Kicking kratom

[Nexus6]

I've decided to quit kratom in order to get my tolerance back to sensible levels. I'm writing this thread in order to help me commit to quitting. Last time it took a few attempts before I could actually do it because I kept losing my resolve, so feel free to encourage me. First, let me explain my reasons for using kratom.

I've had Borderline Personality Disorder my entire life. It's basically like having emotions that are 10 times the normal volume, so you just react to every little thing like icecream on a sore tooth. There is no prescription drug that helps with this condition since it's not well understood, but it affects around 3% of the population. Basically you need to be sensitive and have a shitty childhood with a particularly strong trauma at a very young age. It sucks. Fortunately a few years back I discovered that kratom actually helps. While I'm on kratom I find that all the endorphines level me out and let me work, play, and just live life and be happy. So I'm not really using kratom for recreational purposes, I consider it medicinal.

When I first started using kratom, I found that the absolute minimum dose I could use to get any effect was 7 grams. After a few months I leveled off at about 14 grams (1/2 oz) per day. I use super green malaysian. A few weeks ago I realized that I'm up to 1 oz (28 grams) per day, which worried me, but as of today an ounce isn't quite enough. I need about 32 grams to get the same effects, so it's time for a cleanse. I was able to get off kratom 2 years ago and reset my tolerance, so this will be the second time for me.

Yesterday I took 28 grams just as a last hoorah, and I had a little trouble sleeping last night so I know my addiction level is pretty high. Today I took 4 grams, which is all I have left. At the moment I feel fine but I'm sure that I'll be sneezing by this afternoon and will not be able to sleep.... ugh. I could get some kratom and taper, which would be much less painful, but my resolve is just so weak that I know I'll end up taking it all. So it's cold turkey for me, whoopee. I've got a prescription for valium and I'm taking prozac, so those two should hopefully help stave off the deppression/anxiety.

So begins Day 1.

 

[ad lib]

Hey! Welcome to Bluelight. Congrats on your decision to quit using kratom.

When I first quit opiates I quit cold turkey also because of the self control factor. Keep us updated. You can do it

 

[Nexus6]

Thanks for the support!

Day 2: last night was terrible. I felt great until I tried to go to sleep, and then my arms started aching. I downed 3 unisom in an attempt to force myself to sleep... which was a really really stupid idea. I couldn't find a position to sleep in without them aching so I just got back up and watched TV. But the unisom made me so drowsy I could barely stand. So I was aching *and* unbearably drowsy. Dumb dumb dumb. I started looking everywhere for a little bit of kratom to take the edge off but I was all out (and thankfully so, because I just needed to grin and bear it). It was only after I took 4 ibuprofren that things improved. After about an hour the aching went down by a bit and I was able to fall asleep. This morning I don't feel too bad, just sortof generally crappy. My resolve is much stronger today though because I now know that kratom has the ability to turn me into a miserable zombie, and the first day is always the worst.

 

[ad lib]

Aw I'm sorry but you're doing great! I promise.

It'll only get easier going forward physically. How are you feeling about it mentally? I know that for me the mentality was the worst part- cravings and such.

 

[sonicwhite]

Really you should just not use it IMHO. Because this is the reason. You need to find something that is more effective for your BPD and go with that.....Benzo's where an easy fix for my OCD. Sorry that life hands you lemons but, I was on kratom for three months and stopped because it was taking all my money....I have no desire to use it since my meds are tweaked just right for me right now.......I mean if your wanting to quit just to lower your tolerance then your always going to go thru this....Please I'm not bashing you and I found kratom better than a opiate.....It's just back and forth....

 

[Nexus6]

I really really wish there was a prescription drug that did anything for BPD, but unfortunately there isn't. My psychiatrist has me on prozac but told me that it's just to take the edge off as I attempt cognitive therapy. He took me off of benzos because I was on them so long that they were affecting my memory. I totally agree that kratom is not a wise long term medication, but for me it's just the lesser of two evils. Without kratom I drink, and that's far more damaging and makes me a danger to others (with driving, etc). I used to drink poppy tea, and compared to morphine withdrawals kratom withdrawal is a birthday party

 

[Nexus6]

Day 3: last night wasn't bad. I took ibuprofren prior to going to sleep and I slept just fine. I'm definitely taking more ibuprofren than I should be but that will only be for a few days. Other than that I'm just immersing myself in video games. I chose to quit just before a weekend so that the worst wouldn't screw me up at work. I crave kratom naturally, but I crave not blowing $100 a week even more. I'm actually a little surprised at how much easier this is than last time. I think the prozac is really helping here. Last time I quit off half my current dose and I was just dogshit for weeks.

 

[Nexus6]

Day 4: last night the insomnia kicked in. The aches are down to a murmur but I only managed to get about 3 hours of sleep. I'm working today and although I don't feel depressed I have no motivation at all. I really miss the kick kratom gives me in the morning. That's one of the wonderul things about it, it makes you forget that you hate your job for a little while. Sigh. Well thankfully I think I'm beginning to plateau. It should be no crappier than this for about a week or two. Last time the insomnia took almost a month to completely wear off, but I'm hoping that the prozac will somehow improve things.

 

[caseface99]

Keep it up nexus you're doing amazing!

Just try to stay positive. Believe me, i know it's difficult. I'm going through some of my own shit right now, not related to drugs but other difficulties in my life, and I know that focusing on the negatives wether physical or mental will never help anything. Try to stay busy, and work out if you can. Exercise will help your sleep situation more than anything. (sort of ironic, because I've been slow to start exercising myself, but even just a little bit helps)

Anyway, keep up the good work.

Also, if you feel that Kratom is a necessity for you I'm not going to sit here and try to tell you that you should try living totally free of it - It's your choice.

But have you ever considered it? I know you must have tried a ton of different methods of managing your mental difficulties before you found kratom, but it's just a thought/question so don't worry I'm not assuming kratom is the only thing you have tried. It just sounds like you have been using the kratom for a considerably long time, and perhaps it's possible that you are capable of handling life without it? Anyway, Just a thought.

For now just keep focusing on staying off of it for the time being and clearing out your system. Try to eat healthy and exercise, will greatly improve your mood.

Keep it up!