This one has been a long time coming. I have gone through the methadone program, having never accepted take homes due to "f that" philosophy, and today was my last 2mg dose! I was meant to see my counselor for a final meeting, she loves me by the way, so at the end of it i was explaining my plans as I told her I turned down a better job.
Basically the convo went something like this "oh i plan i going to this festival that festival this club to see that EDM producer" and she said "you dont think going to those things and being around those people will make you use" and I responded "no theres no heroin or crack there, its real hippy psychedelic shit so no not at all" she asked what i would be doing if i went to those shows to which i stated "oh i absolutely love psychedelics and MDMA i will be taking those when i go for sure" That bit of information floored the woman and we got into a small discussion about how i feel she thinks all drug use is for assigned reasons which is fine but my use of psychedelics is purely an enhancer of what is already there and ive been doing them since i was 16 responsibly.
But yeah talk about funny literally last 10 minutes being like "bitch ive been doing L molly and K for the past months now and if anything they are the reason i wont do what i use to do, they are the things i enjoy the things i dont abuse and the only substances i have managed to keep under complete control as i would never do anything to ruin such a pure experience." I mean she knows im trying to go back to school for chemistry and i have the next 5 years of my life planned out, i try to be open and honest telling her that i wouldnt stop smoking weed and its none of the words fucking business if i smoke a joint before bed and i wont stop. I am a man of conviction who knows what he wants and honestly i would know if my life fell off the tracks as i enrolled in programs twice when that happens i have no problem admitting when things are out of hand but i dont see candy flipping at shows and a once a week at most k hole alone before bed as detrimental.
But yeah I think finally getting to say all of that put me in a good mood, i mean my counselor 100% respected me and trusted my opinion so i figured last day id tell her who i truly was... Like the worst part about coming off was demotivation I can handle fractured sleep i do sleep so Im not complaining about that constantly needing to shit isnt too big of a deal but it made me so sad my chemistry stuff was coming in and i lacked the motivation to use it. Like seriously made me think of what it would be like if i couldnt do it ever and how my life would become pointless i mean i knew the motivation would come back chemistry is my life but it made me sad to think when im 70 what if i cant do it.
Sorry for the rambling and shit I am just so happy to say i am off methadone, happy today as this was my last 2mg i will see how i feel between days 4-7 the days that always proved to be the most uncomfortable.
But i changed my profile picture as i am the william wallace electron breaking free of the large cluster fuck mass that held me in place forever. FREEDOM!
Basically the convo went something like this "oh i plan i going to this festival that festival this club to see that EDM producer" and she said "you dont think going to those things and being around those people will make you use" and I responded "no theres no heroin or crack there, its real hippy psychedelic shit so no not at all" she asked what i would be doing if i went to those shows to which i stated "oh i absolutely love psychedelics and MDMA i will be taking those when i go for sure" That bit of information floored the woman and we got into a small discussion about how i feel she thinks all drug use is for assigned reasons which is fine but my use of psychedelics is purely an enhancer of what is already there and ive been doing them since i was 16 responsibly.
But yeah talk about funny literally last 10 minutes being like "bitch ive been doing L molly and K for the past months now and if anything they are the reason i wont do what i use to do, they are the things i enjoy the things i dont abuse and the only substances i have managed to keep under complete control as i would never do anything to ruin such a pure experience." I mean she knows im trying to go back to school for chemistry and i have the next 5 years of my life planned out, i try to be open and honest telling her that i wouldnt stop smoking weed and its none of the words fucking business if i smoke a joint before bed and i wont stop. I am a man of conviction who knows what he wants and honestly i would know if my life fell off the tracks as i enrolled in programs twice when that happens i have no problem admitting when things are out of hand but i dont see candy flipping at shows and a once a week at most k hole alone before bed as detrimental.
But yeah I think finally getting to say all of that put me in a good mood, i mean my counselor 100% respected me and trusted my opinion so i figured last day id tell her who i truly was... Like the worst part about coming off was demotivation I can handle fractured sleep i do sleep so Im not complaining about that constantly needing to shit isnt too big of a deal but it made me so sad my chemistry stuff was coming in and i lacked the motivation to use it. Like seriously made me think of what it would be like if i couldnt do it ever and how my life would become pointless i mean i knew the motivation would come back chemistry is my life but it made me sad to think when im 70 what if i cant do it.
Sorry for the rambling and shit I am just so happy to say i am off methadone, happy today as this was my last 2mg i will see how i feel between days 4-7 the days that always proved to be the most uncomfortable.
But i changed my profile picture as i am the william wallace electron breaking free of the large cluster fuck mass that held me in place forever. FREEDOM!
