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Life advice. Options?

Psychedalienation

Psychedalienation

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 28, 2016
Messages
391
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With a little sweet and simple numbing me
I won't go too much into detail about my past.

I'm 18 years old. I live in California, USA, in a small suburban town that's full of grocery stores/gas stations.

I have destroyed alot of what was given to me. I have been a heavy daily drinker on and off for the past year and a half and have practically broken all relationships with my family.

My current situation is that I live in the garage of my house, sleeping on a little pile of sleeping blankets on a mini trampoline. I am allowed inside for 40-50% of the day as long as there is parent supervision. This is only because I have quit all drugs and drinking for 11 days now and shown it.

I do not leave the house anymore. I am constantly home and was given this laptop to basically not go insane.

My passion is music production. I love music. I love creating things. It is what I was born to do. Unfortunately, my parents had discovered about 200mg MDMA and a half ounce of weed in my room about a half year ago and took my laptop with my music software and all of that.

I do not have admin permission on this laptop so I can not get that program back.

My parents want me to join the military for a noncombat job. I agreed and then backed out a week later when I realized that the military goes against all of my being. I am a free spirit. I would be in hell for 4 years.

So once it hits June, this garage becomes "unlivable" as it gets to be over 100 degrees in here. My parents are saying that I better find something or somewhere to live because I will not be living here during the hot months.

There is a program called Job Corps. My only last resort plan is to go there for Summer, and get kicked out once it cools down by failing a drug test and then coming home and working again.

As of right now, there doesn't appear to be any time to get a job and work to move out because I will be interrupted by imminent homelessness. Also, I do not have a phone anymore or my skateboard (my only mode of transportation other than walking) as I was jumped and severely beaten when on 18mg alprazolam and some vodka. This makes getting a job even harder. The main problem is that there are no fucking jobs in this god forsaken city. Everyone who lives here is already established. I worked at Carls Jr. for 3 months full time and was fired and there is no option of going back there.

Additional info:

We have a pool
I am on good terms with my parents atm
My dad won't give me admin permission for the PC because he does not want me to feel as if I have everything back. (His words).
There is 0.01% chance of me being let back in to the house regardless of drug tests and yaddah yaddah.



My main point:

All I want to do is create things. I want to do things with cameras and video edits and make music and I want to do anything creative for my life. I can't. I have fucked myself over so bad. Lost all trust, ruined everything.

Can anybody give me a plausible option? There are no relatives that will take me, nor friends. This Job Corps thing sounds terrible. I read the reviews and people steal and fight and the staff is up your ass all the time and the food is awful etc.

I wish I had a time machine.

Thanks, -Andrue.
 
sorry man, that sucks but you do need an out and should consider the military gig. at the very least you can leverage that to get some education towards a career and have your expenses covered meanwhile. it ain't glamourous but the sooner you start the sooner you finish and get to move on. who knows, you may even end up taking to the military life. you'd be surprised how much free thought your mind can accomplish when your body is invested in a strict routine and your physical needs taken care of.
 
A big factor in this is the drugs thing. I'm not done with psychedelics nor am I done with weed. I am just done for now. I'm mainly doing this for my parents. 4 years is too long to live under supervision that strict. I do not operate well under authority like that. I understand it may be the smart option but I am currently not willing. It will be harder but it is my choice. I need an option other than this.
 
Just suck it up and get into the military. In my country every male has to attend into 9-12 moths of army training and it is easy living and some may even say that army makes man out of boy.

I did work few years as a peace keeper in Afghanistan after my initial army training.

Just give it a try. You can always fail a drug test there too :P
 
The military isn't for everyone. Not wanting to join in the first place already sets a person up to fail. It's already their mindset.

Saying that psych, you're gonna have to be a bit flexible if prospects aren't looking too good for you. Im not suggesting military but what ever options are out there compromise may be a big issue here.

Speaking of prospects, most of us aren't native to your town or even state or country. Many of us may be hard pressed to advise seeing as we don't know what opportunities or programs may be near to you that may be of help. In the UK we can speak to the job centre or citizens advice but I'm not certain what outlets you have where you are.
 
MrRoot said:
Just suck it up and get into the military. In my country every male has to attend into 9-12 moths of army training and it is easy living and some may even say that army makes man out of boy.

I did work few years as a peace keeper in Afghanistan after my initial army training.

