Last night, I asked Ali if we could head out to a strip joint as I wanted to get out and do something different. I assumed he would say no and didnt really care either way as I was tucking into a nice bottle of pinot grigio and chilling at home after a hard day at work.
He wanted to come over instead, and my house was a bit messy and I was feeling self concious so I said no.
He was a little taken aback so I told him why I didn't want him over. I only want people over when my house is pristine and it was in no way as bad as it was when I hit rock bottom, I hadnt put my clothes away or vaccummed.
He said he didn't care, just wanted to hang out. So I snapped out of it and he came over. Luckily I made myself and the place look good before he came.
We get along so well, considering we only met a few weeks ago and have hung out twice. We have constant bullshit banter which is fun and stress free.
I am stress free about where I stand with him, I was kinda keen on him and told him I was considering it. He said he was honest and saw us as being friends only, which on hindsight is really what I need anyway.
After a glass or ten of wine, we were very relaxed in each others company. We have kissed and cuddles and made out like crazy before. Hes very very hot.
I like this person, hes really sweet.
We had a swim in the pool out apartments have. Its really pretty and was warm and nice. We got a little frisky and started kissing and touching each other. A couple in a neighbouring apartment came out so we cooled off haha
One thing lead to another and we slept together. Hes very loving, and I felt very happy to have this person with me.
We talked and talked later on and agreed we are both happy with what we have, our connection.
I told him about my previous troubles with my ex boyfriend. Ive calmed down a hell of a lot this week over that. It is pretty clear to me now why he did not want me anymore and don't blame him at all. I am upset at how things ended up being, with too much pain strung over an extended period of time. But its all over now and both Tom and myself are alot better off I reckon.
I learned from that. I was trying to be with someone I loved without changing my drug habit or jaded ways. I now realise it was always inevitable what would happen because I saw no other way it would end.
Out of Tom and myself, it was me who changed the most for better and worse. I didn't realise at the time that the withdrawal from drugs was making me irrationally dependant on him for help. I don't know, I was lost and frightened. I felt abandoned when I was trying to go clean. I am clean now and settled.
I cant be with someone who has drug issues or with someone who is not able to be very direct with his feelings as that causes insecurity in an insecure person. I shold have trusted but could not.
I am sorry and remorseful for insulting him during arguments. I had no right to do that.
I did not deserve some hurts I have had to bear, but am dealing with them.
Alasdair and I are going to the pub and out for tea tonight, I think. Something anyway.
He is a good friend with benefits.
I cant have a boyfriend, I am not together enough to be a good girlfriend to anyone right now.
He wanted to come over instead, and my house was a bit messy and I was feeling self concious so I said no.
He was a little taken aback so I told him why I didn't want him over. I only want people over when my house is pristine and it was in no way as bad as it was when I hit rock bottom, I hadnt put my clothes away or vaccummed.
He said he didn't care, just wanted to hang out. So I snapped out of it and he came over. Luckily I made myself and the place look good before he came.
We get along so well, considering we only met a few weeks ago and have hung out twice. We have constant bullshit banter which is fun and stress free.
I am stress free about where I stand with him, I was kinda keen on him and told him I was considering it. He said he was honest and saw us as being friends only, which on hindsight is really what I need anyway.
After a glass or ten of wine, we were very relaxed in each others company. We have kissed and cuddles and made out like crazy before. Hes very very hot.
I like this person, hes really sweet.
We had a swim in the pool out apartments have. Its really pretty and was warm and nice. We got a little frisky and started kissing and touching each other. A couple in a neighbouring apartment came out so we cooled off haha
One thing lead to another and we slept together. Hes very loving, and I felt very happy to have this person with me.
We talked and talked later on and agreed we are both happy with what we have, our connection.
I told him about my previous troubles with my ex boyfriend. Ive calmed down a hell of a lot this week over that. It is pretty clear to me now why he did not want me anymore and don't blame him at all. I am upset at how things ended up being, with too much pain strung over an extended period of time. But its all over now and both Tom and myself are alot better off I reckon.
I learned from that. I was trying to be with someone I loved without changing my drug habit or jaded ways. I now realise it was always inevitable what would happen because I saw no other way it would end.
Out of Tom and myself, it was me who changed the most for better and worse. I didn't realise at the time that the withdrawal from drugs was making me irrationally dependant on him for help. I don't know, I was lost and frightened. I felt abandoned when I was trying to go clean. I am clean now and settled.
I cant be with someone who has drug issues or with someone who is not able to be very direct with his feelings as that causes insecurity in an insecure person. I shold have trusted but could not.
I am sorry and remorseful for insulting him during arguments. I had no right to do that.
I did not deserve some hurts I have had to bear, but am dealing with them.
Alasdair and I are going to the pub and out for tea tonight, I think. Something anyway.
He is a good friend with benefits.
I cant have a boyfriend, I am not together enough to be a good girlfriend to anyone right now.
