to feel the effects, the week after. I've found my concentration in tafe, lacking at times. Aswell as a general lack of motivation. I also got my first hit of tuesday blues, wasn't fun at all...

Its been just over 2 years, sine my first one, I don't really think they've "shown" me anything. They've given me a lot of enjoyable experiences, but I think thats all I've gotten out of them.

Think I answered everything, thats the story of Flea !

 

[friskk]

Did you just discove them
No, i've been experimenting with them for over 4 years

do u do them for a good time at parties?
No. Going to a party does not always mean taking drugs. I can still have as equally a good time as I would if I went straight. However, yes, I do enjoy taking things at parties. I also take stuff to keep awake.

do u do them to discover urself?
Yes and No. I don't believe self discovery or elightenment is going to happen when you're off ya chops at some party.
However, I believe in an intimate surroundings with a group of friends, drugs can be used to lower unconcious barriers you may put up and allow a type of bonding that you may be uncapable of achieving straight.

do u do them at home with friends (and not party as much, or at all)
I use them where ever I want to. Whether it be parties, at home or in public... Not to say i'm going to take 3 e's and drive the streets. I try and be as safe as possible to myself and the people around me. There are different drugs for different purposes.
E.g I'd have no real issue taking a small line at work after studying all night.

what kinda stages do u go through?
My initial stage was of wonder. I wanted to do as much as possible as quickly as I could. Everything was still a mystery, still an experience waiting to happen. I would go to clubs and parties at least 2 times a week. I was working already quite a stressful and serious job and I guess the salary I received was something I was not use to. I found drugs to be an escape from the stressful life I led. They say young people don't know how to manage money and I totally agree. For someone barely 21 I was earning in the top 10 or so percent of Australia. I could buy anything I wanted (21 year olds have a pretty narrow idea of 'anything') and well the rest of the money I spent on drugs.
I tried to find out as much as I can about various drugs and then tried them.. Thank God.. I was lucky and nothing 'bad' ever happened. May be I was always around experienced users who instilled a (tinY) sense of responsibility that kept me from getting myself into trouble or may be it was just plain luck!

I told everyone I could find about my new discovery. About the feelings and joy that I experienced everytime I sampled a certain illicit substance. Some of my friends were interested, some of them were indifferent and as I soon discovered some of them thought I was the devil incarnte. I lost many friends, many close friends due to my drug use. I soon discovered that it was meant to be kept quiet and that the world was still a very shallow place.

The next stage was the stage where I did it because it became routine. I cut down my usage significantly but I still went out. There was nothing else to really do apart from just go to a club. All my friends were doing it week in and week out. Plus, I was meeting new people constantly and they would be in that magical stage and would be going out alot while I was beginning to slow down. Was I bored? A bit. I would get all psyched up and then when I got to a club I would feel a sense of disappointment. Sometimes I would take drugs because the club was boring! It was the same. I was looking for something different.. I was trying to find that magic that captured me initially.

The next stage was that of total boredom. I wanted to take a break and so I did. I only took drugs outside of parties. When I went to parties, I would be straight or have may be 1/4 of a point of speed just to stay up. I found things which I had neglected for a long time. I started to read again. I started attending short courses and really concentrated on my job. Alot of my party friends had neglected their jobs and some of them found themselves in serious trouble. I guess i'm lucky that till this day I have managed to keep down my job and exceed the required standards. I found this to occupy my time. I went back to uni and started my masters.

I'm now in the next stage.. I feel happy in this stage. It is a stage where I understand myself and I understand why I truly take stuff. I do it because they are enjoyable. Not that my life is unbareable or anythign like that. I love my life. It's just that everyone does something to relax and I have chosen to take stuff.

at this point in life, why do u continue doing them?
When i choose to take them I do so because they are enjoyable.

 

[PsychoKitten]

Did you just discover them?

Oh hell no, I discovered drugs young, too young in hindsight. Especially when looking at my younger cousin and how she’s older than I was when I started and I (hypocritically I know) believe she’s too young. I’ve been dabbling for almost 10 years now. Oh Christ when I think about it that’s a very long time.

