Licking a girl

[paltatomate]

Do you have a good relationship with your father? It sounds like you’re not able to relax enough to enjoy yourself, and that probably explains the pain too.

What does the father has to do with it?

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

It would take a man that was willing to put in a lot of effort. I don’t think thats ever gonna happen so Ive just gave up

Don't get so defeatist.

I think you really need to experiment with yourself in the absence of a male partner, and just get into whatever does it for you, *by yourself*. Literally forget about pleasing somebody else. Just do whatever makes YOU feel good.

Then later, with enough confidence, you can translate that to partnered sex.

I managed to navigate way around it as a man with an intersex condition, abnormal anatomy, fucked-up relationship with my own body, inferiority complex, mental health issues not related to my condition.

If I could do that, you can overcome whatever is holding you back too.

 

[fairnymph]

What does the father has to do with it?

It’s just a trend I’ve noticed with some women who have stories like hers.

But, I’m very glad to hear it doesn’t apply here. Kellsee, I think you just need to find a man who truly cares about you and values your pleasure. Also for what it’s worth I have a tilted uterus also and I don’t experience any pain except doggy style because my cervix gets bumped.

 

[Kellsee]

I feel like the word narcissist gets thrown around so much that it’s lost some of its meaning. It’s a term too often used when it’s not really narcissism. When I say narcissistic abuse I mean they literally lacked the ability to consider another human beings feelings. I’ve been diagnosed with CPTSD because of it all. All the gaslighting and smear campaigns are brutal. It’s like chronic invalidation. I know Im the common denominator so it seems like I’m the problem. Thats because I was. I was drawn to them. But I think they were drawn to me also. Im actually pretty empathetic. Opposites attract but then you have to grow up. The mess Ive became is just the consequences

 

[paltatomate]

I think this whole idea of having to please another person to be "good" is what fucks up the whole sex thing for many people.

This is a good advice

I think you really need to experiment with yourself in the absence of a male partner, and just get into whatever does it for you, *by yourself*. Literally forget about pleasing somebody else. Just do whatever makes YOU feel good.

Then later, with enough confidence, you can translate that to partnered sex.

And then, be open minded. Sex is not just a physical thing that has to take place in a dark bedroom on a Saturday night. Play with different ideas, imagine scenarios and pay attention to how your body reacts.

 

[Kellsee]

It’s just a trend I’ve noticed with some women who have stories like hers.

But, I’m very glad to hear it doesn’t apply here. Kellsee, I think you just need to find a man who truly cares about you and values your pleasure. Also for what it’s worth I have a tilted uterus also and I don’t experience any pain except doggy style because my cervix gets bumped.

You are correct in noticing the pattern because it does apply. My father was kinda childish while I was growing up. He often created the kinda atmosphere that kept us walking on egg shells. My mother was an enabler that enabled the both of us. I also wasn’t an easy child to raise. I put them thru hell. Looking back I can see a lot of mistakes that we all made. But at the same time I know that life doesnt give anyone any free trials so it was their first times also. It’s what creates growth. We are all a work in progress. But that doesn’t keep those mistakes from contributing to the outcomes. Plus after you add my experiences with all the narcissistic abuse you can end up with someone thats stuck in fight/flight thats always in hyper vigilance mode. Plus I think that the fact that I spent my entire adolescent development under the influence of opiates also plays a huge part in this. By the time I was 19 yrs old I’d already had over 30 surgeries. What this means is that I spent all those years between 12 and 19 on pain medicine. I promise in the late 80’s they promoted OxyContin as a great idea that was not as addicting. Once everyone was made aware of just how addicting they really are…it was too late.

I think it contributed to some interuption in the development of the neurobiology of my brain. Pain and pleasure are created by the same part of the brain. It’s like a see saw. I could go on and on because this is my jam. My life is the perfect example of the battle of addiction. My dopamine baseline was fucked up before I even got to begin. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to have an orgasm. Surely I’d know it if I have. I know very well how to please my partner. I’m quite capable. It’s just that I’d love to feel what that feels like also. I’m super sensitive so I am sure it would be intense for me. It’s almost like I feel like I’m fixing to have one all of the time. It’s just so frustrating. I feel cheated.

 

[Kellsee]

It’s just a trend I’ve noticed with some women who have stories like hers.

But, I’m very glad to hear it doesn’t apply here. Kellsee, I think you just need to find a man who truly cares about you and values your pleasure. Also for what it’s worth I have a tilted uterus also and I don’t experience any pain except doggy style because my cervix gets bumped.

You are very smart and seem really insightful.

Have you ever found anything that we can do about a tilted uterus?

