Legit reason to break up?

[h3lp]

Ha shit. That sucks man.

 

[Ninae]

Back a bit more on topic - I'm getting soft, I just sent him a message saying I missed him, and maybe we can meet again some day.

 

[nuttynutskin]

Hahaha... That's hilarious that my post went missing. By getting over yourself I did not mean having low self esteem, I meant that thinking you're god's gift to the world. There's a big difference. But you seem to have some notion that you're going to find some guy out of a fairytale novel that's going to cater to every whim you have. Sorry to break it to ya but it ain't happening. Even the best relationships have their hard times and guys have needs too... OMG!!! You can have both emotional intimacy and self esteem, just probably not the way you're going about it if you don't even give a guy a chance.

I just sent him a message saying I missed him, and maybe we can meet again some day.

So I was pretty much right... You like torturing men. 8(

 

[Ninae]

So I was pretty much right... You like torturing men. 8(

No. A tear fell as I sent him the message. Good to see you still see the worst in everything.

Besides, my angels said it would be Heroic if I could overcome those feelings and mend the damage done in that relationship (I have some telepathic connection).

We all have our different ways to be heroic.

 

[lola]

That wouldn't so much be about love, but about passion, and masculine-feminine attraction. Great energy high. But for me, if I love someone it's present in every sexual interaction from my side.

I'm joining the list of confused readers. I think you have massively overcomplicated things with this guy. Just a few thoughts:

1. You can NEVER know what the sex with someone is going to be like until you've had it. And often it takes quite a few attempts to get to a point of being comfortable with each other, understand how each other's bodies work and be in a mutual "flow" and connection like you're describing. With some partners it happens immediately of course, but often it takes time go get to know each other physically as much as emotionally or psychologically.

2. It's perfectly common that one partner is slightly more into X and the other into Y; it's what Dan Savage refers to when he says that for a good sexual relationship both partners need to be GGG (good, giving and game). It sounds like you're both stubborn and digging your heels in about a hypothetical situation instead of doing it. I imagine that if you've been keeping him waiting he is probably just very frustrated, but I'm sure he'd love to please you and would want to know how to get you off and be in synch (if you give him a chance!)

3. Sounds like you and him could enjoy both loving, tender sex and rougher sex together since you're actually quite compatible in the sense you're open to both options. And as women we don't "take what we're given"! We ask, tell, demonstrate or instruct, depends on what your dynamic is But having such a rigid, fixed idea of what sex "should be like" is actually not very sexy. The only way is to communicate physically and not verbally. I'm a woman, 34, loooove sex and have a fair amount of experience of various types of sex and love with different kinds of people - but what you are saying made very little sense to me. What are you afraid of? He's clearly into you and doesn't want to use you, but you sound very stuck on what you think "men are like".

4. Food for thought: many guys might try to come across like they can just separate sex from feelings and are all tough and alpha male but trust me, once they sleep with a woman they love they are mushier than we are and are all for hugs, kisses and cuddles - it's just that you'll NEVER get them to admit it in a conversation. Plus it can make them feel vulnerable and perhaps he just wasn't ready to show you this more tender side of him yet (by the sounds of it, for good reasons because you don't really know what you want and broke his heart in the process). Again, sex is talking through the body, stop using words.

 

[nuttynutskin]

Besides, my angels said it would be Heroic if I could overcome those feelings and mend the damage done in that relationship (I have some telepathic connection).

Oh lawd.

 

[Noodle]

Great post lola.

 

[lola]

Thanks hon

It's kinda funny because I've started seeing a guy where the sex isn't 100% in synch yet - I guess I have the opposite problem to the OP, he's quite romantic and gentle/mellow and I usually like rough and passionate. But I'm giving it a go and second time was already much better than the first time. Our bodies need to get to know each other, and people are always a bit unsure how to please the other person at first.

 

[Babylonia]

I can't understand your post because you don't give examples nor explain in detail what he's doing you don't like.

 

[Ninae]

Well, we won't be living in the same city for a while, so I'll probably not see him until May now.

But most likely it will work out, we'll get engaged, and move in together. Becuase we really want to be together despite anything else.

So I guess it might not end in break-up for me.

 

[nuttynutskin]

So you broke up because you felt you weren't sexually compatible even tho you never had sex with him, and now you're talking about how it will most likely workout and you'll get engaged and move in together? That just sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen. You said it might not end in a break-up but you already said you broke up with him. No offense but you don't sound all that stable and I think owe it to both yourself and any potential partner to get your head straightened out before pursuing any more relationships. You should also try to stop blaming guys for everything, but that's just my 2 cents.

 

[Ninae]

Actually, I mainly blamed myself, I said it wasn't any good way to go about it any more.

And just acknowledging that men and women are different, and they are, is not blaming men for everything. I said the differences are a problem, and they are, but none of the sexes can really be blamed for what they are like.

Like, I know most men want to fuck everything in sight but I don't blame them for it, it's just their nature. It's when I'm going to have an interaction with them that it can become a problem. I don't even know why I'm defending myself against this - too many just twist everything you say the worst way.

 

[Psyduck]

I am too lazy to use the search function, but if I recall correctly, you have been making 2-3 similar threads the last 2 years

- you breakup with the person
- you come at SLR for some attention, and hope that people support your decision
- a few days later, you decide to go back to the guy
- by showing how sorry you are, you try to manipulate the posters in SLR as well the person you broke up with,
- ultimately this is a recipe for a disaster
- but what the hell do I know... maybe, deep down, you enjoy manipulation, disasters and drama...

instead of your long pseudo-intellectual rant about the differences between men&women, and blaming men... maybe you should spend some more time reflecting about your own behavior, and how you deal with other people in relationships. This is not new, but repetitive, behavior.

 

[Ninae]

Spare me - I've never been in this situation before - but I can see many like to take it out on me.

END OF THREAD

 

[Psyduck]

Spare me - I've never been in this situation before

Luckily we live in world of facts and not in a world of imagination/delusion.

Quick search on phone.... probably more posts to find

http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/679852-I-have-such-a-good-guy-and-I-still-can-t-feel-it-for-him

Tldr... but cf. especially #19, #20, and #21

- but I can see many like to take it out on me.

Even though I seem harsh on you a lot of times, I do want to help. But helping people is not equal to telling people what they like to hear.

 

[nuttynutskin]

And just acknowledging that men and women are different, and they are, is not blaming men for everything. I said the differences are a problem, and they are, but none of the sexes can really be blamed for what they are like.

Let me quote what you said again...

I think men would be getting a lot more sex if you were a bit more like us sexually.

That's not saying men and women are different, that's just straight up femnazi rhetoric. And again, more misandry and stereotyping...

Like, I know most men want to fuck everything in sight but I don't blame them for it, it's just their nature. It's when I'm going to have an interaction with them that it can become a problem.

I don't even know why I'm defending myself against this - too many just twist everything you say the worst way.

I don't see anyone twisting anything you've said around. You might not like what they're saying but there's a big difference.

Quick search on phone.... probably more posts to find

http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/679852-I-have-such-a-good-guy-and-I-still-can-t-feel-it-for-him

Oh wow, a track record lol.

 

[Brook88]

sounds like you need some counseling., -Before starting any new relationships.