• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Kicking

Why is needing drugs. Needing relief so bad? Why do people judge others so harshly? I need h. Medical h, a little coke, and not have to be chained to copping, would make me a productive human again. I need this shit. What's wrong about feeling good/ok/not tortured. If I knew it was there always, I wouldn't binge. It truly makes me able to live with my head.

I was abused as a kid, abusive marriage, preB...im a bit insane . Psych meds don't help .
 
I am stopping home fast, and running back out, but wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts sweetheart. I won't be gone all day. I'll be around later on for longer.
In the meantime hang in there. Watch something funny on YouTube. When I'm back I'll explain how to PM.

Ttyl hon, much much love to you.

Peace.
 
I am not sure how to pm either, but I will give it a try, ok sun, hang in there,, yes strokes are awful, even when I just run to store, I come back to my mom shaking, I am at wits end, if you are close, I am always up for company, mom goes to bed at 7 pm though, I'll shoot you a pm if I can figure it out fondly, bono
 
Last edited:
Sadly I'm west coast, sweetie. Otherwise we could hang out and try not to feel so alone.
I'm sorry she can't be left. My B doesn't cope with it either. Doesn't want me to go to a bar, have a drink, have fun. I'm meant to be living dead with him.

If I knew he could recover...but that ain't the deal.

I don't know either. I wish I had answers.

Apparently I'm boring when I'm high....so I'm meant to drop the one thing I have for me? Fuck that
 
Got it, I did live in Hawaii, I came home to take care of my mom, if I go back, I'll stop by, kidding aside, , do what you need to do for your sanity right now, I've been and am there. I am living dead too, my daughter just had her baby girl last week, and just from leaving to go to hospital messed everything up, haven't been able to get back since. I do feel dead, I have no answers either but I do know that being in touch on this site has helped me feel a little more alive. Bono
 
We are close in spirit though. Ill give you something to read while going thru this. My son is out there, on west coast, not too long ago he had a falling out with his father and stepmother, (who is only few years older than him), so he took off for florida, than calif where he settled, just got a job, he is my baby and this hurts, now his sister just had her second, my granddaughter, but his stepmother is due any day, very strange I know. Her and my daughter had due dates one day apart. So I have 2 grandkids and I am in my 50s. My daughter also lived in Hawaii but moved back to be near me. But we talk about going west again, who knows. I have plenty stories could tell ya, I too, luv being on opiates, am not sure if I really want to stop or not. I have serious pain issues too, but recently got insurance but haven't used it yet. Try stay busy, I know what you are going thru, you are doing best ya can that is what counts. Your b may not be able to express things due to his condition, but trust me, he is glad you are there with him, regardless. Bono
 
Dragging my ass to the store now, popping in to send you guys my love.

OK, to PM someone.....

If you are on a mobile device...

At the top right of the page, there's a symbol, looks like a square with littler squares in it. Click that.

It will take you to a menu. Should say "messages" on bottom right of page.

Click that.

This will take you to your inbox. At the top left it says "compose". Click that.

It will take you to write a message. Under " recipient users ", type the name of whoever you want to send the message to. Make sure you spell it exactly as they do or if may go to another user with similar name lol.

Once done composing where it says " message ", click " submit message " at the bottom.

If you are greenlight status, not blue light yet (I think once you post 60 times?), I'm not sure if you can send a PM.

If you are not on a mobile device it should be a similar processes. Let me know if you have trouble, I will switch to PC view and figure it out.

You can select mobile or PC/Full Site view at this link:

www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/713150-Bluelight-Mobile-(With-Links-to-Both-Mobile-and-Full-Site!)

Hope this helps, beautiful souls.

Will be around more later after forcing myself to shop and cook.

Much love to you all :-*

Peace.
 
Last edited:
Still thinking of you!

Gotta feed animals, unpack groceries, cook.

This is taking forever ugh lol. At some friggin point I'll be around for more than a moment!!!

Hang in there guys.

Much love,
Peace.
 
I'm here!

He's having a bad day, keeps trying to get in the car and leave.

Very busy trying to calm him down

Then he flushed my dope.

So. Not great
 
I got your note bono, but fucked up replying. Old live to reply fully once I've settled him.
Much love, to you x

Thank you, too better...you've helped me carry on.

Must settle him and get stuff done...my fucking dope!!
 