So that’s why doggy style hurts so bad!?! My god. Feels like theyre piercing right thru my fucking guts. I’ve never understood how women could enjoy that. But I guess that’s why. My uterus is tilted so theyre hitting my cervix. I can’t believe I’m just now realizing this lol now it makes sense

 

[Kellsee]

Don't get so defeatist.

I think you really need to experiment with yourself in the absence of a male partner, and just get into whatever does it for you, *by yourself*. Literally forget about pleasing somebody else. Just do whatever makes YOU feel good.

Then later, with enough confidence, you can translate that to partnered sex.

I managed to navigate way around it as a man with an intersex condition, abnormal anatomy, fucked-up relationship with my own body, inferiority complex, mental health issues not related to my condition.

If I could do that, you can overcome whatever is holding you back too.

This was awesome! Thank you!

I had just started really experimenting with enjoying myself right before I had to move. Now I miss my old bedroom. I had a mirror on my ceiling over my bed and pink fur all over my bed. I need to be able to just lock my bedroom door, get on my bed, turn on some music and get lost in myself. Hard to do that here. But my times coming lol

 

[fairnymph]

You are correct in noticing the pattern because it does apply. My father was kinda childish while I was growing up. He often created the kinda atmosphere that kept us walking on egg shells. My mother was an enabler that enabled the both of us. I also wasn’t an easy child to raise. I put them thru hell. Looking back I can see a lot of mistakes that we all made. But at the same time I know that life doesnt give anyone any free trials so it was their first times also. It’s what creates growth. We are all a work in progress. But that doesn’t keep those mistakes from contributing to the outcomes. Plus after you add my experiences with all the narcissistic abuse you can end up with someone thats stuck in fight/flight thats always in hyper vigilance mode. Plus I think that the fact that I spent my entire adolescent development under the influence of opiates also plays a huge part in this. By the time I was 19 yrs old I’d already had over 30 surgeries. What this means is that I spent all those years between 12 and 19 on pain medicine. I promise in the late 80’s they promoted OxyContin as a great idea that was not as addicting. Once everyone was made aware of just how addicting they really are…it was too late.

I think it contributed to some interuption in the development of the neurobiology of my brain. Pain and pleasure are created by the same part of the brain. It’s like a see saw. I could go on and on because this is my jam. My life is the perfect example of the battle of addiction. My dopamine baseline was fucked up before I even got to begin. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to have an orgasm. Surely I’d know it if I have. I know very well how to please my partner. I’m quite capable. It’s just that I’d love to feel what that feels like also. I’m super sensitive so I am sure it would be intense for me. It’s almost like I feel like I’m fixing to have one all of the time. It’s just so frustrating. I feel cheated.

Oh wow, I can definitely see how your brain chemistry could be altered to say the least. Have you ever considered seeing a sex therapist? I have no idea if they’re any good but maybe worth looking into.

 

[fairnymph]

You are very smart and seem really insightful.

Have you ever found anything that we can do about a tilted uterus?

So that’s why doggy style hurts so bad!?! My god. Feels like theyre piercing right thru my fucking guts. I’ve never understood how women could enjoy that. But I guess that’s why. My uterus is tilted so theyre hitting my cervix. I can’t believe I’m just now realizing this lol now it makes sense

Thank you, and no, there’s nothing to be done about it. It’s not a flaw. It’s just a variation. It naturally flips forward once one gets far enough along in pregnancy. I just avoid doggy, or am extremely careful about how I angle my pelvis. For example, lying on my stomach instead of being up on my knees is more comfortable. But I can never 100% relax because I’m always aware that pain could happen at any time if he shifts ever so slightly so it’s not a way that I can orgasm. For me, it’s best being on my back with my knees up and my feet flat on the bed. That way, I have complete control over the angle of my pelvis (I need to keep it tilted maximally upward, while keeping the base of my spine on the bed, & clenching all my muscles in that region including my butt), and I’ve never had any cervical discomfort in this position. It’s also ideal for G spot stimulation. All positions with me on my back are comfy, and I also have no trouble on my side, whether from the front or behind. Being on top isn’t uncomfortable, but it’s not particularly pleasurable, so I just stick to the positions I like. And honestly, I’m fine being in my one position 99% of the time. It’s a really great position!

It took me a few months to learn how to orgasm with a partner. But once I learned - and I can only do it in that one position, without clitoral stimulation that is - it became faster and superior to any other orgasm. Having a partner who was very accommodating definitely helped with this.

Btw, I’m also super sensitive. Maybe it’s linked to having a tilted uterus. My mom had one too, and she was also very sensitive and high libido. And obviously fertility is not a problem for any of us!

