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Ladies: Are you less attracted to a guy if you know he has a girlfriend?

V

Vaportrails

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 29, 2008
Messages
100
I'm just curious because although I have a girlfriend, and as a couple we are very prominent in the community, there's a girl who has caught my eye recently and I can't get her out of my mind. She seems like a really good, wholesome girl but I get the vibe like she might be kinda interested. Like when she talks to me, she kind of gives me this, "come fuck me" look and it is forever etched in my mind.

Without judging my motives, I'm wondering if I could ask the BL ladies whether they are turned off by a man who is already attached? Does the fact that he has someone in his life increase or decrease his value? Is the added challenge exciting or not worth the hassle?

For the record, I'm 32 and she is 22. The age difference doesn't really bother me.
 
I'm a dude, but I'll offer you this: whenever I'm with a female in any way, more females are interested. I'm sure most (all?) other guys can offer the same response: when females see you with other females, their interest in increased.

Why? Because a female is 'socially proofing' you. That is to say: if one female is comfortable enough or attracted enough to be seen in public with you, that means that hurdle has been removed for all other females on Earth. You're instantly validated in the eyes of females across the lands.

Use your power wisely...
 
I'm always way more into a guy when I learn he's taken, love is evil :P it really increases his value in my eyes if he's 'unattainable'. Same the other way around, if I'm into a guy and he's 'easy to get' (you know what I mean) then I'm usually not very interested any more. I don't even like challenges or anything so I really don't know what's up with all that.
 
Pagey said:
I'm always way more into a guy when I learn he's taken, love is evil :P it really increases his value in my eyes if he's 'unattainable'. Same the other way around, if I'm into a guy and he's 'easy to get' (you know what I mean) then I'm usually not very interested any more. I don't even like challenges or anything so I really don't know what's up with all that.
Click to expand...

see my above post :)
 
People who are partnered usually have more admirers. It's because the two people have each other's approval and aren't looking. They aren't giving off needy vibes at all.
 
Actually, yes, I'm less attracted to guys that are already taken. I'm very analytical though, so I think "Why bother?" I move on.
 
I can't see the logic in being attracted to a guy who is taken and really acting on it.
I think about the guy I'm most attracted to - besides my boyfriend - he is married now but, when I met him, he was single. I was attracted to him more then than I am now.
I guess I just don't think it's fair to go for a guy who has a girlfriend.
 
I've noticed this too.

Always seem to have bunches of lasses over very small periods interested when with a lass, instead of just one or 2 here and there when not.

It's cool, I like it.
Changed said:
I'm a dude, but I'll offer you this: whenever I'm with a female in any way, more females are interested. I'm sure most (all?) other guys can offer the same response: when females see you with other females, their interest in increased.

Why? Because a female is 'socially proofing' you. That is to say: if one female is comfortable enough or attracted enough to be seen in public with you, that means that hurdle has been removed for all other females on Earth. You're instantly validated in the eyes of females across the lands.

Use your power wisely...
Click to expand...

Unattainable and powerfully attractive is definitely a hook - I just found one today, who I'd been laying unconscious groundwork with over the past 6-8months with...realized we got a lot more in common than her & her fella she argues with, and "breaks up with every other weekend"...

Good for the back burner in my opinion.
 
Tude said:
Actually, yes, I'm less attracted to guys that are already taken. I'm very analytical though, so I think "Why bother?" I move on.
Click to expand...

si.

i don't get this at all. it's like choosing pissed in water over fresh. i can't imagine myself thinking "boy he must be having sexy thoughts about sexy time with me instead, how very sexy" unless his girlfriend was a fucking hobbit or something. i mean, he is with her for a reason. i assume attraction/love. which is not hot (for me).
 
^^^ i like it when you call a girl a "lass"...very sexy. J - your inbox is full.

OP....I can't say I noticed for myself either way, I crush on people all the time, but since I myself am happily married, it really makes no difference if they are connected or not.

My husband did tell me that since he has worn a wedding band, many more ladies have hit on him...
 
Haha I don't think I'm more attracted to them or less. I think it's more disappointment. And I'm going through this now and the situation is testing my self control. I wish to hell he wasn't taken. Boo. And I kinda am too so I just get disappointed and its kept to flirting even though we've both made it clear we are game. It's not attractive. It sucks.