Holy Moly! You got your work cut out. Just remind him with all the medicine he is on, he will end up hurting himself and possibly someone else at this point. It's a safety issue, sorry to hear he flushed your stuff, wow, tell him you need down time, seriously, a break, a small one, you are human and can only push so far, do what you need to do for your own sanity, I wish I was closer, but I'm here for ya.
J.
 
Oh, MAN!!! Time to find a hiding place.....

I'm so sorry he's not settling down. You poor thing.

I so hope and pray he calmed down soon and you can have a break and breathe....

Xoxoxo

Peace.
 
I could weep. Too much. This is too much. I need to get high. No rigs, no way of getting more for ages, I can't buy em in this town.
 
He's very active now the mscontin has got rid of pain. Very difficult. Very irritable. And it's "look after me, don't get high". Sacrifice myself for him.

If I could have my shit..
Now no rigs. .damn....

Life sucks.
 
I wish you were closer too...

I need a life. He isn't even nice to me and doesn't recognize his kindness and verbal abuse..he thinks he's the same.
 
Sorry you are having such a rough go of it. My mom was never a happy person, to be honest, not very nice, but her and my dad, rest his soul adopted 4 of us, and I have 2 other foster brothers, anyway, we were not treated very nice as kids, thats all I'll say for now, so last may when her stroke happened, I seriously wanted to leave her in the home, but my conscious wouldn't let me, she came home, was not as bad, but when she would start to act nasty I would threaten to take her back there,God I'm horrible or feel horrible for saying this, the pm I sent you, we'll she once overheard me on the phone when I called to put her back there, i can't afford it, she doesn't know that, and now she is so frail and helpless and may as well enjoy her life out here, but God, I am at my wits end too, I am hoping it gets better somehow for ya, I get it. J
 
My goodness.....I'm so sorry, both of you. I can't say I've been in that exact situation. I'm so glad you guys are able to relate first hand on this. Not that I'm glad you have to go through this... To the contrary, I'm so, so incredibly sorry for all of the pain you guys go through, I'm so saddened to hear the despair in your posts. My goodness, I sooooo wish I could make that not be happening for you guys. Big big hugs to you both.

Sun, you need to talk with his doctors and let them know how he is acting out. Maybe they can help somehow. I sure hope so honey. My heart goes out to you.

Bono, oh my GOD, you are NOT a horrible person. I encourage you to look up and educate yourself about statistics and common themes and difficulties of caregiving. Hon, it's KNOWN that thats one of THE MOST stressful situations. I mean that....read up on the health impact of caring for others.

Maybe the two of you might even look for a support group online for caregivers? There has to be a place you can go online that you can talk with others in this situation and get real advice and support from others who've been there and are there. I think thats a good step to take. Reaching out is good.

I'll be around for a bit, can't help but head to bed. Physically exhausted. I'm sure you are too. I hope you get a good nights rest. I'm praying for you both.

Much love and respect,
Peace.
 
A decent article on caregiver burnout:

http://www.m.webmd.com/women/caregiver-recognizing-burnout

Search google with terms like:

Help for caregivers
Help for caregiver burnout
Caregiving health risks
Free caregiver support (your area)
Etc

I hope you can find something useful. Knowledge is power.

Peace.

Edit... This article offers a number of suggestions, hopefully something is doable.
 
Last edited:
Bono, I feel for you. Life sounds so complicated and tough for you. You are a great, compassionate person who deserves better from life. I hope it does get better.
I'm high...ish...no rigs. Snapped every last u100 I had...flushed my shit. I got well, but not...enough.
I think it's over. My darling has gone mentally. Ill organise a nursing home, get a life.
He won't even say he loves me.
I'm a bitch, but ...He's not there. It's a monster in A's body. I hope he can enjoy life in a home. Ill get him a nice one. His insurance is good.
I'm sorry.
I'm not wiping his ass to be called a whore, and have my medicine flushed.
 
I'm broke, bono, but if I had money, I'd help your ma get into a home. You deserve a life.
I've written a living will, if I have a a stroke, they are NOT to save me. Altzimers, anything which makes me mentally gone, I want dnr.
I feel like crap, but tomorrow I'm calling his doc, and he goes.
I'm 40, I deserve a life. He doesn't love me now, he's just using me to nurse him. And damnit, I want sex! No affection, no sex, no kindness. He could live another 5 years torturing me.
Fuck this.
Flushing my shit, snapping my rigs, calling me names, being cruel. I know it's the stroke, but it doesn't make it ok.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top