Kiss My Ass You Whore.

[iLoveYouWithaKnife]

There is no stanzas of every other words that rhyme
there's nothing here that's going to make sense.
I'm venting
to everyone who knows you
or knows me
or knows of us from the last couple of months
from reading my misery
of how terrible you are.

And right this instant
I want to kill every fucking thing around me.
I'm not kidding.

I got in touch with you today,
even though I was suppose to leave yesterday.
I got in touch with you today
because I wanted to see you.
I wanted to see how we might
just work this out.

But I figured it out tonight.
That all you want to do
is work yourself into this slut's pants.
If you didn't already.
And really, I think you did
a while ago.
Because you are a slut too.

And yeah, turn around and call me one also,
but I never lied to you.
I never turned my back on you.
I never kissed anyone
or fucked anyone
or did whatever the fuck you did
to her
while I was still in love with you.

And today,
you told me that you were still in love with me.
And you are a fucking liar.
Today,
you told me that you want me to stay.
You are a fucking liar.
I can't think of a single day
that I spent with you
that I don't want to forget.
I seriously hate your fucking guts.

I was suppose to leave a while ago
and every two days or so
I would see you.
And you'd tell me not to go.
So
me being a fucking asshole, I DIDN't!
But you know what...
I am the asshole.
For believing in you.
Time and time again.

I sat here so many nights
trying to think of things
to make this right.
trying to think
of what i did wrong
to you.

And so many nights
you probably sat there
while that dumb whore
sucked your dick
and you didn't give two shits about me.

Well............. to all my readers..............
for the last 10 or so fucking months
you sat here and read about my heartache.
You sat here and read how I tried to make things better
how i know I did wrong.
But you know what.......
I didn't.

For once,
I let my guard down and let someone
step all the fuck over me.
I told you how my heart has been crushed
over and over again.
But I can't even beging to explain
the instance that happened tonight
that is making me feel this way.
I can't even describe how
FUCKING DEAD I FEEL
and i hope you never feel the same.

All this time that I babbled about
stupid shit
is in NO comparison tonight.
It felt like so much then,
maybe leading up to now.
But now.........
there's nothing left.

I feel like the fucking asshole.
I feel like nothing.
I gave you whatever I could
whatever you wanted.

BUT YOU,
YOU ARE JAY AREL.
YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT.
AT ANY FUCKING COST.
YOU DISREGUARD FEELINGS
I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU COULD.
I GUESS YOU WERE RIGHT
WHEN YOU SAID YOU HAD NO HEART.
BECAUSE I DON'T REALLY SEE
ANY POSSIBLE WAY YOU COULD.
YOU ARE A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.
AND YOU TREAT EVERYONE LIKE IT.
BUT SOMEHOW EVERYONE FORGIVES YOU
FOR IT.
FUCK YOU.
I NEVER WILL.
I LOOK AT TODAY
THE WAY I TRIED AGAIN.....
AND AGAIN
AND WHAT DID YOU DO
YOU STEPPED ON MY FUCKING HEART AGAIN

BUT DON'T WORRY
I'LL LET THAT FUCKING WHORE TAKE MY PLACE
YOU LOW LIFE PIECE OF TRASH.
AND FUCK YOU.
I REFUSE TO BY YOUR DECKS.
EVEN WHEN WE WEREN'T TALKING
I TOLD YOU I WOULD STILL GET THEM FOR YOU
BECAUSE I KNOW IT WAS THE ONLY THING
YOU EVER WANTED.
AND I WANTED YOU TO HAVE THEM
I WANTED YOU TO HAVE EVERYTHING.

BUT I REALIZED YOU GAVE ME
FUCKING NOTHING.
SO FUCK YOU.
FIND SOME OTHER FUCKING BITCH
TO BUY YOUR TECHNIC 1200'S.
AND IF ONE DAY I FEEL REAL REAL FUCKING VENGEFUL.
I'LL GO BUY THEM.
AND DRIVE TO YOUR WORK
AND BURN THEM IN FRONT OF YOU.
YOU CAN SERIOUSLY KISS MY FUCKING ASS.
I HATE YOU.