I can't help who I am attracted to and desire. All I can do is keep it in my pants. :p flirting is pretty fun though.
 
I always get more attention from women when I'm in a relationship; if ladies know you're sought after they flock.... Does my head in - you know what they say about London Buses.
 
I prefer guys who aren't attached, but if I really want him I don't care who he's with.
 
Changed said:
I'm a dude, but I'll offer you this: whenever I'm with a female in any way, more females are interested. I'm sure most (all?) other guys can offer the same response: when females see you with other females, their interest in increased.

Why? Because a female is 'socially proofing' you. That is to say: if one female is comfortable enough or attracted enough to be seen in public with you, that means that hurdle has been removed for all other females on Earth. You're instantly validated in the eyes of females across the lands.

Use your power wisely...
Click to expand...
I find this 100% true.
My girlfriend claims it is too. It has something to do with the girl thinking " I'm hotter than her and I bet I could steal him away from her"
 
If I find out a guy I like has a significant other that tends to kill the desire. I think it is pretty wack that someone would try to "steal" someone away from their partner, especially with the misguided thinking that they are "hotter". Not cool. Any potential relationship which would occur from such a game would be false and shallow.

I notice when other women find my man attractive and I think it is pretty amusing. I am not concerned about any theft happening, however. He knows he is getting the best sex of his life, so why should he even bother with stepping down? Plenty of other doods think I am hot too, but my bf knows not to worry also.
 
If I am looking to get fucked, having a girlfriend increases my attraction. If I am looking for a potential significant other, having a girlfriend completely destroys it. As awful as it is, some of the best sex I have ever had was from men who were either taken, or completely immersed in sexual attention from many, many women. It is similar to a milder, female version of a Madonna whore complex. When looking solely for for a sexual relationship, winning the challenge of an already attached man feels very primal and taboo. I enjoy feeling as though I am doing something I should not be; I am at the height of my purely sexual arousal when there is an aspect of something taboo. Yet when I view someone as a prospective lover, when I witness such behavior, he is not attractive to me for anything other than sex and possibly a small degree of friendship. This is because I know that if this man chose to make advances with me while with another woman, chances are, he will do the same to me. The exception to this sort of mentality is when a man is with another woman, doesn't make sexual advances to me, states that he is interested yet tries very, very hard to maintain restraint for the sake of the current woman, and quickly breaks up with her respectfully and without games, because he feels more chemistry with me. Ideally, it is the men who garner a lot of female attention and act respectfully and seldomly that I want for both sex, and 'love'. To put things simply, the aspect of another female is dependant on the type of relationship I am seeking from that person, if any.
 
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I find that as you get into your late 20s and early 30s, the notion of even a half-decently attractive man or woman being completely unattached is simply not realistic. I don't want to be seen as a philanderer, but having recently started a new job with a lot of very attractive women, I was surprised to find that every single one was either engaged or married. We're talking a sample group of 11-12 gals here. I simply think that you have to be realistic, and limiting your dating pool to only single members of the opposite sex who are single and looking is like finding a needle in a haystack. It's like you're playing musical chairs and you are the only one standing.

Heck, I'm not even single.

My point is, you're probably better off expanding your selection to those who are marginally attached. There are many of those, and while it does make things more complicated, at least you're not playing Where's Waldo.
 
^ Totally agree. If you can show a woman just by being you, that you are a better match than her fella, then I think you should if you're into them too (Having said that I've just answered a question in my own head. :D ).

Who cares if they're attached? If they're attached and not happy, just make them leave the other person by being yourself, and dropping heavy hints that you're into them, but not making any plays for them (I find that a bit wrong making people cheat, it makes most people feel dirty and confused) - I wouldn't put a whole lot of effort in, as yes there are plenty more fish in the sea, PLENTY, and also people in unhappy relationships can really use you as an ego boost but not be interested in anything more long term, but some effort, so they see that you are a better and a good match for them, break up with their other half, and you can be there when they get back on their feet.

You can't steal what is not someone else's possession. People are not possessions. That's why I have a big problem with people who call a lass a homewrecker, or a boyfriend stealer - who the fuck do these people think these women are? People burglars?
 
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