Life after mild heroin addiction

[Intrinsic man]

Hello everyone,

I have been using opiates recreationally for the past 4 years or so. About a year ago I began using heroin as my hydrocodone habit was becoming impractical and expensive. Anyways, within the past couple months my use has gotten out of hand. I began using every other day about .2 each time. Sometimes I would use consecutive days and I knew I was just on the edge of a physical addiction. About a week and a half ago I used 4 days in a row and found myself sick for the first time in my life a couple days later. My sickness was very mild (although I have no reference point). I was cold as hell, weak, sore, and a little anxious and depressed. Right now I am rationing an 8 mg subutex pill over 3 days and then I am going to get clean, I don't want my physical addiction to get any worse and I would like to be able to occasionally use at some point down the road with out having to worry about physical WD's... I hope I haven't ruined opiates forever. For now though I want to stay clean indefinitely. I have also made the decision to move; get away from the bad influence and move somewhere I can focus on school and my future without being able to score whenever I want. I think this is the best thing for me right now as it would be nearly impossible for me to really get clean with it being so accessible.

My question for you all is what is life after a habit such as mine? Will I ever go back to being normal, as in not thinking about getting high 40 times a day? Do you think this acute stint with physical wd's is enough to "ruin" recreational usage of opiates for me? I know this may sound contradictory; I do want to truly get clean from dope but I would like to be able to take opiates responsibly again at some point in my life, go back to taking hydrocodone once every blue moon while I catch a movie or something. I know this is typically considered impossible for addicts, but since I'm only at the tip of the iceberg as far as my addiction goes I was hoping that wouldn't be the case.

I don't really know what to expect from the future but I am serious about not letting this addiction get any worse and I am confident I can handle this. Any advice would be much appreciated, I know a lot of you have been down this road before. Thanks.

 

[Corazon]

Yea after several months you pretty much get back to baseline physically and in terms of cravings. Occasionally you will rationalize that it was all positive and that you have the discipline to only use recreationally and then you will have to shake those irrational thoughts.

Yea you "ruined" recreational opiates, back when you started using heroin every other day.

 

[lolwhatzdrugs]

Yes you will. But you seem to have been a pretty good weekend warrior, using every other day (and not feeling like shit on the day between) only using consecutively recently. Your withdrawal should be pretty easy and short - search for withdrawal help threads if you need support, there are plenty of things that can make you feel almost ok, like loperamide and other stuff.

It may be hard not to use after four years of use, and the PAWs will suck, but it is doable.

Once the acute w/d is over, you need to cut ties with friends you associate with opioid use for awhile, and find things you enjoy doing while not high.

 

[Intrinsic man]

It may be hard not to use after four years of use, and the PAWs will suck, but it is doable.

Thanks for the replies.

Does PAWS only occur after physical WD? I have gone without opiates for extended periods of time with out experiencing PAWS, sure I would have some cravings but that was it. In January of this year, for instance, I vacationed in California for over a week during which I didn't have access to opiates and I was fine. It's only the past month of using every other day plus the 4 consecutive days that is now causing me to have mild WD, will I experience PAWS because of this?

 

[lolwhatzdrugs]

PAWS=Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome, meaning - yes after the acute withdrawal. The cravings, depression/bad mind state could indeed be paws.

Your use seems pretty minimal and controlled. You will probably have PAWS, but there are varying amounts depending on use, and you might be the kind of person who can easy keep busy and not return to opioids.

 

[Oxy_Ghost]

I was a oxycodone user for a little over 4 years and the last month of my use I used heroin everyday. Around .2-.5 grams a day, some times twice a day. IMO your lucky you kept it at a rec use. At first I just used recreationally and then it got to where I wanted the drugs to just not feel sick, it wasn't so much that I wanted to get high, I just didn't wanna feel like shit. My withdrawals would start around 6-8 hours after my last dose so it was an everyday battle.

Opiates will grab ass quick, especially H. After only a month of use I was starting to notice that the .1 or .2 just wasn't doing the job anymore. But yeah you could experience minor PAWS since you didn't get too awful bad. I'm almost 30 days clean and it's still hittin me hard. I kinda expected it though and I know it's gonna last even longer. It scary when you first experience withdrawals. I know it scared me but I never thought it would get as bad as it did.

Good luck! It's hard but very possible

 

[SuperHans68]

im similar situation, seems like life without heroin is pointless and theres is just nothing to do, to get though the long, shitty days.

 

[ad lib]

Hello everyone,

My question for you all is what is life after a habit such as mine? Will I ever go back to being normal, as in not thinking about getting high 40 times a day? Do you think this acute stint with physical wd's is enough to "ruin" recreational usage of opiates for me? I know this may sound contradictory; I do want to truly get clean from dope but I would like to be able to take opiates responsibly again at some point in my life, go back to taking hydrocodone once every blue moon while I catch a movie or something. I know this is typically considered impossible for addicts, but since I'm only at the tip of the iceberg as far as my addiction goes I was hoping that wouldn't be the case.

I don't really know what to expect from the future but I am serious about not letting this addiction get any worse and I am confident I can handle this. Any advice would be much appreciated, I know a lot of you have been down this road before. Thanks.

There is most certainly life after addiction. I was addicted to opiates, and I am living a fulfilling life right now, after my addiction. It is what you make of it, as cliche as that sounds. You have to want to better yourself in life, which, by the sounds of it you do so that is great. No matter what age you are, you are able to better yourself-- before or after addiction.

Have you considered maybe getting a degree/certificate to start or further a career? How about joining a group-- yoga, boxing, etc. Anything that will give your life meaning for you, since everyone has their own definition of how life after addiction should be.

You're going to crave and thing about using a lot. Trust me. Any former addict will tell you that the thought probably still crosses their mind, no matter how long they have been sober for. It's something that is now a part of you and will forever be a part of your brain structure and chemistry. How you deal with it is what matters.

What are some things that are important to you?

 

[Xorkoth]

You can't use opiates anymore, that's for sure. You've already proven you will become addicted to them. I have quit opiates a bunch of times and I have always gone back due to the delusion that "I can use them responsibly this time". And now I'm years into my latest spiral and am going to take ibogaine in a week and a half because I need something to shake me up enough to get out of this pattern.

However, you can live a normal, fulfilling life. The longer you go without opiates, the less you'll think about them. The longest I have quit in 10 years (since I started using them regularly) was a year... even for 3/4 of that year I was happy and making great improvements.

You're definitely lucky you got to this point (admitting you have a problem and trying to stop) as early as you did. I used opiates daily for years before I even admitted I had a problem. By then your brain is so dependent on them, it's really, really difficult.

 

[belfort]

im similar situation, seems like life without heroin is pointless and theres is just nothing to do, to get though the long, shitty days.

yeah thats a very common symptom of quitting opiods..it feels like all the joy has been sucked out of life..i felt this way for a very long time after getting off methadone..still do occasionally..opiates change you for good in my experience..