a continuation...
After the sun rose the next morning Mario and his son roused themselves out of their drunken revelry and announced that we would be heading back into the interior, where our town, San Francisco- aka "San Franz"-sits. I was still sitting there talking to Lovely but of course, reluctantly, had no choice but to take my leave. Getting her cellphone number, and vowing to text each other, I climbed into the driver's seat of the Nissan-one of our SUVs- and took care of the driving since Mario could barely keep his eyes open.
Over the following two and a half weeks I found excuse after excuse to make my way back to the coast. Claiming I needed to buy morphine, despite literally.having five ounces and change...claiming I wanted to take a bigger role in dealing with our rice distributors and buyers...claiming that I wanted to check up on our ten-wheeler drivers...and yet I fooled noone, let alone myself. Still, it was well worth it as I became a regular fixture in Lovely's family home. As is almost always the case with Filipinos, after spending a few days with the family it was as if I had known them all forever.
By the end of that first week it was clear that Lovely considered me to be her boyfriend. By the middle of the second week we were chatting on Yahoo when she non-chalantly informed me that her mother and her eldest sister- the aforementioned Filipina living jn Maryland, in the US- wished to "speak" to Lovely and myself in a Group Chat. Nervously, knowing that her family was fully aware of my marriage to Rizza, I accepted the "Invite" and strapped on my helmet. Seconds after entering the fray, Lovely addressed both women and said, in English, "I would like to introduce Rachamim Ra'anan Ben Ami, the man I am going to marry." I dont know why I took her seriously with that opening gambit but serious she was. Her eldest sistet, after a pause of several seconds, expressed her shock but her happiness as well. Lovely's mother congratulated her daughter.
In the West, a 22 year old girl who has never had a boyfriend, and who less than two weeks after meeting a man definatively announces her intentions to marry him, would undoubtedky be written off as a pathetic basketcase. How much more for a girl who never even bothered to consult her paramour? Of course, all things considered, a 22 year old Western girl who had never even had a boyfriend would be perceived, at the very least, as damaged goods. Here in the Southern Philippines it is par for the course.
As I sat there dumbfounded, the three of them began planning an engagement party (first week of May) and of course, the wedding, for December of 2012 so as to facilitate the eldest sister's attendance and participation. Of course they are extremely optimistic since I am still married to Rizza and divorce is non-existent in the Philippines (unless one is a Muslim since they have a parallel legal code based entirely upon Shari'a, or, Islamic Jurisprudence, and of cpurse Islam has no qualms about permitting divorce).
The next week or so was spent hashing out that issue. A little known loophole exists in Philippine Law that allows foreign spouses to seek divorce in their country of origin
If the foreign spouse obtains the divorce, either they or their Filipino spouse can then petition the Philippine Courts to enter a Judgement of Recognition. If granted, the marriage is negated (nullified), if not actually granted a Judgement of Divorce. Issues such as Child Custody and Division of Property however, must then be remedied through civil actions in the Philippines, a torturously long and arduous process that could easily take several yeats (making Child Custody a moot issue).
We also considered simply doing a Legal Name Change (for me) in New York City. My American passport would then reflect this new name, thereby allowing me to commit.bigamy without fear of prosecution. Actually, the Name Change would be a redundant safety valve since the Philippines is full of people who marry several times over the course of a lifetime, since, as I previously noted, divorce is non-existent. Still, bigamy isnt something I aspire to. In fact, it amazed me that Lovely and her family could even consider such a move.
As it turns out, marriage here is almost always about appearances and preserving/saving face. That isnt to suggest that Filipinos undervalue the sanctity of marriage. Indeed, Filipinas at least truly believe in marrying a single time. Taking a view that commitment need not rest upon a piece of paper.
to be continued...
After the sun rose the next morning Mario and his son roused themselves out of their drunken revelry and announced that we would be heading back into the interior, where our town, San Francisco- aka "San Franz"-sits. I was still sitting there talking to Lovely but of course, reluctantly, had no choice but to take my leave. Getting her cellphone number, and vowing to text each other, I climbed into the driver's seat of the Nissan-one of our SUVs- and took care of the driving since Mario could barely keep his eyes open.
Over the following two and a half weeks I found excuse after excuse to make my way back to the coast. Claiming I needed to buy morphine, despite literally.having five ounces and change...claiming I wanted to take a bigger role in dealing with our rice distributors and buyers...claiming that I wanted to check up on our ten-wheeler drivers...and yet I fooled noone, let alone myself. Still, it was well worth it as I became a regular fixture in Lovely's family home. As is almost always the case with Filipinos, after spending a few days with the family it was as if I had known them all forever.
By the end of that first week it was clear that Lovely considered me to be her boyfriend. By the middle of the second week we were chatting on Yahoo when she non-chalantly informed me that her mother and her eldest sister- the aforementioned Filipina living jn Maryland, in the US- wished to "speak" to Lovely and myself in a Group Chat. Nervously, knowing that her family was fully aware of my marriage to Rizza, I accepted the "Invite" and strapped on my helmet. Seconds after entering the fray, Lovely addressed both women and said, in English, "I would like to introduce Rachamim Ra'anan Ben Ami, the man I am going to marry." I dont know why I took her seriously with that opening gambit but serious she was. Her eldest sistet, after a pause of several seconds, expressed her shock but her happiness as well. Lovely's mother congratulated her daughter.
In the West, a 22 year old girl who has never had a boyfriend, and who less than two weeks after meeting a man definatively announces her intentions to marry him, would undoubtedky be written off as a pathetic basketcase. How much more for a girl who never even bothered to consult her paramour? Of course, all things considered, a 22 year old Western girl who had never even had a boyfriend would be perceived, at the very least, as damaged goods. Here in the Southern Philippines it is par for the course.
As I sat there dumbfounded, the three of them began planning an engagement party (first week of May) and of course, the wedding, for December of 2012 so as to facilitate the eldest sister's attendance and participation. Of course they are extremely optimistic since I am still married to Rizza and divorce is non-existent in the Philippines (unless one is a Muslim since they have a parallel legal code based entirely upon Shari'a, or, Islamic Jurisprudence, and of cpurse Islam has no qualms about permitting divorce).
The next week or so was spent hashing out that issue. A little known loophole exists in Philippine Law that allows foreign spouses to seek divorce in their country of origin
If the foreign spouse obtains the divorce, either they or their Filipino spouse can then petition the Philippine Courts to enter a Judgement of Recognition. If granted, the marriage is negated (nullified), if not actually granted a Judgement of Divorce. Issues such as Child Custody and Division of Property however, must then be remedied through civil actions in the Philippines, a torturously long and arduous process that could easily take several yeats (making Child Custody a moot issue).
We also considered simply doing a Legal Name Change (for me) in New York City. My American passport would then reflect this new name, thereby allowing me to commit.bigamy without fear of prosecution. Actually, the Name Change would be a redundant safety valve since the Philippines is full of people who marry several times over the course of a lifetime, since, as I previously noted, divorce is non-existent. Still, bigamy isnt something I aspire to. In fact, it amazed me that Lovely and her family could even consider such a move.
As it turns out, marriage here is almost always about appearances and preserving/saving face. That isnt to suggest that Filipinos undervalue the sanctity of marriage. Indeed, Filipinas at least truly believe in marrying a single time. Taking a view that commitment need not rest upon a piece of paper.
to be continued...