Just give it a try. You can always fail a drug test there too :P
Click to expand...

Agree. Not joining the military around that age is a major regret for me. It would've provided structure, even though I wouldn't have liked it, and would have most likely prevented me from a lot of the fuckery that happened afterwards. Not to say it would certainly have, but there's a decent chance it would have, I probably would have had a good career, and they would've payed for all my professional training (in exchange for time) that I had to pay somehow...

Your parents sound totally out of control and your relationship with them sounds awful, even when you said it was good, and perhaps at your present age and mindset irreperable. You need to get out of the house; this may mean a selfsustaining job (not easy to find, but possible for most decently well-adjusted people), military, Job Corps as you mention (not a great program and will not put you in the best of company, I am somewhat familiar with it though not directly), getting into some kind of program for the mentally ill (which you don't sound to be, immediately, or not ill enough to qualify for these programs, which are for people with much more severe psych problems than anxiety attacks/agoraphobia/etc) or disabled (i.e. fraud) or the homeless shelter/living on the streets/going on tour and living off charity or crime are your options. I took the latter, going on tour and selling drugs to support myself, for a while, and while it seemed like fun it was a lifetime's worth of trauma. while it's appealing to alot of kids from backgrounds like yours it ends badly. There may be a few other options. But really, at the end of the day, you'll have to pick one that allows you both living and self-respect.
 
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Unless you've served in the military I wouldn't advise it. Some people love it and some simply cannot cope. I wouldn't be so keen to add ptsd to what could possibly be an unhealthy list of other troubles and issues.

It is strict, it is hard and it can destroy or build a person. That all depends on the foundation you start with. Having said that it does offer structure and a bond that is very strong. You'll find out you have brothers and sisters you've never met. People that would do anything for you and you for them.

And FTR I am ex military. I loved it. I've also seen a lot of good people struggle. It can help you over come your issues or it can exacerbate them. This is very much unique to the individual.
 
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sorry to hear you're having a hard time.

don't give up on your dream of being an artist. don't just fantasize about it either. if you want to be an artist, sit in a cubicle or work on the warehouse floor all day so you can afford cameras and editing software. saying you can't create because your parents won't give you a password is funny because you're an adult and you need to buy your own laptop. during your free-time, work hard on your portfolio. art is not income. years of absurdly hard work and luck might change that, but focus on the now. i have friends with unbelievable portfolios full of commercial work that still cannot make a living through videography. and they are willing to shoot advertisements. music? oh man. that might not ever be more than a side gig.

there are jobs in your city. do you have a ged or high school diploma? stay clean. when you can pee clean, go to a staffing firm. start stacking cash during the limited time your parents' garage is still an option. two months is time. take the bus or walk. don't job hop, quit, or get fired. doesn't matter if life's hard; that's not an option if you want success. the only way to leave a job is by giving your two weeks after accepting another job offer.

all easier said than done. giving you advice i struggle with myself. best of luck.
 
If you have a GED, have you thought about going to college? Moving to a bigger city with a community college even, then transferring to a bigger school. There is a lot of really good financial assistance programs out there, particularly if you are essentially on your own (which you're close enough to being).

I almost joined the military after college, but it was a point in my life where I had nothing and wouldn't have really cared if I'd died (never interested in killing myself, but the prospect of being killed didn't scare me). Of course my family convinced me not to join.

In retrospect I'm not entirely sure it was the right decision, given where my life took me after that (my twenties were a very dark time, and the support of the service may have helped with this). But that said, I have a feeling I would have been miserable having to deal with the authority system involved in the military. I do not do well with authority (well, I have no issue when I feel like it is coming from an ethical place, but that obviously can be an issue when working for the military).

It sounds like living at home is really tough, but I like like hydro's advice the most here. Life can be really tough, and it takes a bit of learning to find meaning in it. Probably more than that, it takes getting out there and exploring. Being stuck in an isolated town can make that much harder. But if you are in or near any of the big cities in CA, there are far more opportunities than you might imagine.

Do you have a local library? Can you use their computer? I'd be checking out job opportunities through that while keep my head down at home until I can find some, any, kind of work. Just think, once you have a little money you can fuck off and have an adventure (though I'd recommend a bit of higher education is you are creatively inclined).
 
