Kratom - A Cautionary Tale

I did start a thread on this, was hoping to get moral support for my attempt to quit kratom. Apparently the forum proper is not the place for that, so will give it a go here as advised by mod. I am hoping for comments and moral support during my withdrawal, so hope I can pull in some feedback once I get going with the withdrawal process. I will make forum posts as and when I need advice or practical tips or to share something that worked - this blog will be my place to ramble, and vent, and scream But I hope to make it interesting too, kind of a story, I've always made sense of my life through stories... Anyway... At the moment I am planning ahead - this is my intro...

Chapter 1:

5-6 years ago I used to drink, and smoke. I gave up the smoking, and when I discovered kratom, the drink gradually phased out as I prefered the relaxed clarity that kratom gave me, not to mention the ability to get lots done in the stimulation phase.

Eventually I got fed up with the kratom, and quit that, too, and had a life free of drugs for a while. It was fantastic. Then some personal tragedies and difficult events happened, a supply of Oxycontin became available to me, and I thought what the hell, I need something to get through this, right? Wind forward a year and I was stuck with a 350mg a day Oxy habit, and had gone back on the kratom as well to help in between the occasional shortage of the hard stuff.

I Ct'd from Oxy and Kratom, did therapy, sorted myself out and totally turned my life around, I was running a lot, that was my new DOC I guess, but a healthy one. Then I got a trapped nerve in my back, it was agony... Having severed my oxy contacts long ago, I resorted to combining kratom and OTC codeine - at first for the pain, but then I enjoyed the buzz too. Then I bust my knee running, and suddenly there it was, a gap for the addiction to rush back in.

So for the last year I've seesawed between kratom and OTC codeine (prescription codeine when I can get it). I've tapered off the kratom several times, using the codeine, and maintained on codeine, and vice versa - but a lot of the time just combined them. Lately I've been off codeine for a month, just using kratom... I've CT'd a few times of kratom and then relapsed, because I couldn't get throught he freakin depression part of withdrawal with the responsibilities I currently have...

But when I say using kratom, believe me, I am talking a massive kratom habit. I quit the crap this Christmas just gone, as I was doing 50-100g a day plain leaf, and it was costing me a fortune - had about 2 weeks clean, then relapsed with some headshop extract while I awaited a new batch. My online vendor had some specials by the Kilo of kratom, I had cash, I thought, why not take advantage - I could just use responsibly, couldn't I?! Wrong. The first kilo was gone in ten days - so basically I was using 100g of plain leaf Indo a day - I chugged it to wake up, I chugged it to keep me going in the day, I chugged it to relax me at night. Every single day - because always I was reminded of the shitty RLS that comes on when I haven't dosed for 8 hours. And that's where I've been since January, using a hell of a lot of kratom... and having to use it because if I try to get past 2 in the afternoon my body starts trying to jump out of its own skin

I've tried to CT again but my motivation has been low, because with my present responsibilities, I know that even if I can get through the first 2-3 days I am going to have to be good to go by day 4, and the anxiety gets me every time. With Easter coming up I have managed to find a window of 10 days where I can more or less hole up and avoid social engagements and work pressures, and concentrate on getting off this shit.

Some will say it's only kratom, but it is a LOT of kratom - and having CT'd from an OXY habit I would say my kratom withdrawals have been comparable (though that could be a body memory from previous opiate withdrawals). I find tapering from kratom has worked, but my discipline is shot to pieces lately... too much stuff I've needed to do... The RLS/akathisia of kratom withdrawal is just the worst for me, followed by the depression which follows the acute phase. I think there is a huge psychological component in all this - because previously I had worked so hard to feel good, and so I just don't want to feel bad, even though I know some amount of suffering is the only way I can get off this now...

So, I have sourced some phenibut for the anxiety, and some kanna for the depression, and hope these will come in useful for my foray into yet another withdrawal. At least I have quit the combined codeine habit, maybe that will make things easier.

I got my last package of kratom through the mail today (another thing I am fed up with is that sense of dread if a package doesn't come, or if my vendor suddenly runs out of stock, etc...). I have about half a kilo of kratom, which I am going to do a short taper with into next week, and try to reduce the spikes in my system as much as possible. I have then set next Thursday as the last day of Kratom use. And then the adventure will truly begin.

I hope to use this thread to report on how it's going, and to keep me motivated. I do have a lot of inner motivation, but it surely may help if I get some support on here, as it would be embarrassing to come back and admit failure - typing accounts of the withdrawal process may also help me distract myself, and remind me of how shitty it is, if I start getting thoughts of occasional use again.

I cannot use opiates/kratom responsibly.

Apologies for a long opening post, and good wishes to anyone planning to quit any DOC, whatever it may be.

So, anybody out there reading?

 

OK, you say "100 gm a day of plain leaf." You mean you buy some product that is powderised or perhaps an extract? I say this because unless you get the actual leaf intact, and actually know what it looks like you really have no idea what you are consuming. Then, if it is actual Kratom the leaf has different concentrations of alkaloids depending upon its season and it varies even within a single leaf from section to section.