Do you do them for a good time at parties?

Sometimes, I use them more as an enhancement tool. I very rarely, if ever do meth anymore so I no longer do them for the stay awake factor, it’s more to enhance a night that would already be made fantastic by good friends and good music. I can enjoy a party without the drugs very easily and have done so on numerous occasions.

Do you do them to discover yourself?

Oh yes, sometimes the path through the tangled threads of my heart and mind can become clear and highlighted during the experience. It very much depends on set and setting and choice of chemical.

Do you do them at home with friends (and not party as much, or at all)

I love to do them at home with friends; it’s all part of this one huge learning curve that is life. Some of the best nights I have ever had have been with a bag of chems and a few close friends.

What kind of stages do you go through?

I go for months at a time without touching them and then I tend to binge over a weekend/week whilst I’m on holidays. I don’t believe for me that regular drug use is conductive to having a successful career and studying. I've done my wow isn't this great and new and warm and fuzzy stage, and I've done the stage where I took way too much over too long, now I've settled into this rhythm, and it seems to work for me.

At this point in life, why do you continue doing them?

Fun, pure and simple; I enjoy the experience and after all if you don’t enjoy life are you really living it? Occasionally I use as an attempt to find some clarity in my crazy life, and more often I use as a sleeping aid (xanax) because I’m a chronic insomniac and a good nights sleep can sometimes mean the difference at a crucial point in negotiation with clients.

 

[Shnouzerpuff]

Did you just discover them?
Pretty much. I have always been interested in the effects of drugs from a very early age, though not trying anything mid way through my teens.

Actually even when I was a kid aboiut 8 years old I remember sneaking off with jars of Nescafe, a spoon and some apricots (to chase the flavour) so I couldn get hyper which probably speaks volumes.

Do you do them for a good time at parties?
Yes. Without a doubt this is the main place I have them now simply to get the most out of the experience, still have cash for day to day activities and to "keep the magic" for as long as possible.

Do you do them to discover yourself?
Nevere started that way but I have learnt an awful lot through my use. I think that I am a better person for it and there have been experiences on E that have cleared up real tangled mental issues. Though I pity the poor person next to me in the chillout who has had to suffer me babbling on about them

Do you do them at home with friends?
Very rarely. I have obviously done the sessions etc but with anything harder we normally all head out as a team to an event.

What kinds of stages do you go through?
I piss off my friends to no end as I am like Sickboy off trainspotting. I go through seasons.

I might have a rather intense month but then not touch a thing for 6 months after. On average I take the more intense chems once every 2 or so months however.

Why do you continue doing them?
Coz they are great fun. I have had some fantastic nights, I am still young and relatively responsibility-free. I dont know when I will stop completly but there is definately more 'party' left in me.

 

[wazza]

did u just discover them?
First used chemicals roughly 16 years ago. I went pretty hard on them for 4 years then slowed to an instant stop pretty much when I thought about my current boss not liking drugs. (stopped for like the better part of 6-7 years)



do u do them for a good time at parties?

I do sometimes. Sometimes to just help me stay awake as I just cannot stay awake past midnight on any given day if I tried unless I have taken a sleep in the late afternoon. I'm a person who wakes up at 6-7am every morning.



do u do them to discover urself?

Yes, very much so. Sometimes for the fun but most 'big sessions' are for the introspective side of things. I like to discover new things about my thoughts all the time. Also love to re-discover things about me as well



do u do them at home with friends (and not party as much, or at all)

I prefer to do them at home with friends/loved ones. Anything you gain from using drugs stays with you. Meeting randoms at some event and sharing that 'random love' thing only to lose it when they walk off never to hang out again (relatively) really pisses me off. I like to use drugs to expand and enhance current friendships with people


what kinda stages do u go through?

I have gone through many stages. The first 4 years of it was 'WOW! This is awesome and jsut tried to down everything that I could. Pretty much had every type of 'standard' drug that you could back then that I knew of'

at this point in life, why do u continue doing them?

