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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Kicking

I miss you too hon.

My lucky number... One of em.... Is 22. Ill explain why later or in a PM. Sending you lots of 22s :) I know that sounds weird. But they have special meaning to me. 222 as well.

I have to drag my azz into the shower and to the store. I will do my best to stop in later on.

Know that even when I'm not here, you are on my mind, in my heart, and in my prayers.

Please be kind to YOURself.... Don't leave us honey. I know. It's hard. I know :(

Hold on to this thought... It's what I tell myself when I have no hope left...

It is POSSIBLE that things will get better somehow, even if it's not likely or doesn't seem likely. The POSSIBILITY is what I cling to.

I picture a million branches from my present moment, imagining where they lead. I know not all of them are same or worse.... Some possibilities are BETTER.

Seek. Keep seeking.

Sending lots of love,
Peace.
 
I'm here. I was reading about your chronic pain, and felt so guilty about using for emotional pain. I know you dont judge, but I judge me.
I got some rigs,did some of that bag, iv...it wasn't plugging that almost put me under, that stuff was absolute fire! I've never had tar that good.
Ill be careful. You are right, there is part of me that doesn't care if I die.
You are such a good, sweet person. The idea of you having to use h for pain relief makes me so sad for you.
My b went to the doc, he's in acute pain and they are worrying about addiction! He's fucking dying, give him more drugs. But they accused him of want to sit and pop pills all day (so not his bag), and only put him up to 40mg of oxy, plus 60 of morphine. Utter cruelty.
I'm used to us being treated badly.
I feel such a connection with you. Praying for your happiness, health and for the path which leads to happiness opening up with no obstacles.
Much love, better.

Hey bono! How's things?

X
 
Hey, hi all. I have been going thru utter hell! Caved today but don't care. Long story but found out that my sister decided to take it upon herself to close an account of my mom's, on her own, I am ready to blow a gasget! She is unbelievable, narcissistic and I don't even consider her a sister any more. I have an appointment to meet with nsg home on Monday for placement for my mom, I can't do it anymore, I can't I can't i cant, I'm broken, don't care if I live or die anymore. This is no life for my mom or me. I just want to be numb, I threw up, my tolerance is down so needless to say...
 
Oh bono! Sweetheart! Right, that's it, me you and Better are getting a house together, and living happily ever after. Your sister, forgive me, sounds like a selfish bitch. That sounds illegal! She isn't caring for her, but taking her money!

You don't have to do it anymore sweet heart. You matter. We love you! I'm hoping and praying for some relief for you, a better life.
Go easy on the dope...you use h? Hugs xxx
 
Hi bottle how are you doing? I hope things have lightened up some for you. No, I don't do h, I tried it, but didn't do for me what percs do so needless to say, I am on day 3 clean again, I keep trying, anyhow...bono
 
I'm on day 2 clean. I can't wake up sick, I'd failed to chip, and I decided to just wd and see where that left me.
I'm sick. Obviously.....
Miss you and Better..I can hardly type.
 
Hang in there, I know how hard this is, why,do we do what we do??? I don't know if I can ever answer myself, are you getting clean because you want to or no other option?? I wish you could get subs or some immodium or something, I'll tell you, back in the day, this was 100 x harder without the support of these, and I've been thru some rough stuff. I love opiates, I love subs, I don't think I'll ever be able to be 100% clean, not sure I want to either, anyhow, I'm thinking about ya bottle, xoxo bono
 
I got out of my depth, woke up dope sick, and realized it was time to kick.
How are things with you? I'm ok, toughing it out. Feel like hell, and I have a lot to do tomorrow, so might have to do a little so I am not housebound.
I love opiates too, but right now it isn't sustainable. Money, being able to get out and cop, looking after B...
 
Try not to suffer, do what you have to, can u get and taper, I found out even if I did a little something to take the edge off, the withdrawls were lightened, not as severe, if you know what I mean. Life is hard enough let alone what we put ourselves through, I think with the support we offer each other, we could be the "4 b's" for us, Bottleofsun, Bono, Bliss, and A BetterWay, just a little something to make you smile at this rough period of time, xoxo bono
 
I'm ahead of you...I got well, not high, just well. I couldn't take it cold turkey, I'm too fucking old and beat up...my heart was fluttering dry heaving...eyes pissing acid, nose steaming full on horrorshow...

