TheLuckiest
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Feb 9, 2012
- Messages
- 8
I posted an intro, but here's more about myself:
I've abused opiates off and on for 6 years now, and my latest binge has been almost 18 months. I kicked a pretty serious pod tea habit 2 years ago, but opiates have become my way of coping with my increasingly stressful life. My current kick has consisted mainly of Roxicodone 30s. 8-12 of them a day if I can find them. If not, it's not unusual for me to take 35-40 Norco/Lortab 10s a day. This is BY FAR the worst I've ever been, and I'm disgusted with myself. My self esteem is non-existent, and I (a 27 year old, athletic, self-described manly man) break down daily at the thought of how weak and pathetic I am. I've stolen from work, using my addiction to justify it. I know better, and I'm 100% humiliated by my actions.
I'm ready to quit. I've withdrawn CT 4 times, but this time it's not an option. 10 weeks ago the woman of my dreams gave birth to our son. He is the light of my life. His mother (or any of my family or friends) know about my problem, and I taking care of an infant while in withdrawals is NOT an option for me.
I've kicked myself since his birth, because I had an infinite supply of 8mg Suboxone available. A friend got into a program, but instead of using it he would sell it to buy pills. I told myself I'd use it to taper and quit before my son was born, but my self control is less than ideal. Now he's in another state, running from the law. There's a Suboxone Doc in my (tiny) town, but due to the small town rumor mill he's a last resort.
I think I've found a source for some more Suboxone. Could someone give me an idea of how I should taper with minimal down time? My tolerance is HIGH, and the last time I took Subs I needed 12-16mg to feel comfortable. I'm starting a new job in 2 weeks and would prefer to be mostly clean by then. I'm 100% committed this time. Every time I hold my son and he looks in my eyes, I feel like he KNOWS his daddy just did a line in the bathroom. It's ripping me up inside.
My girlfriend's father was a lifelong addict, and I really don't think she would leave me if I came clean to her. But I really don't want her to have to worry about it. I have the added benefit of no more dealers, also. I'm 100% motivated to quit on my own, but it won't be hard to stay clean. My sources have all gone to jail, rehab or are on the run.
I really just need help with a taper plan, as I have NO experience tapering. If I can find Suboxone, I'll probably start at 16mg per day. Where should I go from there....? As long as my supply lasts, I can draw it out as long as possible. Sub works very well for me. I used it (and only it) for almost 3 months. I felt great, and I had no desire to do anything else. Any advice, support, or encouragement would help. Thanks!
I've abused opiates off and on for 6 years now, and my latest binge has been almost 18 months. I kicked a pretty serious pod tea habit 2 years ago, but opiates have become my way of coping with my increasingly stressful life. My current kick has consisted mainly of Roxicodone 30s. 8-12 of them a day if I can find them. If not, it's not unusual for me to take 35-40 Norco/Lortab 10s a day. This is BY FAR the worst I've ever been, and I'm disgusted with myself. My self esteem is non-existent, and I (a 27 year old, athletic, self-described manly man) break down daily at the thought of how weak and pathetic I am. I've stolen from work, using my addiction to justify it. I know better, and I'm 100% humiliated by my actions.
I'm ready to quit. I've withdrawn CT 4 times, but this time it's not an option. 10 weeks ago the woman of my dreams gave birth to our son. He is the light of my life. His mother (or any of my family or friends) know about my problem, and I taking care of an infant while in withdrawals is NOT an option for me.
I've kicked myself since his birth, because I had an infinite supply of 8mg Suboxone available. A friend got into a program, but instead of using it he would sell it to buy pills. I told myself I'd use it to taper and quit before my son was born, but my self control is less than ideal. Now he's in another state, running from the law. There's a Suboxone Doc in my (tiny) town, but due to the small town rumor mill he's a last resort.
I think I've found a source for some more Suboxone. Could someone give me an idea of how I should taper with minimal down time? My tolerance is HIGH, and the last time I took Subs I needed 12-16mg to feel comfortable. I'm starting a new job in 2 weeks and would prefer to be mostly clean by then. I'm 100% committed this time. Every time I hold my son and he looks in my eyes, I feel like he KNOWS his daddy just did a line in the bathroom. It's ripping me up inside.
My girlfriend's father was a lifelong addict, and I really don't think she would leave me if I came clean to her. But I really don't want her to have to worry about it. I have the added benefit of no more dealers, also. I'm 100% motivated to quit on my own, but it won't be hard to stay clean. My sources have all gone to jail, rehab or are on the run.
I really just need help with a taper plan, as I have NO experience tapering. If I can find Suboxone, I'll probably start at 16mg per day. Where should I go from there....? As long as my supply lasts, I can draw it out as long as possible. Sub works very well for me. I used it (and only it) for almost 3 months. I felt great, and I had no desire to do anything else. Any advice, support, or encouragement would help. Thanks!