kloudkruiser
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2014
- Messages
- 1
Hi all,
I'm a male, 52, Long time lurker, 1st time poster. Been using Kratom leaf 2 years. Though I used it everyday, I thought since I was only using 1/4 teaspoon of plain leaf Bali every 3-4 hours I wasn't anywhere near being in trouble. Ive had pretty bad clinical OCD for almost 15 years now, and have taken SSRI's and a milligram of Lorazepam every day the whole time, was even followed by ABC 20/20 show into a world famous OCD clinic, and ended up being aired as the rare guy that couldnt be helped
The Kratom made me feel the best I had felt in 15 years, and I was motivated everyday to engage in hobbies, housework, church, etc.
On the 1st of this month the Kratom suddenly stopped working, and I was going into withdrawls, mostly anxiety, panic, and depression, with sweating, and high blood pressure and pulse. I found a local Dr. who specializes in addictionology. After being off the Kratom for 36 hours I went in to their office in pretty bad shape. I told them I was on Kratom, and they said they were familiar with it. I said I wanted to detox without Buprenorphine which they use there. So they gave me a little lunch tote full of drugs including Gabapentin, Phenobarbital, Seroquil, Methocarbomate, Temazepam, and Linzess. I went home and started the Gabapentin as prescribed, then the Phenobarbital. By 10:00pm that night I was in EXTREME anxiety, depression, and RLS of the whole body. I felt like dying literally. Took a dose of the seroquil and it only made things worse, a second dose an hour later and it finally knocked me out.
So I woke up the next morning feeling like an anxious nervous zombie. I took half a klonopin I had been given by my psychiatrist as a possible replacement for my ativan, and was able to get out of bed and call the Dr office and schedule a same day appointment. When I got there I was shaking, in tears, depressed and anxious as all get out, and my vitals were high. They immediately came in with a 2mg waxy like cube of pure buprenorphine and told me to put it under my tonque. An hour later I walked out of there feeling sedated, and much better than I had in the past 48 hours. They gave me a script for 8mg generic bupe with instructions to cut them in half and take a half 3 times a day. When I got home late in the afternoon that day that 2mg bupe they gave me pretty much knocked me out for the rest of the night.
Next day I get up, cut the pill in half, take it, and 2 hours latter it knocks me out cold for 4 hours. I woke up feeling horrible, like a 250 pound man was sitting on my chest, bad headache, just a new different kind of horrible than the previous couple days. I took no more bupe that day. The next day I cut a pill roughly into eight pieces and took the smallest piece. It still hit me strong, and just made me feel nervous but sedated, zombie like. I repeated in the afternoon and same thing. Next day it was back to the Dr. office for followup appointment. I told the doc I thought he prescribed way way to much, and that it was too hard to accurately divide that 8mg pill up into eight pieces. So he gave me 15 of the 2mg waxy pure Buprenorphine cubes which are easy to cut.
So the next day I cut those cubes into 4 pieces rendering four 0.5mg pieces per cube, and proceeded to take one 0.5mg piece. It worked better, but still made me very drowsy. So I cut those 0.5mg pieces in half and started only taking 250mcg at a time, worked a little better, but still feeling like crap. After 5 days of this, and reading up lots on buprenorphine and how it works, the ceiling level effect and all that, how hard it is to get off, etc., I said forget this and stopped it for 3 days. But on the 4th day I couldn't handle it anymore and sliced off a thin piece of a 0.5mg chunk and it stopped the RLS, severe anxiety, etc. (for a while)
So Ive been on this bupe now for 2 weeks feeling like crap. I had read its suppose to stop cravings, but not only is it not stopping my cravings, it just make me feel like crap, depressed and anxious all day long. Ive only been taking roughly 125mcg this past week. I keep reading all these horror stories of people being on buprenorphine for a long time, and it being hell to get off of. So being in only 2 weeks, and only on microgram amounts between .125 to .200 per day, Im thinking maybe Im better off going back to kratom, and trying some kind of taper off that. Of course I know this is my addiction talking, but it seems to me from all the reading I'm doing that in the long run WD would be easier from kratom vs. buprenorphine even though Ive read horror stories of people detoxing off kratom.
So I'm trying to weigh the lesser of two evils. Im on disability for OCD, and my Dr. doesn't accept my medicare which is as much insurance as I have, thats a problem as the Dr. and medicine are extremely expensive as you know. So I'm wondering if I went back to the kratom for now would it even do anything after being on low dose bupe for 14 days. I have forced myself to eat and walk most days, but Im just feeling like Im in a downward spiral on this bupe. Perhaps Im not taking enough, but when I try taking an extra slice it just makes me feel more anxious, and even taking a milligram of Lorazepam doesnt help much. I was bad at the end of my kratom use a couple weeks ago, but at least I would have some periods where it sorta worked and I could get out of bed an play the piano for an hour, or work on my RC cars for a bit. With this bupe its just been 2 weeks of apathy and dysphoria, only getting out of bed to get food or forcing a walk around the block.
Im not sure what to do, and I dont have any confidence in my doctor. I need some help. Im getting desperate, and thoughts of suicide have surfaced, though at this point I'm pretty sure I wouldn't act on it. On the kratom I was feeling bad in the end more than good, but there was no thought of suicide. Can someone please help.
