lack of motivation, possible depression...

[painquestions]

my first time posting in here. Anyway I got some shit going on that no matter what I do seems to still linger around. Thoughts, feelings, etc... it kind of feels like something is just weighing me down or pulling the strings behind the scenes. Like, I know what I should be doing, and think about it all the time, but I physically just can't do it. I'm on unemployment and I should be hustling, perusing my career, networking, etc... but most days I just sit and waste 5-6 hours a day online or watch TV while I *think* about doing all of this. No matter what I do I can't seem to get motivated.

This has been going on for maybe 4 or 5 months. I've done a lot of things to try countering this. Everyone says exercise and diet helps; I stepped up my diet game and started going to the gym 6 days a week. I've lost over 30 lbs, put on some muscle and am in the best shape of my life. But that's not enough. It's definitely not hurting and I don't want to know where I'd be without that, but it's also not the answer either.

I've tried making a list of accomplishments I've had in the last year to motivate myself. and I've really truely accomplished some amazing things. Made extreme advances toward my career goals, lost over 30 lbs like I said, and most of all I quit Suboxone after 2 years of daily use, with 3 years of daily opiate use before that. Could this be a part of PAWS??

Its not like this every day, but most days. There are 2 or 3 days a week where I'll feel on top of the world, then the others where I just fuck off and don't feel like leaving my house. Each night before I go to bed I get pumped up about the possibility of tomorrow and make a mental list of the stuff I want to or am going to do. Then its a struggle to pull myself out of bed in the morning.

Long story short I think its either depression or PAWS or both. I definitely do not want to go on any meds especially SSRIs, and therapy is out of the question. Does anyone have any tips or have had similar experiences? maybe some good articles I can read online to help me figure out why im feeling this way and how to dig myself out?

thanks

 

[DblGza]

I am sorry about your situation because i feel the same way as you exactly as you have described..I have recently quit opiates after years of abuse and also eat well and work out daily.
Working out helps me for about an hour afterwards cause of my endorphins being jacked.But i have most bad days over good days.When i do have a good day it is awsome and when i wake up i am real hopefull but usually i am right back to being down and not caring about anything.I was put on Lithium and i will say that it helped but not very well so stopped taking it after a few months.
Reading your post made me feel a lil it better about my situation so hopefully you will feel a lil better too.Sorry i couldnt help ya but hit me up anytime.

 

[painquestions]

thanks for the reply man ... working out definitely helps but like you said its kind of temporary. i dunno. what im thinking is that i seriously need to start changing patterns and some of my behaviors but its so hard to physically start

 

[nervousone]

I could of wrote this post myself, definitely empathize with you

I think it is a mixture of depression and PAWS, I also eat fairly well and workout and don't want to take any kind of medication. the way I look at it is assuming that this is a chemical imbalance caused by drug use taking an SSRI or similar medication will only prolong the healing

keep fighting the good fight man it's all we can do

 

[†∆†]

I totally get what you're saying. I'm bipolar, so I can totally relate to the lack of motivation aspect because I always experience it following my "up" or manic phase.. For me, the most helpful thing is getting the ball rolling. Once I accomplish one thing, it starts to get easier and you can learn to continue this pattern.

I know you've said that you don't want medication, but I do think it's something that you should at least look into. I've had some struggles of my own with it, and it's completely up to you if you want to go that route, but certain medications have helped so many people get over that sort of "slow" feeling that you can get when you're depressed without making them numbed.

 

[tmagick]

agreed

I am brand new to this forum. Thank you all for being here..

Ive been on one form of opiate or another for 25 years. last was 9 years was on the methadone maintience program. I have a boyfriend who is so full of life and never been addicted and I am extremely depressed. I have no creativity, motivation, zest for life.. I want it, but I can't muster any "life force" in me.
That contrast alone make me feel like sh*t. The depression is killing me. It has been 4 months.
I wonder sometimes why do I want to go through this complete and utter misery. My life is great. and to be completely honest, if it wasn't for the most wonderful man, Id probable get back on methadone and just stay on it.

anyway, I found out about something called Network Chiropractic.(a way of life, from what I am told) I am going to try it. It works with our spinal cord and central nervous system which, from what I have read, is what is damaged by years of use.

Thank you for your posts on this topic and I pray we can get through this SOON.