Yes I do. I see no derimental effects from drugs on me. I'm not slow in thinking, still have retained the same quirky wit I have had before I ever took drugs (my parents attest to that fact). I may one day just feel that drugs will not have any more value to my life but until then, I will still use them the way I am now. Semi seldom (3 sessions in about 2 months of use).

Ever since finding bluelight and realising the plethora of drugs out there that I haven't tried (research chems etc), I can still feel fresh when it comes to drug use. I have been offered many drugs I haven't tried and said no as I just felt it wasn't the time to discover new drugs. I still have not gotten everything out that I have out of the ones I have ever used and think I never will anyway. my motto 'IM STILL YOUNG!'

Thanks for your reading

 

[MoeBro]

• did u just discover them?
• do u do them for a good time at parties?
• do u do them to discover urself?
• do u do them at home with friends (and not party as much, or at all)
• what kinda stages do u go through?
• at this point in life, why do u continue doing them?
  [/list=a]

• 
  
  I first experimented with drugs because i felt it was something i had to experience, before i could give shit to friends who were already users.
  I can have a good time at a party without illicit drugs. They just add a new perspective
  Nope
  Not really. I prefer to be in a social atmosphere with drugs... being home alone stoned or high or something doesnt really appeal much to me
  I roll, I get depressed, i regret stuff, I recover, I roll etc.
  I continue doing them because I can, and because i feel I have sufficient control and self esteem to not fall into a trap or become addicted to anything. A great majority of the social groups I'm involved in have something to do with drug usage, so it all seems normal to me. I do however, think theres a thin line you can cross

 

[stacyrox]

did u just discover them?

Its been almost 18months since my first experience, so I'm not exactly an old hand at them, but I'm getting past the 'honeymoon' period.

do u do them for a good time at parties?

More often than not I use drugs to keep me awake when I'm out. When I get tired I'm a grumpy bitch, and I generally only last till about 3-4am without any form of stimulant.

Ofcourse, I also have a whole lot of fun on them. I spend a lot of time under the stress of my fears and insecurities in everyday life. Its really nice once in a while to be able to run around and not even think twice about rejection or humiliation or what someone else thinks of you, coz all those fears have been masked by the drugs.

do u do them to discover urself?

Yes I do. Tho I dont use every drug for that reason, just a select few, which often make me want to relax and think. Usually the 'discovering' is more an affirmation to myself, an ego/self-image boosting thing. I always find it to be a lot easier to boost your own mental self-image when you have already lost your inhibitions.. coz you can realise that people like you without them, so basically those inhibitions that you have been harbouring due to a fear of rejection are stupid coz they dont really matter.

In all reality thats all easier said than done.

do u do them at home with friends (and not party as much, or at all)

I'd say about 50/50 between home and party use. Theres different drugs that I'd use at home compared to the drugs that I really enjoy doing at a big party. Tho they do sometimes overlap. Infact I enjoy drugs a lot more when I'm comfortable, and being at home/someone's place is generaly a lot more enjoyable (prolly coz then I dont have to feel so guilty about sitting around all night talking crap to someone and missing all the good acts)

what kinda stages do u go through?

I'll go through stages, mainly go out for a few weeks over a month or so and then take a few weeks off. I often feel drained after a few weekends with little sleep. I always like a few weekends of rest so I can get all excited about oging out again and doing the same thing.

at this point in life, why do u continue doing them?

I continue to do drugs coz I really enjoy them. Pure and simple.

stace.

 

[Cohaagen]

• did u just discover them?
  Just on a year ago i had my first pill, that was my first ever drug experience apart from alcohol. It was amazing, because it booted me totally out of my feelings of hopelessness and depression that I had been suffering for a number of years, and which had been magnified by a course of skin medication that I was on for a few months beforehand.
  
• do u do them for a good time at parties?
  The only drug that really gives me a good time is ecstacy, all the others are more for self-exploration.
  
• do u do them to discover urself?
  Yep. They have enabled me to be the person I want to be, and have made my general personality without drugs much more like the person I wished that I had been 5 years ago. Other drugs I've only experimented with, and I don't really enjoy losing control of myself, but I am willing to try new things and see where they take me.
  