Thanks for reading this far,
Kloud
I'm a male, 52, Long time lurker, 1st time poster. Been using Kratom leaf 2 years. Though I used it everyday, I thought since I was only using 1/4 teaspoon of plain leaf Bali every 3-4 hours I wasn't anywhere near being in trouble. Ive had pretty bad clinical OCD for almost 15 years now, and have taken SSRI's and a milligram of Lorazepam every day the whole time, was even followed by ABC 20/20 show into a world famous OCD clinic, and ended up being aired as the rare guy that couldnt be helped
The Kratom made me feel the best I had felt in 15 years, and I was motivated everyday to engage in hobbies, housework, church, etc. On the 1st of this month the Kratom suddenly stopped working, and I was going into withdrawls, mostly anxiety, panic, and depression, with sweating, and high blood pressure and pulse. I found a local Dr. who specializes in addictionology. After being off the Kratom for 36 hours I went in to their office in pretty bad shape. I told them I was on Kratom, and they said they were familiar with it. I said I wanted to detox without Buprenorphine which they use there. So they gave me a little lunch tote full of drugs including Gabapentin, Phenobarbital, Seroquil, Methocarbomate, Temazepam, and Linzess. I went home and started the Gabapentin as prescribed, then the Phenobarbital. By 10:00pm that night I was in EXTREME anxiety, depression, and RLS of the whole body. I felt like dying literally. Took a dose of the seroquil and it only made things worse, a second dose an hour later and it finally knocked me out.
So I woke up the next morning feeling like an anxious nervous zombie. I took half a klonopin I had been given by my psychiatrist as a possible replacement for my ativan, and was able to get out of bed and call the Dr office and schedule a same day appointment. When I got there I was shaking, in tears, depressed and anxious as all get out, and my vitals were high. They immediately came in with a 2mg waxy like cube of pure buprenorphine and told me to put it under my tonque. An hour later I walked out of there feeling sedated, and much better than I had in the past 48 hours. They gave me a script for 8mg generic bupe with instructions to cut them in half and take a half 3 times a day. When I got home late in the afternoon that day that 2mg bupe they gave me pretty much knocked me out for the rest of the night.
Next day I get up, cut the pill in half, take it, and 2 hours latter it knocks me out cold for 4 hours. I woke up feeling horrible, like a 250 pound man was sitting on my chest, bad headache, just a new different kind of horrible than the previous couple days. I took no more bupe that day. The next day I cut a pill roughly into eight pieces and took the smallest piece. It still hit me strong, and just made me feel nervous but sedated, zombie like. I repeated in the afternoon and same thing. Next day it was back to the Dr. office for followup appointment. I told the doc I thought he prescribed way way to much, and that it was too hard to accurately divide that 8mg pill up into eight pieces. So he gave me 15 of the 2mg waxy pure Buprenorphine cubes which are easy to cut.
So the next day I cut those cubes into 4 pieces rendering four 0.5mg pieces per cube, and proceeded to take one 0.5mg piece. It worked better, but still made me very drowsy. So I cut those 0.5mg pieces in half and started only taking 250mcg at a time, worked a little better, but still feeling like crap. After 5 days of this, and reading up lots on buprenorphine and how it works, the ceiling level effect and all that, how hard it is to get off, etc., I said forget this and stopped it for 3 days. But on the 4th day I couldn't handle it anymore and sliced off a thin piece of a 0.5mg chunk and it stopped the RLS, severe anxiety, etc. (for a while)
So Ive been on this bupe now for 2 weeks feeling like crap. I had read its suppose to stop cravings, but not only is it not stopping my cravings, it just make me feel like crap, depressed and anxious all day long. Ive only been taking roughly 125mcg this past week. I keep reading all these horror stories of people being on buprenorphine for a long time, and it being hell to get off of. So being in only 2 weeks, and only on microgram amounts between .125 to .200 per day, Im thinking maybe Im better off going back to kratom, and trying some kind of taper off that. Of course I know this is my addiction talking, but it seems to me from all the reading I'm doing that in the long run WD would be easier from kratom vs. buprenorphine even though Ive read horror stories of people detoxing off kratom.
So I'm trying to weigh the lesser of two evils. Im on disability for OCD, and my Dr. doesn't accept my medicare which is as much insurance as I have, thats a problem as the Dr. and medicine are extremely expensive as you know. So I'm wondering if I went back to the kratom for now would it even do anything after being on low dose bupe for 14 days. I have forced myself to eat and walk most days, but Im just feeling like Im in a downward spiral on this bupe. Perhaps Im not taking enough, but when I try taking an extra slice it just makes me feel more anxious, and even taking a milligram of Lorazepam doesnt help much. I was bad at the end of my kratom use a couple weeks ago, but at least I would have some periods where it sorta worked and I could get out of bed an play the piano for an hour, or work on my RC cars for a bit. With this bupe its just been 2 weeks of apathy and dysphoria, only getting out of bed to get food or forcing a walk around the block.
Im not sure what to do, and I dont have any confidence in my doctor. I need some help. Im getting desperate, and thoughts of suicide have surfaced, though at this point I'm pretty sure I wouldn't act on it. On the kratom I was feeling bad in the end more than good, but there was no thought of suicide. Can someone please help.
Thanks for reading this far,
Kloud
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