I got off work early this morning because the relief nurse for the day shift arrived 50 minutes early. I came home for an hour, then drove down to the court house to pay the fines and register for traffic school the last 2 Wednesdays this month for 4 hrs a peice at night. I figured I might as well get it over with, plus the DMV will drop the charge against me and I'll have 0 points on my driving record. That took a couple hours so it was a good thing that I had a good book to read while I waited in line. I absolutely hate waiting in long lines that move at the pace of a snail and I have to have something to keep me occupied in order to keep from going ballistic. That done, I ate a healthy breakfast, came home, went on line for a bit. There were a couple messages from Dave. To backtrack, I've been debating whether or not to take ibogaine or shrooms, trip hard, get information from my guides.
The thing that attracts me to ibogaine is all the written testimonials of all the people that claim it really helped them get off whatever drug they are hooked on, and I specifically want it to help cure me of my eating disorder, plus other self destructive habits like unnecessary fear and generally not doing shit because I'm afraid of it. I've wasted more than half my life, only the last 2 years finally starting to get my shit together and I'm tired of wasting time on the same old issues that have hounded me since the day I can remember. I don't know if the iboga thing will or will not come to pass. The only reason it might is my friend said he got ahold of some, but still that's a passport away and a trip to Canada. Don't know how far off in the future it may be, so I asked him to get me shrooms, then recanted thinking, na I ought to be stronger than that.
Still, the point is not to get high, it is merely to get help. Hence, Dave. I crack myself up sometimes being a yo yo. Erik can u get me some shrooms? Nevermind Erik don't get me shrooms, then an IM from Dave stating, "I bet you would just love to have your pussy eaten." WTF?!! Dude. Obviously, he's still got a mega case of blue balls because his wife that he remarried 5 years ago still refuses to fuck him. It's been years since Dave and I had anything like that going on and I only want to be friends like we have been. Besides that, I'm not going to be the contributor of him fucking around on his wife. So, in response to his message, I merely typed my ongoing playful insult to him, "Dildo." After I got that IM I sent him an email asking if he could score some shrooms. "Why are you going off the wagon?" he asked. "Not as far as other drugs no. I want them for a reason I'll tell you about later. Remind me to tell you about iboga."
"Kay fine I'll see what I can do," he wrote. This morning there was an IM waiting for me from him that read, "Tits?" "No thanks. I have my own. Dildos?" I wrote being a wise ass.
I don't even know if this trip thing is or is not a good idea, but I do know that being in an altered state on shrooms takes me to a higher realm of conscienceness. I can talk to the Source and hear answers and get the help I need, unlike when I'm sober meditating it's like I can pray all I want, but rarely can hear a damn thing because I can't turn my fucking conscience mind off no matter how hard I try. It's like trying to turn the radio dial and getting nothing but static. It pisses me off and I'm plain tired of dicking around with my issues, so I'm gonna make one last try using iboga or shrooms as my atenna to the gods. It may or may not come to pass. Whatever happens, happens. If it doesn't happen then I believe it wasn't meant to. So that said, I'm leaving it to the fates.
The thing that attracts me to ibogaine is all the written testimonials of all the people that claim it really helped them get off whatever drug they are hooked on, and I specifically want it to help cure me of my eating disorder, plus other self destructive habits like unnecessary fear and generally not doing shit because I'm afraid of it. I've wasted more than half my life, only the last 2 years finally starting to get my shit together and I'm tired of wasting time on the same old issues that have hounded me since the day I can remember. I don't know if the iboga thing will or will not come to pass. The only reason it might is my friend said he got ahold of some, but still that's a passport away and a trip to Canada. Don't know how far off in the future it may be, so I asked him to get me shrooms, then recanted thinking, na I ought to be stronger than that.
Still, the point is not to get high, it is merely to get help. Hence, Dave. I crack myself up sometimes being a yo yo. Erik can u get me some shrooms? Nevermind Erik don't get me shrooms, then an IM from Dave stating, "I bet you would just love to have your pussy eaten." WTF?!! Dude. Obviously, he's still got a mega case of blue balls because his wife that he remarried 5 years ago still refuses to fuck him. It's been years since Dave and I had anything like that going on and I only want to be friends like we have been. Besides that, I'm not going to be the contributor of him fucking around on his wife. So, in response to his message, I merely typed my ongoing playful insult to him, "Dildo." After I got that IM I sent him an email asking if he could score some shrooms. "Why are you going off the wagon?" he asked. "Not as far as other drugs no. I want them for a reason I'll tell you about later. Remind me to tell you about iboga."
"Kay fine I'll see what I can do," he wrote. This morning there was an IM waiting for me from him that read, "Tits?" "No thanks. I have my own. Dildos?" I wrote being a wise ass.
I don't even know if this trip thing is or is not a good idea, but I do know that being in an altered state on shrooms takes me to a higher realm of conscienceness. I can talk to the Source and hear answers and get the help I need, unlike when I'm sober meditating it's like I can pray all I want, but rarely can hear a damn thing because I can't turn my fucking conscience mind off no matter how hard I try. It's like trying to turn the radio dial and getting nothing but static. It pisses me off and I'm plain tired of dicking around with my issues, so I'm gonna make one last try using iboga or shrooms as my atenna to the gods. It may or may not come to pass. Whatever happens, happens. If it doesn't happen then I believe it wasn't meant to. So that said, I'm leaving it to the fates.