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Kill Me. Designed to be...

P

Pyro

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 24, 1999
Messages
1,135
Location
Bayarea California
Kill me, because I don't want to do it myself.
I'm a coward like that.
Don't try to know me, it doesn't seem to be possible.
Knowing me hasn't worked for anyone this far.
I'm empty, because there's nothing there.
Too bad I'm aware of this, or else I could live in bliss like the blind.
I wanna be blind.
I wish to be ignorant to the ways of life.
You always were there weren't you? Waiting for me to fall, so you could pick me back up. You wanted to be the one, but you didn't want me to keep falling... everyone stops caring at a certian point.
Falling. Just saying the word brings up so many feelings and other symbolic bullshit.
Falling over you. Falling, because I jumped. Falling further away from myself, and being aware of this every inch of the plummet.
Where did it go wrong? What if it was never right? children are so beautiful... the openness, the happiness and truthfulness. I don't want to be a child, but I want to be alive.
maybe I can find life if i do this or if i do that. if i go to this every week or stay home and think positivly. maybe life will find me and maybe then i'll be able to be alive. i'm so tired of thinking about myself, which is why i pitty anyone who takes any interest in me.
i want to know you, whoever you are. but i don't want you to care or know about me because i care and know about myself and i wish i had never been introduced. if i could get tired of it all then anyone could.
i almost remember being a child. i almost remember playing in the sandbox and running through the trees and smelling the smells of life. seeing color. but now what i remember is a fantasy world. it's no longer touchable and i can no longer relive it. i don't want to 'find my inner child', but i wouldn't mind being alive while i have breath in me still.
i don't belive in peace anymore, man would never let it happen... man would kill god to perserve the wars and the fighting. i don't believe in anything anymore. i don't believe in myself, especially.
should i believe in you?
i'd really love to, but i'd rather have you spend your time on someone worth your beauty.
my dear, there is such a broad horizon for you to enjoy. there is so much for you to see and do, so much happiness for you to find. i killed all the happiness that ever found me.
you make me happy
which is why you should go and be alive, and forget about me.
designed to be the loner.
Tim - Pyro
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I don't want to have a signature anymore.
 
i always wish that i could be one of the people that didn't want so much, that wasn't always desiring more just because i know that it is out there..i find it very difficult to believe that i will ever find contentment, that the most i can hope for is to occasionally forget the constant need to go further and do everything
even though it really hurts me to read it sometimes, i love your poetry...
 
I loved your poem I can relate. I want to be like a child again so sweet and innocent and full of life. Im only 18 years old but I feel so jaded already.
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Ignorance is bliss.
 
painting frames, seeing pictures...
Ignorance is bliss, that has been proven. You can be ignorant too, you just have to *want* to be. Kill yourself away with chemical and fantasy, become whatever you want yourself to be and ignore the taunts of 'fate'. Enter into thoughtless games so that you feel better. Eat yourself, your neighbor, and your lovers. Bow before no one, and believe that your existance is fruitless and without meaning.
You are nothing but flesh and bone and chemical.
The soul died when man killed Jesus. If you were the father, wouldn't you smite those who killed your son in arrogance?
the power of the question.
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entering into yet another fascet of my personality. Not true to form if you meet me, but I could spout it verbally if you ever insighted it in person. Believe in the unbelievable, and then there's nothing else to see...
Pyro
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I don't want to have a signature anymore.
 
Are you breaking yet?
Here is a falling poem for you-
Falling, falling,
always falling,
we drift forever downward
toward the One.
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TAT TWAM ASI
that thou art
 
"There are two ways not to suffer from the inferno we are all living in every day. The first suits most people: accept the inferno and become part of it to the point where you don't even see it any more. The second is
riskier and requires constant attention and willingness to learn: seek out and know how to recognize whoever and whatever, in the midst of the inferno, is not inferno, and help them last, give them space."-Italo
Calvino
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"Your understanding of life extends as far as the questions your prepared to ask."
 
it took awhile but you did answer my quiry from like weeks back
you know
designed is the answer
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I haven't any new words to share with you
I did enjoy this piece
smile.gif
 
Very black and sad. Relating wasnt hard though. I feel like that every now and again. Though when i do it scares me. Well writen.
 
I thought this might relate, something I'm working on expressing to a friend with a similar heart. Hope to see you again soon in LA (wait until Amina sees me posting in words...)
hux.
Grant
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though you feel undeserving, I will give it
though your heart can see no reason, I will give it
pain, guilt, frustration and tears, it is still there
anger, confusion, rage and hate, consumed by it's presence
through the touch of skin, or the expanse of sea, as close and eternal as your soul
though you retreat and reject, I still give
not only for your healing, but for mine
for it is mine to give
My love
 
Huxley...I always knew there was something special about you. The better buddies we become each day, the better I know exactly HOW special you are. Through your hopes and fears, I'm able to hope against the fears of the relationship in my own life.
I sooooo want your love to be reciprocated....ten folds even
smile.gif

You know I'm rooting for your dreams to come true.
But more than anything else, believe in perseverance. Someday, the muse of your words will be able to see clearly, and it will all be worth the strife.
Loads of loves,
-Amina
PS- You're right...hehehe....I think the world's gone upside down!!!! HUXLEY in WORDS!!! Did I ever tell you.....you RAWK?
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Contingency Account for WritnPage during software glitches.
 
Pyro.....all I can say is.....
EXACTLY.
I don't know....this is beautiful.....maybe only because it perfectly describes the conflict inside of me every single day of my life....
So much more I could say.....but I won't spoil it.....
 
ignorance is not bliss if it was half the world would be in bliss.more then half.
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sugar-free & DJ Quik r my heros
 
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