KK, sounds like you are killing it, man. You have so much strength. You don't even realize. Look back through your posts and see how far you have come. You've got over a week off subs? That's awesome!! It's a roller coaster. It sucks and you question yourself the whole way through. Stick with it. I'm so happy to come back and see how well you've been doing!
Also, I agree with everybody about the help. Get the support you need. I've been seeing a therapist and it has really helped. For me, there is so much guilt associated with this that I can't imagine getting past it without hemorrhaging some of it out and having some guidance getting through it.
I wouldn't say "killing it," but I am getting better I suppose when I can see through the fog. I actually just re-read through some of your thread to see how you handled things, particularly with regard to kratom... The weekend was rough, real rough. I caved to kratom since the sub half life wore off, and I am regretting it as I feel it's a setback that I was determined to not have to endure.
I need to string multiple days together of not tickling my opiate receptors which kratom certainly does. I've only dosed once a day the last 3 days. But still.
I am 9 days off subs, more than a month off my DOC, so there's that...
I am so busy at work atm which is making this extra hard, and I have a lot of important work stuff on the horizon.