Leaving your friends

[floatingaround]

So to cut a long story short for most of those who don't know..

I was best friends with this girl for a year who I always liked more then just a friend, and she knew this the whole time. We were very open with things we spoke about, and me having this obsession with her was known. Back track 3 or so months ago, an old mate( who I don't speak to anymore) moves back to state. My best friend and old mate start going out( this guy used to be my best mate before he moved, we hung out in the same group) my old mate and best friend started going out, naturally I couldn't be around them so I kept my distance. My 2 other closest mates are best mates with this girl and my old mate, they literally hang out 247 so I have to avoid going out and hanging out now because of this.

. I'm wondering though who else has been in this situation before? It's killing me from the inside out knowing I'm going to have to make new friends now, as knowing my old ones just keeps me depressed, like when I have to ask who there with every time I go out just to make sure I'm not going to be around this girl and old mate. It doesn't help my situation when I owe rent, bills, debts, and I've somehow gotta break this lease I'm on and tell real estate( something I see almost impossible to do due to this anxiety I have) then sort another place to live, and my mum isn't helping me out either.

Blah. I'm fucking sick of this shit, for the past month I've been a fucking mess, not living, just surviving. I really wish I cold just OD, but the pain I will bring to my mother is something I don't want to imagine or it her through.

 

[herbavore]

That's really a hard place to be in; but as hard as it is to make new friends, I think it would really help you to pursue it. Once you have some other people to socialize with, it might be easier to socialize with your old group as well on a limited basis. In time, the sting might fade. If it doesn't, you will have new people to put your emotional energy into.

If you pour your energy into tidying up the other aspects of your life, that could be a really empowering feeling and something that could help you feel like you are in control again. Being rejected is one of the most vulnerable experiences to have to go through, but if you can remind yourself that it is something everyone does go through at some point, and not take it as personally as it feels, you can concentrate on rebuilding your strength.

Good luck and hang in there because it will get easier.

 

[Obiez]

I am in an even worse position then you, regarding friends and an ex. Tough I know. Trust me I know.

I understand that you have anxiety issues, but nothing else that you said makes me believe that you absolutely have to stop hanging out with these people. In fact, if you really love the girl, sooner or later you will be happy for her. You got friend zoned, big whoop. Happened to me all the time growing up, never made me resent someone else's good fortune. Plus removing yourself from the equation just makes you look like a coward. I understand that your anxiety stops you from communicating clearly when in delicate situations, but reality of the matter is that the only way to beat anxiety is to learn how to control it, not run away from it.

It's only a big deal when you make it a big deal. Plus, this girl is clearly better friend material then girlfriend material for you. This is no reason for you to alienate yourself neither from those friends, or from making new ones. It is just a matter of accepting the situation for what it is. PM me if you want to. Write it down here if you want and I will respond to you. Your life is not as bad as it may seem, although it is the most cliche thing to say herbavore is right, it gets easier.

 

[Pagey]

I was in a similar situation last year when my ex and I broke up. We'd been together for almost three years so I was quite close to his friends as well, but after our relationship ended I kinda had to stop seeing them cuz they were always with him. Also, the girl he cheated on me with and left me for had sadly been one of my 'friends' so we had lots of friends in common, and it became quite awkward to hang out with some of them considering they knew how much I now hated that girl.

I agree with herbavore though, you should really pursue the effort of meeting new people. It's a drag at first, but it's exiciting as well and there's no reason why they won't turn out as awesome as the other people you used to hang out with.
Also, I seem to recall that when you'd posted about this a few weeks ago you'd said your friends agreed to see you without that girl & her boyfriend? Has that changed?

 

[floatingaround]

Thanks for all the replys.

I know by running away and alienating myself I'm just making things worse. And I think this to begin with is a huge factor as to why I no longer hang with them, it's built up to this level of awkwardness for me where I can't think about facing that situation. Easier for others I know. I've said some bad things to my old mate so there's beef there. I just feel like I've acted like a complete coward, been extremely 2 faced and that's probably the main issue.

I tried speaking to this girl last night on Facebook when she was literally down the road at my mates celebrating her birthday. Pretty soon I was back depressed wondering why the fucking even unblocked her. I've been trying to keep my feelings in check, but I can't it's just too hard. I think the biggest issue here is the actuall anxiety I've created around the initial problem(which I feel I'm over and I've come to accept) that's making me feel so down. Just the way I've acted and everyone sees this and knows, leaves me with a pretty rotten feeling inside.

The only people I hang out with from this whole group are 2 people. And thats only be ause 1 of my still mates lives down the road. If I was living elsewhere, which I will be soon I wouldn't be seeing them I don't think. I have the worst thoughts about what everyone thinks of me.

I know only by facing my anxietys and hanging out with them all I will make progress. It's extremely hard too think about when I know exactly how I will feel being in that situation.

Thanks everyone