The business website is live, though it's not yet complete enough. Needs more polishing. Yesterday I ran into friends on the way to another event and hung out with them for a bit. Didn't end up going to the event in question. Went to a gay bar but when I got there I felt incredibly hypoglycemic, which of course meant I had to run into my ex 5 minutes later. He was awkward as usual. He told me the reason he's been avoiding me lately is because I trigger him into thinking about the guy he broke up with a few months ago, and that made it hard to be around me. I had compassion and tried not to take it personally, but.... at the same time it was kind of like, gee thanks? Nice to know you admit to avoiding me when all I've been earnestly trying to do is connect with you to hang out with a person who I know is a decent human being. He was the one person I knew in the entire bar but kept the interaction sporadic. After the gaudy drag queens were done, the music that played was really bad. I went home shortly after. Ironic, considering that all I wanted to do was dance last night, and of the two venues I went to nothing panned out, and I was too low to partake anyway. Today a long term friendship ended, mostly over values. It was sad, but I guess for the greater good. Kind of tired of people coming and going though. Life is so random.
Sometimes I can't tell if I'm insane or if everyone else is just insane. I really don't get people half the time, or at least most people I come across. I just don't know where people's heads are at. The stuff I feel coming off of them is rarely indicated in the superficial interactions. It's like seeing their depths but not really being allowed to talk about it, or anything that matters. I'm capable of having fun and levity and in fact I need it a lot right now. But I don't get why levity has to mean abandoning higher consciousness. *shrug*
Life is all over the place. Don't know if I want to live or die most days. This place is hot, bright, loud, cramped, and expensive, yet somehow I feel I'm supposed to be here for now. I don't know where else to go though anyway. It's not like I'll be free of this anywhere else. It has to come from within and I just can't seem to muster that for the time being. But I march on... right foot, left foot, one after the other. I just wish sometimes that I had a refuge... a respite... even if for a while. Life shouldn't be so hard. For all its beauty and splendor, life can really be wretched sometimes. At least I know it won't last forever.
Sometimes I can't tell if I'm insane or if everyone else is just insane. I really don't get people half the time, or at least most people I come across. I just don't know where people's heads are at. The stuff I feel coming off of them is rarely indicated in the superficial interactions. It's like seeing their depths but not really being allowed to talk about it, or anything that matters. I'm capable of having fun and levity and in fact I need it a lot right now. But I don't get why levity has to mean abandoning higher consciousness. *shrug*
Life is all over the place. Don't know if I want to live or die most days. This place is hot, bright, loud, cramped, and expensive, yet somehow I feel I'm supposed to be here for now. I don't know where else to go though anyway. It's not like I'll be free of this anywhere else. It has to come from within and I just can't seem to muster that for the time being. But I march on... right foot, left foot, one after the other. I just wish sometimes that I had a refuge... a respite... even if for a while. Life shouldn't be so hard. For all its beauty and splendor, life can really be wretched sometimes. At least I know it won't last forever.