If you somehow have real leaf, (and if you are in the US it isn't possible) the substance you are addicted to is 7-Hydroxy-Mitragynine. The leaf itself is not an opiate/opioid, it is an analgesic indole. The only constituent that is physically addictive is the substance I mentioned (7-Hydroxy). That alkaloid IS an opioid but it barely constitutes 1/10th of 1% of the leaf in maximum concentrations. While it is many times stronger than morphine it still won't be a hell of a lot in pristine state, meaning unadulterated whole leaf. IF you are buying powderised products or extracts you really have no idea what you are consuming, let alone the purities involved, and that is incredibly dangerous. Worse still, you can't acsertain what, if anything, is keeping you compulsively consuming what you are buying.

If you are having a difficult time with opiate/opioid usage (such as oxycodone,aka "Oxycontin") you might consider Medically Assisted Treatment, the Politically Correct label these days for Opioid Substitution Therapy. Using Buprenorphine or Methadone (if in the US) you can either detox relatively pain free or else, if you find you cannot or do not want to stop using you can consider Maintenance. It is a great way in which to develop and/or retain stability and function like any other adult.

As for your complaint about being told to Blog this issue, I don't know which forum you posted your thread in but "Darkside" would probably be the correct forum for this subject matter. Generally speaking, if you explicitly ask for comments in your Blog entry you will come away with at least a couple. People actually do read these.

Withdrawal is never easy and opiate/opioid withdrawal is a terrible experience but it doesn't kill. I know that when a person is experiencing it it feels worse than deathm As I said though, you don't have to suffer through it.

 

Thanks for your comment - is good to know people do at least read the blogs (a view counter like in the forums would be psychologically helpful, but can't see one?).

I am off all opiates at present (last codeine a month ago - haven't touched Oxy in 2 years)

I am in the uk - I don't think they are going to give me bupe etc to get off some powder I get off the internet. Nor would I want to go down that route.

Interestingly, I did use extracts at one point, and got a refund because I got some very weird side effects. My first thought was that if they were making that stuff in a lab, what else might be in that lab (eg RC's) that might get into the stuff...

Exactly right, whether buying illegal powders off the street, or legal powders off the internet, there are really no guarantees that they are completely what they say they are. Hence, I need to make this last leap to get off this shit...

Thanks for posting a comment again. Ironically this may have made a good discussion in the forum!

 

There isn't the option for a view counter, unfortunately, but I can assure you that people do read Blogs. It's a tiny little corner of this site, but it has a small but awesome core of people who read it regularly. I for one quite enjoyed your post, but as I've not had much experience with opiates in general or kratom specifically I didn't think that there would be much value in my replying.

Welcome to BL by the way! It's always great to see new blood around

 

Thanks Dave!

 

The thing about extracts is that IF by some chance you are actually getting an extract of Kratom, there is no way to quantify it. All that "10X" and "14X" is absolute fantasy. As I explained, there is no way to get a consistent content even on a single tree. More over, IF using Kratom to make extract they are simply boiling leaves, that's it. All the numbers, all the varieties, "Bali," "Thai," etc. are marketing gimmicks. There are 2 wholesale distributors on the planet and I am one. All there is is me, on Mindanao, and 2 English guys on Bali who buy leaf in Java.

The tinctures are another shady thing. For example, there are people selling very expencive tinctures that they claim to be "pure 7-Hydroxy." If there was a way in which to manufacture it cost effectively I would have a warehouse full of it. A fuc*ing alkaloid that circumvents Analoug Statutes? It would be like buying Google shares during its IPO. I have been fiddling with that synthesis for almost 4 years now and have even spent time at Chiba in Japan with the man who first isolated it. It just isn't possible. Anyway, I suppose one should expect charlatans with any grey area industry.

On "view counters," they were available when Journals were available but with Blogs, as the man said, no go with Blogs. I am glad they aren't available. That way people still express themselves without obsessing about readership.

 

Interesting thoughts. Thanks for the feedback. Guess I do obsess a little about readership, but then as a writer that's always been the case for me!

 

I think there is a huge psychological component in all this - because previously I had worked so hard to feel good, and so I just don't want to feel bad, even though I know some amount of suffering is the only way I can get off this now...

This is the heart and soul of my experience thus far - the psychological piece. For some reason, I knew it was time. I did not want this anymore - and for that, there have been minimal cravings in 4 days. It has been easier to accept what is happening and why, instead of focusing on how to make it stop. I have no worries - I have somehow been given the strength to see through the need to take this substance.

I hope you find that source of energy, determination and willpower.

 

I am 13 days off Kratom using about an ounce a day of Thai powder in capsule form for over a year! I used Subutex on a 9 day taper and now on Klopin 6 day taper but the last two days i've have been hurting bad. Do you think this is from the Kratom or withdrawl of Subutex. I can't stand this pain and I have to go back to work as a Firefighter were we work out asses off. Right now I can barely make it out of bed. Any thoughts would be appreciated big time!

 

Welcome to Bluelight, rex!

If you check out the below forums, you'll find some answers to your questions. Additionally, THIS will help as well

• Other Drugs
• The Dark Side
• Basic Drug Discussion

Good luck and, again... Welcome!