let it go

[colicolo]

you're such a jerk...
no wonder you don't have a girlfriend...
no one cares for your fucking stupid puns
...get a life

your piercing words sting deep inside like acid rain
regurgating all the regretful memories
the thoughts i constantly fight to repress
i keep telling myself over and over "let it go"

included inside these buried memories
the hospital i want [need?] to wipe away
where it took just one sentence to burn me;

destroying years of work
causing a flood like fountain of tears
shattering bottles of unventured emotion

one doctor, one sentence, that led me to my fears
writing with white chinagraph on the mirror
lyrics that once made me feel at home

invoking plans of self persecution
persecution for self made guilt and tears

i spent that week just listening
as all i had to say was no longer real
though relieved by diagnosis
so much pain did it reveal

whilst i listened to the ones around me
discovering wells of despair that i could fill
one girl who said she new me from when were children
[i think her name was liz]
in one line of kindness she revealed a special motivation

"you're the most least judgemental person i have ever meet"
i was taken back and hope helped heal
it only took one pleasent thing
from someone who never really knew me

i turn to the thorn in my side
to retort to you with self respect;
sometimes loneliness chooses you
there is always a reason to care
i left my life of pain behind me
a jerk wouldn't have heard you

but i turned to face and empty wall
it seems like another embarrassment
i had let you go

 

[jameslovesyou]

woah.
the most helpful thing i have heard in a long while was spoken by my friend frank last night...he said "i just want to stop argueing with past lovers in my head"
i hadn't realized it, but i do that too.

 

[(Wordy)]

"Woah" was my first reaction too...

I feel like this piece is a new progression for you, like you've hit on new territory. It has a similar taut, painfully emotive core to some of your earlier stuff, and there's the same spirit of experimentation with form (I like the use of bold and italics).

But these stanzas really made me sit up and take notice - the phrasing is so assured and confident, the feelings so eloquently evoked, cutting through to deeper soundings:

included inside these buried memories
the hospital i want [need?] to wipe away
where it took just one sentence to burn me;

destroying years of work
causing a flood like fountain of tears
shattering bottles of unventured emotion

one doctor, one sentence, that led me to my fears
writing with white chinagraph on the mirror
lyrics that once made me feel at home

"i just want to stop argueing with past lovers in my head"
i hadn't realized it, but i do that too.

Yeah, me too. Time dulls old wounds but won't heal them (imo). Forgiveness can be hard (understatement).

 

[E-girl]

"let it go".... the one thing in life i truly have a hard time with.

that's my diagnosis. i've been where you are, and i just want to leave you with this quote:

"You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present." ~Jan Glidewell

I have to keep reminding myself that.

 

[PyroFromTheCenter]

Interesting how those vibrations in the air (words) attach such deep memory residuals in our consciousness. Even more interesting, which is what you meditate on in this piece, how the attacks/insults seem to have easier access to our longterm self-awareness.

Why do we accept the negative, judgemental, punnishment so easily? Why are we so prone to agree with hateful things about ourselves rather than the encouraging things? And, like you said... from a stranger who doesn't know you, but it still dug deep.

Maybe the hateful stranger hit on a deeply laid definition that we, for some reason agree with... somewhere in that fuzzy grey subconsious. Maybe we should thank that stranger for peering into our souls and telling us how we truely feel about ourselves so we can root that garbage out and replace it with something beautiful...

Much Love!

Pyro - Tim