 

[SnowFrog]

I know ur feelings girl, and u need to be strong....stink to ur gut coz ur heart, well, if it is still his..u will lose....
the biggest battle u will ever fight in life is between ur mind and ur heart.....
I hope u win!!!!

I love ur writing!!!!

Hugs
B

 

[E-girl]

i relate

jen... i want you to read THIS .

i wrote this a long time ago. its about the same circle of people. you will be able to relate to most of it. hell you probably LIVED most of it to a tee... but this is the line i want to comment on:

i dont know how to start a day without you.

it took me over 2 years to figure it out.
you wake up... you breathe... you fight back tears that are still pooled in the corners of your eyes from the night before. you look at the sun, you look in the mirror, you hold your head up, and you walk through the world like nothing can hurt you or hold you down. you stop answering his calls. you stop giving in to the late-night meetups, or the once-in-a-while dinners. you stop wondering where he is and who he's with and who's red beetle is driving past his house.

because... if it was meant to be, it would be.
and clearly... its not meant to be.

ryan has been like a brother to me, but even i will stand here and say that NO GUY is worth the pain, the tears, the hurt, and frustration that you write about here. and when it comes down to it,

PEOPLE DONT CHANGE.

maybe for awhile... but old habits die hard. you deserve someone who is honest, who you can trust, and who does nothing but make you smile.

but for now, be honest with yourself. trust only your friends. and fake the smile if you have to... but dont let yourself break in front of him anymore. he cant hurt you... if you dont let him.

 

[likwidiz29]

iloveyouwithaknife- damn im so sorry....i know someone who sounds very similar to this description too. i completely sympathize. *huggz*

 

[iLoveYouWithaKnife]

amy: you know it's funny......
because as i read what you had directed me to, i almost started to cry.
i can totally understand how you felt.
and even on that end, i heard the story about ryan. and jenn.
when we first got together, i remember sitting in Cousin's and him telling me about all the things she put him through and etc.
I know and understand that people hurt people sometimes, even on accident, and people get hurt.

As for me, I've known I've done a few wrongs things, but once the tables are turned and it was done to me, and I was the one feeling like shit, I usually ended up feeling more like garbage b/c i would think about all the terrible things i have done to old boyfriends. I'd usually then find myself calling them or writing them emails telling them I was sorry and I hope they still aren't angry/upset/pissed off.

I just don't know. And the next day he called me. And apologized. And this and that. He told me he'd never even say hello to her again. And I forgave him. I started to run my 4 miles a day again, and the more I run the stronger I feel. The more I feel I could run and run and never look back. And even if he never talks to this girl again, there'll be another perhaps. But something inside of me just doesn't want to give up, even though i maybe should have a long long time ago, there's just something inside of me that keeps wanted to go around again for another round.... just incase maybe this time everything will finally be perfect. And everytime I finally get my head on straight and things are okay, I say to myself, I am stronger this time and if something fucked up happens again I CAN walk away, no tears. But everytime I find myself falling to the floor more weak than before and it's harder and harder to get back up.

I will win this battle. One way or another.

 

[SnowFrog]

But something inside of me just doesn't want to give up, even though i maybe should have a long long time ago, there's just something inside of me that keeps wanted to go around again for another round.... just incase maybe this time everything will finally be perfect.

I think everyone, well girl, has thoughts like this...I know I am guilty 100 times over....But I always seemed to know the truth...it was believe it that was hard....

And everytime I finally get my head on straight and things are okay, I say to myself, I am stronger this time and if something fucked up happens again I CAN walk away, no tears. But everytime I find myself falling to the floor more weak than before and it's harder and harder to get back up.

I will win this battle. One way or another.

U will!!!!

 

[JV]

"I sat here so many nights
trying to think of things
to make this right.
trying to think
of what i did wrong
to you."

I can definately relate to this.