draculic acid69
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 22, 2019
- Messages
- 1,530
Call "hoarders".
Every episode sounds like this
Every episode sounds like this
Hey that's such a lovely message! Thanks!I'm sorry about all the shit your dealing with, that is rough. From the house you described I would rather just sleep outside, for real.
Obviously idk you but I have read a number of your posts and even though it is apparent that you are dealing with some serious problems in your life, but you still have some positive vibe about you.
At age 47 you likely have quite a number a years left. If you played you card right, buckled down, and got clean every "problem" you are facing today could be a distant memory in less than a couple years.
My point is, your not over the hill! Any thought of being too old to be worth changing is bullshit negative self talk.
I hope you find your way!
Ps: if it wasn't for bloody COVID, I'd go back to AA. I have found AA to be quite effective for both my booze and my drug issues in the past.Hey that's such a lovely message! Thanks!
It's cheered me up quite a bit!
Wow! What a lovely compliment. Yes I do (or did) write - I have a PhD in lit and have published one book - the smash hit bestseller "Ferocious Things: Jean Rhys and the Politics of Women's Melancholia" - (2009).
I believe as many as several hundred copies may exist in this world.
But the academic career fell by the way side because of various horrorshow "life events". Some of which weren't my fault, but let's not worry about the "not my fault" shit: I fucked up pretty efficiently under my own steam ...
But thanks for your praise! It's been ages since anyone has given me quite such a boost....
Thanks
Thank you! But to give my dear late mother credit, when I was a child and teenager the place was always spotless.The fact that you've managed to achieve such a level of education despite such an upbringing speaks volumes about you.
Keep on keeping on my love....
Thank you! But to give my dear late mother credit, when I was a child and teenager the place was always spotless.
Plus she was an English teacher herself.
I am not sure if I mentioned this in my OP but Mum committed suicide in 2013. In the back yard of this (now) accursed house.
I don't know why my Dad doesn't move. It doesn't seem to bother him.
I must admit it no longer bothers me as much as it once did - for years after Mum's death I had a hard time even going inside to visit Dad, let alone sleep overnight.
I suppose I feel Mum has well and truly left that building by now. Even though she died there, very brutally and miserably, it just doesn't feel like that place has anything to do with her anymore...
I am not putting it all that well, but you probably know what I mean.
My mother hanged herself.This is a very personal question and if you dont want to talk about it, I fully understand. But you mentioned the brutality of your mother's suicide and I was wondering how she did it?
I have experienced suicide, very up close and personal on two seperate occasions in my life and have found the manner in which individuals carry out the act is somehow fascinating to me. I had a friend who shot himself directly between his eyes and another was a female friend who hung herself with leash in a neighbor's front yard. It was rather bazaar to say the least.
Thanks. Intellectually I appreciate what you are saying, but oh dear .. It's hard to believe when there's so much crap behind me, and if I want to change, very hard work ahead.It's never too late, man. You're a new person every 8 seconds or so. That's about how long working memory is. You can create a new perspective a thousand times a day. Even the cells in your body create a new you more frequently than you suspect. The skin on your hands probably isn't very old at all. The skin on your hands doesn't know your dirty, broken life, it is new and fresh. It probably has never grabbed a pill or a beer for you. Use it to grab fresh, new things. Even your nerves aren't more than a handful of years old. Tske advantage of your new life
I read your story and I don't think you are beyond counseling. I think it's going to take a lot more than just a few counseling sessions a week- more than likely it will involve a few different treatments: inpatient treatment, AA, a psychiatrist, a close support group, and counseling on top of all of that.Am going to ask to be referred to psychiatrist next time I see my GP. It's beyond "counselling" I think. Because I've got a history of depression/anxiety, have had one "nervous breakdown" that warranted hospitalisation, and am on high doses of anti-depressants that do nothing ..
I also really wish I could go back to AA. But because of COVID the meetings have been closed.
I don't know. Go to doctor appt on time for starters I suppose....So whats your plan then Mrs G?
Thank you for asking though. It means a lot to me that someone cares to know whether I have a plan....So whats your plan then Mrs G?