mashead testing
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 18, 2001
- Messages
- 12,030
I wish I could ignore whats been said, I wish I could trust the emotions running through me, infact I wish this had never happened and that I had just shut myself off from all the rest like usual, it did seem right it seemed more than right but now it all seems so distant like a dream, it was more of a dream come true, but with everything so good the bad appears realise my love then my fears.
I dont know how to explain that its different now, somehow it might have gone too fast and we both got caught up without realising the devestating effect it would have, if I knew this before maybe it wouldnt have gone this way, do I regret it?
Im unsure of whats become, I thought so much but now I feel so less, changes never were my strong point, I like to keep things simple, I know im different to the rest and I know that everyone is differerent in their own special way and to me you gave me something unlike anyone else, I felt even more different with the thoughts of you.
If it was easier than just writing this down and washing it away with the tap of some keys then it would be better, though ive been told good things are hard to come by im not sure if this is a good thing anymore, if you only knew how much this means and how much I feel, you might do im not sure things youve done obviously give me my doubts, this is why I keep away from closeness this is why I sit alone, I might be lonely but at least im not lonely and hurt.
Sometimes I try and cope with whats happened and think its all getting out of proportion, losing the value it once had, I feel strongly about such awakenings to say it was just something else would rip me apart. I dont claim to be amazing, ive never once tried to hurt you but I feel pain like I could feel you, if theres a thought in that mind of yours I cant feel then im lost, its a struggle but your worth it I wonder if I really deserve this.
But what im trying to say is where now? what do I do, im alone again probably back where I started if not slightly battered and bruised with the same aspects of my life shining through, but this was the first, I know it wont be the last im not stupid enough to write off the whole of the future but till when, time always seems to take so long, people always say stay strong, but in a moment of doubt a second of fear it all makes me question why im here.
I dont know how to explain that its different now, somehow it might have gone too fast and we both got caught up without realising the devestating effect it would have, if I knew this before maybe it wouldnt have gone this way, do I regret it?
Im unsure of whats become, I thought so much but now I feel so less, changes never were my strong point, I like to keep things simple, I know im different to the rest and I know that everyone is differerent in their own special way and to me you gave me something unlike anyone else, I felt even more different with the thoughts of you.
If it was easier than just writing this down and washing it away with the tap of some keys then it would be better, though ive been told good things are hard to come by im not sure if this is a good thing anymore, if you only knew how much this means and how much I feel, you might do im not sure things youve done obviously give me my doubts, this is why I keep away from closeness this is why I sit alone, I might be lonely but at least im not lonely and hurt.
Sometimes I try and cope with whats happened and think its all getting out of proportion, losing the value it once had, I feel strongly about such awakenings to say it was just something else would rip me apart. I dont claim to be amazing, ive never once tried to hurt you but I feel pain like I could feel you, if theres a thought in that mind of yours I cant feel then im lost, its a struggle but your worth it I wonder if I really deserve this.
But what im trying to say is where now? what do I do, im alone again probably back where I started if not slightly battered and bruised with the same aspects of my life shining through, but this was the first, I know it wont be the last im not stupid enough to write off the whole of the future but till when, time always seems to take so long, people always say stay strong, but in a moment of doubt a second of fear it all makes me question why im here.