I still think we should run away and make a commune....:)
 
^I like the idea!! I'm gonna stay busy, gonna bake today, day 4 clean, not feeling too bad, how you feeling??
 
Hi bottle, sorry you sick, I hope it starts to lighten up for ya. Nothing will change for my mom, medicare rules are that she has to be in hospital 3 days for coverage, they won't pay so I'm stuck. It's a lonely feeling especially since what certain family members think they can get away with. So I made cookies from scratch, my mom likes to eat, I enjoy cooking and baking now so, I sure hope you are feeling better, you are on my mind, bono.
 
You are on my mind too, sweetie! I'm sorry they won't take your mom in. The rest of your family don't seem to be helpful. I know how that is.

Even trying to take the edge off, I'm still sick, and now out, so....cold turkey from here on in. B seems to think it's nothing, no sympathy, no kindness. Not even a hand on my back as I'm puking yet again. I miss who he was.

I was up all night with him, bad headache, he was very confused, couldn't talk or understand. I thought it was another stroke. Seems like he sneaked coffee and chocolate - caffeine, which reacted with the meds and damage. Had a whole lot of it, while I had to go out a second.

I'm sad. But I guess ill either make it thru, or I won't.
Any news from Better way? I'm starting to worry!
 
Wow, I'm really sorry things are like that for ya, I'm sad too and angry, I'm trying to not focus on it but cant. I haven't heard from ABW, I'm hoping all is ok, and just busy, ya know. I start to explode when dealing with my no longer sister, she has nerve to tell me to hire an agency so "I can go do what I want to do" OMFG I said I can't "go do what I want to do because my mom is my responsibility"plus they cost money that I don't fng have. No wonder I like being high, practically have to be just to text that b...., anyway my life is in the crapper but I'm holding on to 5 days so far.
 
5 days! Good for you! What's your d.o.c.?

I know, I have a bitch of a sister, we don't talk, she just gloats from afar..

I'm concerned about abw...

Some people are just uncaring and dumb, bono. My sis is too. I just want to be loved and cared for again.
I feel like shit,
 
I have tried pretty much all, but my doc is oxys. Good way of putting it, gloats from afar, yup. In 2008 my fiance was killed in car crash, he was my soulmate, his death changed me, we were in love, I am glad I had him for the time I had him, because as the saying goes, it was better to have loved than not. I get that now, but the pain is unbearable at times. I am alone, my kids are all doing there thing,they don't like seeing there grandmother like this now, so, my life is depressing. I get how you feel. I hope we hear from ABW soon.
 
Can I ask how many mg you take at a time of oxy? Do you iv? How much of that do you do to make it worthwhile? ....just wondering! Not my main d.o.c...and can't get a handle on it. I know everyone says just eat em, the iv high is so short, snorting seems to hit harder, but the legs are crap...
I'm officially worried about abw.
My sis thinks she's a fucking instagram star, pouting and showing off her 'lifestyle'. Vacuous and sickening. I hate her.
Hold on, bono.....I'm so sorry to hear about your fiance, that is very sad, I'm glad you got that love, but wish he was still there for you xxx hug
 
First, how you feeling? Any relief? My tolerance is high, I can take 120-150 twice day no problem, except I been going longer periods of staying off them so I don't need as much, last week my friend needed money, I just have to say no, I was not even craving, it was just the thought of getting them, the process,i guess, I get lonely, I get angry, etc etc...I hope you are feeling somewhat better??
 
I'm a bit better, still streaming, and now when I blow my nose it's squirting out my left eye....the aches are not so bad. I'm on the way out of it. Vomiting gastro stuff is passing, got some lope, so that helped...I'm ok.
Lol, I might get 40mg if I'm lucky of oxy...does Fuck all...perhaps it's just too low a dose...
Big hugs xxx
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