spacenomad
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 16, 2007
- Messages
- 21
Anyone know what happened to captainballs?
If you read this cb... please don't die. *fingers crossed*
If you read this cb... please don't die. *fingers crossed*
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Last day plans?
- Thread starter captainballs
- Start date
captainballs
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 21, 2004
- Messages
- 9,954
back from detox, too weirded out and anxious to think about this. i was gone for a week so i didn't get to post here, i'm sorry to dp, mp, spork, and everyone else i worried. i'll stay clean and watch now that i see that being addicted to pills is just as painful as anything else, as evidenced my posts.
i have spent 2 days before thinking they would be my last. because i tried to make it that way, really hard, not some call for help.
and you know what i did? sat in my basement and did lines. day well spent.
EDIT: didnt read all the responses so now i got a different tone.... just do whatever you feel like. the more natural your actions, the better
and you know what i did? sat in my basement and did lines. day well spent.
EDIT: didnt read all the responses so now i got a different tone.... just do whatever you feel like. the more natural your actions, the better
Jamshyd
Bluelight Crew
I will not lie to you, S, but as I have been too isolated lately and I rarely check TDS anyway, I was unaware that you were planning this, or that you were in pain recently, until I was contacted by people asking me if I had heard from you.
And I will not b/s you in that I personally believe in people's right to end their own lives based exactly on the same conundrum that you describe (that they had no say in being born).
But you cannot imagine how happy I am to see that you've decided against doing this.
Let me tell you this.
You say that you gave your co-worker a gift because people who can feel so much deserve better. In my opinion, this means that you also deserve better since you can feel just as much, if not more. And since such people are a rarity, you'd be doing the world a disservice by getting rid of one of them.
This is the reason I am so happy. Besides the fact that I'd always considered you a wonderful person.
I think, after you have rested from withdrawals a bit, you owe it to yourself to take a vacation and travel. As cliche as it may sound, I truly believe that, by visiting places where people have had to deal with serious distress, one learns new ways to deal with the simple fact that to exist is to suffer - not by belittling one's own pain by witnessing worse, but simply by learning from what others do.
I know I am not the best person when it comes to keeping in touch. But please do not hesitate for a moment to contact me at any time.
And I will not b/s you in that I personally believe in people's right to end their own lives based exactly on the same conundrum that you describe (that they had no say in being born).
But you cannot imagine how happy I am to see that you've decided against doing this.
Let me tell you this.
You say that you gave your co-worker a gift because people who can feel so much deserve better. In my opinion, this means that you also deserve better since you can feel just as much, if not more. And since such people are a rarity, you'd be doing the world a disservice by getting rid of one of them.
This is the reason I am so happy. Besides the fact that I'd always considered you a wonderful person.
I think, after you have rested from withdrawals a bit, you owe it to yourself to take a vacation and travel. As cliche as it may sound, I truly believe that, by visiting places where people have had to deal with serious distress, one learns new ways to deal with the simple fact that to exist is to suffer - not by belittling one's own pain by witnessing worse, but simply by learning from what others do.
I know I am not the best person when it comes to keeping in touch. But please do not hesitate for a moment to contact me at any time.
Sl1pp3Ry
Greenlighter
CB, I do not know you but feel compelled nonetheless to respond to your posts; which deeply saddened me. It is apparent through reading your posts that there are numerous people in your life who love you and depend on you for everyday support and comfort. You mentioned your girlfriend, your family, your friend who is facing difficult times, not to mention even your own boss and co-workers find you to be worthwhile (I wish I could be so lucky 
I do not know the extenuating circumstances surrounding your planned demise, except you mentioned being chronically depressed despite having the appearance of a good life full of love and family. Perhaps you could share some more on why you are so intent cut yourself short in this existence? Sometimes it helps just to vent, regardless of how you do go about doing it...that is why forums like this are so crucial I suppose. You sound like a really bright bulb in a great many respects, so it is sad to know that the world would be a darker place if you were not here continuing to share your light with those who love you. After reading the responses to your thread, it is obvious that many others here feel the same way. Stick around, it just might get better. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I do not know the extenuating circumstances surrounding your planned demise, except you mentioned being chronically depressed despite having the appearance of a good life full of love and family. Perhaps you could share some more on why you are so intent cut yourself short in this existence? Sometimes it helps just to vent, regardless of how you do go about doing it...that is why forums like this are so crucial I suppose. You sound like a really bright bulb in a great many respects, so it is sad to know that the world would be a darker place if you were not here continuing to share your light with those who love you. After reading the responses to your thread, it is obvious that many others here feel the same way. Stick around, it just might get better. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
versd
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2009
- Messages
- 1,055
hypothetically if i had to plan my last day, i know you've made your decision and i've posted already about how i think you should change your mind, do please dont take any disrespect from this post.
i would go see all the people i loved in this world.
i would say good bye.
and that act alone would tear me so deeply to my soul, that for those special people only, i would endure whatever this cruel life had to throw at me, to be there for them, to work only to support them, to be alive, only to be there to listen.
when life stops having any meaning for myself, there is only meaning for them. and that is enough
i would go see all the people i loved in this world.
i would say good bye.
and that act alone would tear me so deeply to my soul, that for those special people only, i would endure whatever this cruel life had to throw at me, to be there for them, to work only to support them, to be alive, only to be there to listen.
when life stops having any meaning for myself, there is only meaning for them. and that is enough
I am extremely glad to hear from you cb, and that you're doing better. I wish only the very best for you, please take care
panic in paradise
Bluelighter
It is so good to hear from you. I was hoping you would letter us know you where alright, one way or another. It seems like you have too much life in you to let those feelings win.
spork
Bluelight Crew
hey, im so glad ur ok. Its so weird how i dont know u from a hole in the wall but i really cared so much to know how ur doing. Coming out of detox i think is the hardest cuz ppl expect so many things from u the person that said go on vacation i think thats a great idea. Good luck man i hope u feel good. : )