You are 18 years old so anything at all you are getting from your parents is actually your choice. I didn't agree with my parents and they certainly didn't condone anything I was doing so I left. Very uncomfortable! But a good education is the one that teaches you that you hold the reins on your own horse. Want money? You have to work for it. Don't care about money? You have to find a life that is manageable and meaningful without it. Both are possible--both take creativity, guts and grit.

Joining the military and hoping to be a non-combatant is a pretty big crap-shoot. just ask all the reservists and National guard that ended up in Afghanistan and Iraq. I cannot say whether or not that decision would be bad or good for you but just don't enter into it thinking you are in any kind of control whatsoever.

It sounds to me like the bigger problem you are facing is the fact that you feel lost. People that have a creative drive in this culture are often dismayed along the way by how hard it actually is to live a creative life--that and our self-perceptions get outrageously warped and deformed by a culture that idolizes fame. If you love music, make it every day--no excuses, no blaming anything outside. Write. Write yourself a pep talk. Write your parents about your feelings. If you want to produce music or make videos, find someone doing that and pester them to volunteer or be mentored. You can't really do any of this if what you are doing is getting fucked up every day. So, face that. Forget what your parents think about it and ask yourself what you think about it. Ask yourself every day, " what is one small change I could make for myself to feel encouraged rather than discouraged?" It's a hard hole to climb out of and I don't mean to minimize that. I'm pretty sure that it took most of my twenties to even begin to see a glimmer of the strength needed to navigate life as an adult in the driver's seat and then about twenty more years to reconcile myself to all the trade-offs I was going to have to make as an artist. So, don't live your life feeling like you have ruined anything--you are just stumbling along like everyone else whether they admit it or not. Live like you are the head scientist in the grand experiment of your own life! That way, either the vial exploding or the vial turning the color you hoped it would have the same result: you gained knowledge, you are smarter, you are one step further along in your experiment.=D

What your parents want is to see you capable and responsible for your own life--it would be nice if they could see that their behavior is not contributing one iota towards that but I wouldn't hold my breath. They are probably perfectly nice people dealing with the feelings of helplessness and desperation the best they know how.

I wish you the best as you try to figure this out. Just remember that small changes are often the biggest in the end. Work on those.<3
 
Some good advice above. Education is a great route. I'd just like to add that joining the military for a while was the best thing I did. You are presented with a lot of opportunities for personal, educational and career development during and after (especially in the US from what I understand), and it does a lot to build self-control, self-respect and cooperation. 'Authority' is something you'll have to get used to no matter what you do in life (a parent, a boss, a teacher etc), so don't think that the military is somehow unique in that respect. And a few years will go so fast that what may seem an age right now will be nothing when you look back in a few years.

Good luck!
 
Don't fucking join the military. Seriously, war is pointless. Unless you're really really wanting to. Life is short, be an adult, he responsible, gain trust. I'm 24 and I run an entire company, I am paid salary, and I sit in an office. I was homeless 2 years ago. Do something.
 
Care to PM me with details? That sounds like a story I'd like to hear!

Thank you for your contribution! I appreciate it :)

I decided to not go with the military indefinitely but I certainly see the benefits that everyone says it brings, I'm very aware.

Yeah, selling at raves and touring music festivals sounds so fucking fun. I say I'd never sell cathinone analogues and shit as MDMA and sell pure product and shit but I feel like when it comes down to it and you have to feed yourself, shit might turn around.

Can you elaborate on the Job Corps experience you know about? I went to orientation and it seemed great.

I realize all the benefits the military provides. I may regret it later but I don't want to go now. Thank you so much for replying <3

I will hold your advice close to me for a long time, that really resonated with me. Thank you so much. That question to ask myself everyday is awesome! I will try that!

And yeah I know what you mean about leaving but I have nothing. No money, no phone, no job, no transportation other than my feet, and no ideas.

If I had the money to go to college, I'd be there studying music right now. Unfortunately I will be having to go to Jop Corps instead and possibly college after.

This is one of my favorite replies yet. Your advice absolutely resonated with me. Thank you.

I have a CHSPE (High School Equivalency for California) and I will be able to pee clean soon but will be leaving for Job Corps soon as well. My parents are going to give me back my laptop when I leave for San Bernardino to live on center so luckily I don't have to worry about that.

Appreciate the hard to take, but much needed straight forawrd advice.
 
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