• do u do them at home with friends (and not party as much, or at all)
  A few times, and I find that its always more fun. I usually have a better time at a party when i'm sober. Then i can be myself and get to know people much better.
  
• what kinda stages do u go through?
  Not really sure what u mean by this question.
  
• at this point in life, why do u continue doing them?
  To compensate for the lack of a meaningful relationship in my life. I just like feeling in love, and pills get me there. Even tho my life doesn't really have any problems in it, i would really like to fall in love... but yeah, i don't know if its gonna happen any time soon.
  Its just a way to bring some meaning into my life I guess. I've never really had a good group of friends so if i can trick myself into thinking i'm happy for a little while it does me some good. And overall i am much happier with my life now than i've ever been. Its all thanks to drugs... and to myself i guess. But i think that if i want to really meet somebody nice i'm gonna have to move away from drugs, because they do get a hold of you. Its just so exciting at first, but then reality resurfaces and ur back where u started.
  
  [/list=a]
  
  Thats it!
  
  Cohaa.
  
  don't mind me, just editing so it shows your answers rather than the whole thing as a quote from vurt. - Kitty

 

[hoptis]

Well you know my story vurt, obviously like you saw at Two Tribes, I take drugs so I can hang out at big giant ferris wheels at a rave and smile and get my picture taken with random Bluelighters. hehe

I took my first pill fourteen months ago now and oh, what a year. They were the first drugs I ever tried apart from alcohol and before them I was pretty anti-drugs.

Yeah I take pills to have a good time at parties, I don't need to have a pill to go to a party but I do find I need some enhancement at least once a weekend, usually Saturday night, whether that be a pill or a line of wizz... if wizz, then its for the energy and alertness.

Self discovery? Yes, but not in a smoke a choof or take a tab of acid and stare at the wall kind of self-discovery, I don't do drugs to discover things about myself; that just kind of happens incidentally.

Haven't been to a house party for a long time. Haven't taken drugs outside a club in a long time so no, it's not the ordinary. I'm a clubhead I guess.

Stages... hmm. Well at the start it was all new and shiny, I was unemployed and afraid it'd get out of control so I kept it to once a month for the first six months. Mainly going out with the friend who introduced me to them who was a lot older than me, first time was at a house party, a couple of times at private dance parties (in clubs) and gay clubs.

Then after six months I got a job... it paid well. Around that time I went to my first rave too, met my first BL'ers 8( . So then I was hanging in the gay scene and the rave scene. After I started living on a regular salary I just went nuts. The eight months since have been a blur, had a fucking great time, not much to show for it but some great friends and memories that will last a lifetime. I pretty much dropped every weekend in those eight months.

And now?

The period around New Years was the heaviest and at this point I'm trying to rein things in cause I know they were out of control. I kept telling myself it was alright though because I was just getting it out of my system and sooner or later they'd lose their novelty and I'd stop going so hard, but then I realised I'd probably be dead before that happened.

I'd say drugs, but specifically MDMA was one of the best things to ever happen to my life, it has changed me so much, and for the better, but they've also been the greatest challenge I've ever faced. Particularly for someone like me who has so many insecurities, pills offer the chance to overcome them and really believe you can be accepted by complete strangers. So in that way they are confronting and force you to deal with issues you have.

I'm hoping this break will last four weeks, it'll be the longest break I've had in over a year and after that I'll try to keep it in moderation.

Why do I do drugs?
- I don't like alcohol
- I like losing my inhibitions
- I like babbling codshit to complete strangers
- I like people who can drop their pretences and just be human and I like it in myself when I do the same
- They make the music just that much better
- Peaking hard is better than mind blowing sex (and don't dare try telling me I haven't had it)

Hopefully for me the next few months will involve learning how to enjoy a good night out even if it isn't spectacular and that not every weekend can be like that. Well it can... but I can't afford the mental and financial toll of it anymore.

 

[Munchee]

:D Big Ups for this thread vurt.

My initial use of drugs was curiosity. Weed and Acid were the first on the list, followed by a relatively long break.