 

[Kellsee]

Thank you, and no, there’s nothing to be done about it. It’s not a flaw. It’s just a variation. It naturally flips forward once one gets far enough along in pregnancy. I just avoid doggy, or am extremely careful about how I angle my pelvis. For example, lying on my stomach instead of being up on my knees is more comfortable. But I can never 100% relax because I’m always aware that pain could happen at any time if he shifts ever so slightly so it’s not a way that I can orgasm. For me, it’s best being on my back with my knees up and my feet flat on the bed. That way, I have complete control over the angle of my pelvis (I need to keep it tilted maximally upward, while keeping the base of my spine on the bed, & clenching all my muscles in that region including my butt), and I’ve never had any cervical discomfort in this position. It’s also ideal for G spot stimulation. All positions with me on my back are comfy, and I also have no trouble on my side, whether from the front or behind. Being on top isn’t uncomfortable, but it’s not particularly pleasurable, so I just stick to the positions I like. And honestly, I’m fine being in my one position 99% of the time. It’s a really great position!

It took me a few months to learn how to orgasm with a partner. But once I learned - and I can only do it in that one position, without clitoral stimulation that is - it became faster and superior to any other orgasm. Having a partner who was very accommodating definitely helped with this.

Btw, I’m also super sensitive. Maybe it’s linked to having a tilted uterus. My mom had one too, and she was also very sensitive and high libido. And obviously fertility is not a problem for any of us!

My mom was like this too. It’s crazy how things are connected.

The men Ive been with weren’t patient about any of this. I can’t even watch people having sex on porn without getting tensed up. But they’re professionals I guess. My ex got frustrated once and told me that God made a mistake giving someone like me my body. I mean damn. That definitely didn’t help. But I was very resistant to him and I eventually ended up hating him because of shit like that. Hurts my feelings

But something happens at night to me when I’m sleeping sometimes. It’s like it starts before Im even fully awake. I’ll start aching needing something inside of me so bad. I’ll be thrusting my pelvis forward before I even realize it. Makes me wonder how sex would be during these times. But it’s always been when I’m alone. I just wonder what causes that because I’d love to need it that bad when I could get it lmao I think these are times when it might be more possible. I can do things myself of course but this is an ache only a man could fill. I feel like I’m talking too nasty but i don’t know how else to explain it

I never get to talk to other women like this

 

[fairnymph]

My mom was like this too. It’s crazy how things are connected.

The men Ive been with weren’t patient about any of this. I can’t even watch people having sex on porn without getting tensed up. But they’re professionals I guess. My ex got frustrated once and told me that God made a mistake giving someone like me my body. I mean damn. That definitely didn’t help. But I was very resistant to him and I eventually ended up hating him because of shit like that. Hurts my feelings

But something happens at night to me when I’m sleeping sometimes. It’s like it starts before Im even fully awake. I’ll start aching needing something inside of me so bad. I’ll be thrusting my pelvis forward before I even realize it. Makes me wonder how sex would be during these times. But it’s always been when I’m alone. I just wonder what causes that because I’d love to need it that bad when I could get it lmao I think these are times when it might be more possible. I can do things myself of course but this is an ache only a man could fill. I feel like I’m talking too nasty but i don’t know how else to explain it

I never get to talk to other women like this

It’s genetic. We’re just awesome like this!

That makes me so angry and sad to hear about your ex, and all those other impatient, uncaring men. Just the fact that you’ve never been with a good man could explain so much. It’s only natural that you would be affected by all these negative experiences and find it difficult to relax. It’s trauma.

Maybe lucid dreaming would help unlock your sexuality? In a dreaming state we’re more fully in touch with our subconscious and do things we wouldn’t otherwise be able to handle consciously. I’ve had very intense sex dreams where I get very close to orgasm, but I’ve never been able to actually come just from a dream, or not that I can recall. But I’ve been able to finish myself off within less than a minute just from how it worked up I was.

I don’t think the way you’re talking is nasty at all and I think you should try pleasuring yourself the next time that happens if you feel comfortable. No matter what make sure you feel at ease! There’s nothing wrong with your beautiful body or your desires.

 

[MightWontCan]

When I was 18 I had a partner who for some reason I was licking all over kind of like a dog or puppy during our foreplay and got firmly asked to stop - not sexy/enjoyable for them apparently but it does make me laugh looking back, I think I freaked her out. I didn't do it again since then though, basic foreplay has sufficed . My future SO will surely accept my dog foreplay

 

[Deleted member 587331]

Just whatever you do guys remember to never ever ever do the "motorboat".. all my guy frienfds growing up would talk about that like it's the thing to do and then after I reached my end game in transition and crossed over I experienced guys attempting to do this move and I had to seriously force myself not to break out in hysterical laughter. It's pure shenanigans not sexy.