Know what i'm doing self destructing but keep allowing it to happen.

[LiquidEx]

Hello all, I'm Alex and i'm a drug addict. I have decided to quit heroin and cannabis, I have used cannabis all my adult life (14-21) and have used heroin on and off since 17-21. I am 21, and my heroin abuse started gettin real bad around july once i found a fixed source. I now no longer derive much pleasure from normal life, always chasing that heroin/weed high. When I first smoked weed I instantly fell in love with all drugs and wanted to experiment and try them all. I have now learned the truth that all they cause is misery and depression (if abused like i do, i need drugs daily)
My drug abuse became daily when i moved out of my mothers at 19, and had my own place where i could smoke hassle free, and now with this new found love of heroin, i have became a very inward and socially rejecting person, prefering to be alone.
I have never had a relationship with a women, I have had sex but do not have or have not had a girlfriend. I understand life could be worse, ive got my mum and friends a roof over my head and a full time job. Why do i continue to want to take drugs and ruin my life, how do you all stay sober? Please share all, i'm in a dark place right now, i can never stay clean more then a 4 days.

 

[T. Calderone]

Hi Alex, it took me a really long time to decide I was done with drugs. I mean I smoked weed on and off for decades before getting into hard drugs and drinking every day. It was enough to wreck my health and almost completely ruin my life. It sounds corny, but you hear that phrase "rock bottom" all the time. But really that's the way it happens for a lot of us.

My best suggestion, if you're struggling stay away from other users. It's pretty hard to quit with people around you getting high. I deleted every single person's phone numbers that I got high with and dealers too. So even if I decided to break down and use, I couldn't. Have you ever been to NA? I went a couple times but I felt I could do it on my own. It took me a few rehabs and many cold turkeys to finally get there and I did. I gets easier once you have made up your mind, "that's it, I'm not going to use anymore." Don't give up, you can do this!

 

[LiquidEx]

Thank you for your kind words, I am lucky to have no money but a roof over my head and food, thanks to my mother. I therefore have no means of obtaining drugs atleast for another fortnight. I plan on keeping myself busy when payday arrives, but can a person like me safely use heroin once a week? i think so but it don't know if it will defeat the purpose of going clean. To feel normal again, to go out to the cinema and think this is a good movie instead of this would be a better movie if i was high. Can i reprogram my brain and use drugs occasionaly instead of daily? What do you all think.

 

[herbavore]

You can certainly reprogram your brain but it will take looking at the need underneath the drug use as well as changing the habits surrounding your use.

The answer to the question about using heroin once a week is no. It doesn't matter who you are, it will never stay once a week. Cut drugs out of your life for now. Work on changing the things in yourself and in your life that make you feel unfulfilled or restless. Make life changes not just habit changes. You are young and you can take your life anywhere.

 

[Chronic Asshole]

Can i reprogram my brain and use drugs occasionaly instead of daily? What do you all think.

Maybe, but this is not a question you should be asking right now. Get clean first. Stay clean for a bit and reap the benefits. After you have established for yourself a "normal" life (hate to use that word) then you can start considering if you can handle using once a week and if you still want to. Try to work towards a point where you don't care if you even get to use once a week. Only with this mind set will you be able to pull it off. Is this mindset possible? That's up to you.

Attempting this in your current mind set will inevitably lead to failure. You can wean yourself off the h and use only once a week, but the other 6 days are going to suck. The day you use heroin will be the only day you look forward to and having a fixed schedule like this will inevitably lead back to an every day habit.

Heroin is a hell of a drug and there will come a point when you have to realize you can have a love affair with some shitty chemical that keeps letting you down or you can shoot for the things you really want in life. We all want to feel good, but drugs are not a reliable means to do so. Invest your time in something more worthwhile that will consistently bring you happiness like relationships, hobbies, your career, material things. The warmth and euphoria of an opiate buzz feel absolutely amazing, I know, but there are much better feelings: love, pride, self worth, awe at the beauty of life and nature.

 

[LiquidEx]

Thank you for replies, i have decided for a period of abstinence of all chemicals for 6 months, how i will fare will be a test of faith and character. I realise now i need to understand why i did drugs, and why they ruined my life, i understand why they ruin life, but only understand a litle bit why i abused drugs in the first place. I was considering experimenting with lsd. However i dont know if this is a good idea with my current state of mind. Thank you for your replies again, it is good to know there is support out there.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I am glad to hear about your plans to get it together. You can do it man.

 

[LiquidEx]

Thanks captain heroin i pray for your success too, from reading your success story it made me realise i have never had the danger of a gun pointed at my face or people raiding my house. You seem to be a far more stroger person then me, who would have deffinetely turned into a quivering, piss stained mess very quickly if that happened to me. I'm still finding it hard to stay clean. The thought of a prick and a push on the plunger and instant gratification is a hard task, i am lucky to have no money at this point, or i would have deffinetely succumbed. I dread my payday in the coming week, i have done a shitload of overtime and it will be a big one. So i plan to hand my finances over to my mother who is well trustworthy in this position, but i cant rely on her for everything, i cant say i need milk everyday and expect to get it, i will still have small amounts of money that will still be able to purchase heroin. I am preparing myself for a mental barrage.

 

[LiquidEx]

Jst thought i should share an update with you all, your kindness and your wisdom got me thru hell and back. I am on day 6 of heroin withdrawal(4week habit over holidays) and and cannabis withdrawal(about 6 years of daily smoking)
I have suffered not hugely but mentally still scarred. Obviously the cravings are still there but i just throw em in the thoughts trashcan. So motivated to stay clean after getting some much needed support from someone i thought i had hidden my habit from. I have lost all my friends cos they are all drug addicts but im not bothered, i wanna live my life at 13 again when i never touched drugs. I was so happy nearly all the time back then that it helps me stay focused. I have finally cleared out my phone of all heroin contacts, 'friends' or not. And it was great but was hard to let go im not gonna lie. But now i know what must be done. Sobereirty is the key. I plan on 2 months mininim sobereirty and i have a question to ask, i was never much of a drinker, and i never made a habit of it, ive drank for 3 days at a music festival and day 2 and 3 was hell on earth for hair of the dog (drinking whilst hungover)
So i ask will i be able to have a few drinks when im out at the club or will this fck up what ive achieved. I want to go back to what i was like drug free, when computer games and buying new shoes gave me a high. Will alcohol mess with this rewiring of my brain? Aslong as i dont make it a habit and aslong as im aware of what im doing 'im doing a drug, this is only a temporary feeling'
Thank you all for input it has served me well sorry for double post again.