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Last High

Morphine never really got me high. I suppose it was blocked from all the other shitty opiates I used to take every day, all the time.
 
IV morphine is pretty nice, IMO. That's pretty much the only good way to take morphine, though (other than perhaps plugging, which I've never tried)
 
I'd agree, no point in taking morphine unless I can bang it, it's about that rush and a morphine rush can at times be almost painful....then it eases right on out...doesn't get me a nod but man that rush....
 
Yeah I don't iv anything I have always thought about plugging it which I may do next time my mom throws me a few extra my way. But I have only taken morphine a couple times due to it not being that potent when taken orally
 
Being a CPP my prescribed meds last night consisted of

15mg morphine
300mg Lyrica
25mg of Roxis five 5 mg pills
2mg Klonopin
The Lyrica and opiates worked well together I want off the opiates, but don't know how I will be able to with the pain.
the benzos are for life,unfortunately.

i am going to take the opiate detox head on, I would like to think I will be able to do so. I have been throug plenty of pain and suffering in my life and in the military. Hopefully it will translate to my opiate detox. This was a lower dose at time I am up to 50mg a day been steady for a year.

I dont know know how bad the withdrawl will be but I have been on and off pain pills due to surgeries for over 20 years. This is the first time I have taken them daily. I know it's a low dose compared to some on the board, who had IV addictions. I guess I don't know what to expect.
 
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Congratulations for wanting to improve your life. I can relate to that and I believe I know what you must be going through. Don't give up. Things will get better.

I just wanted to share that Benzos for life can be tricky because of the tolerance you build around then. That's one of the reasons. There are others, like long term side effects.

I started taking Valium at the age of 17 and by mid 30s I was doing 6 pills every 6 hours just to feel alright, not to mention all of the opiates. Horrible.

Eventually I stopped all of that and sticked with Methadone and Bromazepam only. Tapered to 8 x a day for both of them. That lasted 7.5 years when I finally started to feel really bad and my doctor said I could not go on upgrading my prescriptions. The moment I most needed them they failed to function, and I had to choose.

I know most people don't have a long term concern because we are almost sure we'll get around it when time comes but we don't. Same applies for opiates.

At a certain point in life you'll have to choose. I knew deep inside that I was not going to get away with that. That does not mean you can't use benzo for life it just means that at a certain point they will stop working and the feeling would be almost the same as if you weren't using them, or lowering the doses indefinitely. You can't upgrade your doses for ever that's what I had tried to do and failed.

Years before I would either OD or get clean, which was impossible for me. Trust me I literally believed it was impossible. Unfortunately we take a long time to realize what's right for us and when we do we regret the time we lost. And trying to get it back is not an option, you have to work with what you have. And sometimes that is not enough.

I'm not judging your choices at all. Just giving a feedback of mine which seemed to be a bit similar in terms of ideals and goals, specially for opiates.

I finally stopped using them and like I said I really wish I had believed in myself before. I wished I didn't have to try so many times. But at the end I can tell you we have the strength we wish for. If you really want to achieve your goals do that because you can. Nothing of that nature is impossible, it's just hard.

I wish you well!
Erik
 
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Erikmen said:
Congratulations for wanting to improve your life. I can relate to that and I believe I know what you must be going through. Don't give up. Things will get better.

I just wanted to share that Benzos for life can be tricky because of the tolerance you build around then. That's one of the reasons. There are others, like long term side effects.

I started taking Valium at the age of 17 and by mid 30s I was doing 6 pills every 6 hours just to feel alright, not to mention all of the opiates. Horrible.

Eventually I stopped all of that and sticked with Methadone and Bromazepam only. Tapered to 8 x a day for both of them. That lasted 7.5 years when I finally started to feel really bad and my doctor said I could not go on upgrading my prescriptions. The moment I most needed them they failed to function, and I had to choose.

I know most people don't have a long term concern because we are almost sure we'll get around it when time comes but we don't. Same applies for opiates.

At a certain point in life you'll have to choose. I knew deep inside that I was not going to get away with that. That does not mean you can't use benzo for life it just means that at a certain point they will stop working and the feeling would be almost the same as if you weren't using them, or lowering the doses indefinitely. You can't upgrade your doses for ever that's what I had tried to do and failed.

Years before I would either OD or get clean, which was impossible for me. Trust me I literally believed it was impossible. Unfortunately we take a long time to realize what's right for us and when we do we regret the time we lost. And trying to get it back is not an option, you have to work with what you have. And sometimes that is not enough.

I'm not judging your choices at all. Just giving a feedback of mine which seemed to be a bit similar in terms of ideals and goals, specially for opiates.