Information was the key following that. I investigated what I could on what I had done, finding out how it all worked. From then on it has been a series of experiences that have come as expected. Based on that I would say it is for a good time, and a challenge.

Many folk who know me would realise I love the challenge prestented by psychoactive drugs. Dissociatives, hallucinogens, stimulants or just a truck-load of carcinogens, I love the challenge they place on the body and mind. I guess in a way this is a form of finding yourself, 'how far can/will I go?'. Not by pushing the bounds of overconsumption, but stimulating thought whilst under the influence... and then realising it is all but a drug and reality is a step (or 5 hours in the case of acid) away.

*n.b. The carcinogens bit was a joke!

Why do I continue to take drugs? Pleasure, recreation, heightened levels of emotion and connection.

Why will I continue to take drugs? It's a question to remain unanswered. I will continue to listen to my body, mind and soul. When I can answer that, it will mean it's time to end the ride. It is innate to understand when you are doing wrong by yourself, I hope to keep in tune with these instincts.

My cycle ends when I can be no longer happy with what I am doing.

 

[Euphoric Bliss]

did u just discover them?
friends told me how amazing they were/are

do u do them for a good time at parties?
indirectly yes

do u do them to discover urself?
i have already discovered myself

do u do them at home with friends (and not party as much, or at all)
erm no, not at home, clubs matey clubs

what kinda stages do u go through?
welllll.....i went through, wanna try scared as shit wanna try gonna try, did try, scared as shit, did try, scared as shit, did try...told my *gulp* mum and stopped...not that i stopped because of my mum...ok i guess i have to explain that i am paranoid paranoid everybody's coming to get me (damn thats a good song), um yeah and never felt comfortable before doing e. I LOVED being on e but i also know what it can do to you and when I am so paranoid I just can't do it, I don't want to ruin my life...but um yeah, I can imagine the replies I am going to get to this "why did you tell your mum" "why do you still come on here" but um yeah i dont regret anything, and i don't lie. I loved what I had, wish it could continue but until drugs aren't going to fuck me up I don't think I could do them again. I only wish i could

at this point in life, why do u continue doing them?
see above

so the question remains...why do i still come on here....well mainly for the music, and i love hearing other people's opinions on things, and well I guess coz a good friend is still on here I'm still interested...

 

[Backo]

"why did you tell your mum"
why did u tell your mum.? lol
nah i know why u did and i understand completely your situation.

did u discover them?
Yeah i kinda discovered them for myself as i first did them out of my circle. even though they already had done them.

do u do them for a good time at parties?
I dont seem them as the reason for parties but yes they do enhance the good time.

do u do them at home with friends?
nah i like to separate my homely activities from drug use. The kind of drugs that people use at home i dont like really... I like stuff that makes banging events more enjoyable.

what stages did u go through?
first i was worried a little but i couldnt focus on anything else... now its just like i could take it or leave it, if i do it, its cool but yeah im not going to cry about it if i dont.

at this point in life why continue doing them?
weighing up pros and cons, Im still happy to occasionally dabble.

Euphoric, if u are anything like me, u could never leave this site, because of its addictive properties lol.

 

[MaDMAn_Project]

a. did u just discover them?
I was always interested in drugs for their mind altering properties and started using them as soon as they became available to me. I was among the first to start using in my group at school. Maybe I discovered them, maybe they discovered me.

b. do u do them for a good time at parties?
I definitely use them for a good time at parties, lets be honest some parties need chemical enhancement.

c. do u do them to discover urself?
I use them to sculpt and augment my personality. I believe that every drug has a journey to take you on and a lesson to teach.

d. do you us them at home with friends (and not party as much, or at all)?
I do them at home, with friends and party.

e. what kinda stages do u go through?
I’m currently in a no amphetamines stage, have been for the last 2 months after another yearlong binge. I’m going to get back into LSD and take it from there, probably progress back down the line to E, until the magic wears off again and take another break.

f. at this point in life, why do u continue doing them?
At this point, I continue using them because I believe I have not yet explored all they have to offer.