Its been almost two months since 'M' decided that she couldn't handle being with an addict. She said that even if I was clean she can't be with me because she doesn't want to live a life where I may relapse within five, ten or twenty years. She says that if I'm not stable than she isn't stable and her kids need a balanced mother.
Yes I am confused about a lot of things concerning her and I. I have a million questions that will never be asked. My confusion and my questions are contributing factors concerning my inability to move on. I realize now that it doesn't matter. She is DONE with me. No clarification of past events and statements will change that.
I need to ACCEPT that, regardless of her true reasoning, her and I will never be.
She has been on numerous dates thus far and has slept with a few of them. This hurts me to no end but its none of my business anymore. Knowledge of this brought me into the territory of suicidal planning. I believed that there was still a possibility of getting her back and couldn't understand why she would hurt me like that and complicate the process of re-uniting.
The last words from her were 'FUCK YOU!!!'. Fuck it, this is the last email I received from her which clearly indicates how she truly feels:
'I only tell someone I love them if I mean it too, you prick.
Don't you dare tell try to guilt me.
This was YOUR CHOICE!
YOUR DECISION!
YOU sent me away.
So NOW you wanna get clean? Well, then let me say it's about time and good luck and I hope you stay that way because it will be difficult for YOU to find someone and damn right I can do better.
If you need to hate me to move on than more power to you! FUCK YOU!'
I finally get it. It took a while to sink in but I finally see how much I DON'T mean to her.
Yes I am confused about a lot of things concerning her and I. I have a million questions that will never be asked. My confusion and my questions are contributing factors concerning my inability to move on. I realize now that it doesn't matter. She is DONE with me. No clarification of past events and statements will change that.
I need to ACCEPT that, regardless of her true reasoning, her and I will never be.
She has been on numerous dates thus far and has slept with a few of them. This hurts me to no end but its none of my business anymore. Knowledge of this brought me into the territory of suicidal planning. I believed that there was still a possibility of getting her back and couldn't understand why she would hurt me like that and complicate the process of re-uniting.
The last words from her were 'FUCK YOU!!!'. Fuck it, this is the last email I received from her which clearly indicates how she truly feels:
'I only tell someone I love them if I mean it too, you prick.
Don't you dare tell try to guilt me.
This was YOUR CHOICE!
YOUR DECISION!
YOU sent me away.
So NOW you wanna get clean? Well, then let me say it's about time and good luck and I hope you stay that way because it will be difficult for YOU to find someone and damn right I can do better.
If you need to hate me to move on than more power to you! FUCK YOU!'
I finally get it. It took a while to sink in but I finally see how much I DON'T mean to her.