I finally stopped using them and like I said I really wish I had believed in myself before. I wished I didn't have to try so many times. But at the end I can tell you we have the strength we wish for. If you really want to achieve your goals do that because you can. Nothing of that nature is impossible, it's just hard.

I wish you well!
Erik
Click to expand...


Thanks Erikmen,

i appreciate your input I have to tackle the opiates first and was hoping to use Kratom but after reading another post I am extremely skeptical as it really takes away my craving for opiates, to a certain extent. I will then down the road try to get off the benzos.I have some pretty severe PTSD issues along with some other MH issues.

Things are very complicated in my life right know and benzos are a life saver, and me off benzos is a dangerous situation. It also affects my wife and son who is still very young.

I appreciate you sharing your experience with me as I follow your post as the are very insightful.

Thank you for taking the time out to respond your experience and advice is well received.

Thank you
 
I always envy people who every few months or so can have dip their toes in have a jol¡°nice time¡±and afterwards get back to the real world.as for me I'd never be able to do that.I'd end up homeless just living for my next fix of whatever I am using,if getting off stupid meds was so hard took me 7 years wonder what I'd be like if it was heroin or mdma?also I'm fascinated by what I read here about acid never heard stories like that or even experiences no I know has ever done it,seems scary yet very intrigued.
 
I know! I believe I understand what you mean.

I think some movies, books, series etc tend to 'romantictise' the use of drugs, especially the part where the recreational use seems to work so perfectly. I did have few friend who did drugs for a long time and they seemed to be always fine. But once talking to one of them, I understood that most things are like we see what you drink but we don't when you fall. For me it has never worked. Sometimes I have thoughts that I could have made it through if I had it control, but this are quite difficult 'achievements'. They are not even that good because it makes people think about drugs way more than they should. We sometimes follow the illusion of a better life to instinctively see how we could make our lives bearable in moments of sadness or loneliness and even boredom which leads so many people into the drug business.

In reality though, things are pretty tough when drugs are one of the problems we have to deal with because it's a life issue and you'll have to deal with it until your last day in this world. For some time it makes us think we are invincible when from outside we are showing a different picture.
 
Last high was yesterday with absinthe. Ephoric as hell for some munites, but then my mind started playing games, the lights started dancing around me, the room was getting smaller, then bigger, then labyrinth... I had to leave the house and I ended up with a junkie looking for H in the center of Athens. We found the dealer, he went to bring the stuff but very suddently I sobbered up, I asked my self what the fuck I was doing and left before the dealer comes back. The junkie begged me to stay cause the dealer wouldn't sell less than a gram" FUCK OFF WHORE"... I told her and went back home. Crazy night.
 
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Lucky you. I don't think I would be able to turn my back if I had gotten that far out.
Good that you didn't.
 
Half a bottle of conjac yesterday after a few beers, typical beutifull drunkness:good mood-happiness, anxienty gone away, cares that were about to make my mind blow out seemed so unimportant.
Glad that the bad effects of alcohol(nausea, slow downed speach, hangover) don't affect me anymore.
 
I'm thinking less and less of my last high. The real shitty high I used to get every morning and late at night. Can't really think of that as a good thing. I guess my last 'high' was having a couple of beers before lunch during a bbq. Didn't want to drink more, I was pretty okay with a couple of them.
 
The last time I got high I hope is my last.

I was railing huge lines of dope, 100mg lines of 3-meo-pcp fishscale chain smoking blunts to try to get out of my head, stop feeling the weight of all my sins on my shoulder.

The day I went to detox I was doing all these drugs, in amounts that could kill 10 normal people. Dumping powder on a plate "never done that much, might die, fuck it" not getting high at all.

God stepped in and gave me a vision. I saw my entire history of drug use from the time I was 12 in front of me. Things I hadn't thought about in years: crying girlfriends, crime sprees, lockup etc just hurting so many people and God let me know I didn't have to live like that anymore, been clean since.
 
Spent the last 2 days high on H. More relaxation than ephoria this time. Especially yesterday, I had sex, then I went back to smoking H. About 6 a.m. I decided to masturbate, real bad idea. I was masturbating for 3 hours and didn't cum, and after all my cock swelled. I just hope it's temporary.
 
From opiates, benzos etc, almost 2 years ago. :) !!
Have had a couple of beers with my family few months back. No big deal as Alcohol has never been my thing, nevertheless, didn't want to keep on/repeat with the experience.
Cigarettes on the other hand, I have been managing to smoke them very occasionally.
Coffee, every working day.
 
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