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kicking cocaine

needles420

needles420

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 22, 2011
Messages
40
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near me far from you
i hope i am doing this right, if not please correct me. anyways, i have been injecting cocaine daily and am wanting to stop...for good. i have had my stint with coke before but i was not using needles and was able to stop cold turkey. now that i have felt the rush from injecting i haven't been able to say no. i searched and didn't find anything besides safe needle use (which i do practice and believe in). i do smoke cannabis for medical conditions which include depression, anxiety, and chronic migraines; and has aided me with my alcohol problems. but i have stopped smoking in order to look for a job so i am at my wits end. anyone have any advice or ideas i can try?
 
Welcome to Bluelight. You mentioned that in the past you have been able to stop your cocaine use. What was your reason for stopping, and how long did that last? Also, what happened to cause you to start using it again? How did you feel while you were not using cocaine?

If you can uncover the reasons why you use it then you'll be better able to find other solutions. We all need to find the approach that works bet for us based on our own needs <3
 
thanks. i realized i had a problem after being in denial for so long. i dropped down to 130lbs from 175lbs, i was getting mood swings and angry every day, and not to mention spending all my money on drugs. drinking didn't help either and i had stopped that too while i sobered up. i've been going through depression and a lot of other problems in my life and feel i have reached a dead end in life. although i felt normal when i wasn't using it, i have an addictive personality which hasn't helped at all. also i was just snorting it back in the day. the rush from injecting it has me hook, line, and sinker. its a totally different experience and hard to say no. i guess all in all i'm using it as a way out of my problems in life, and fixing said problems has its own problems.
 
Well you seem to have a lot of insight into your behavior. If you feel that you are running away from depression and other problems then you can try to determine if you perceive the problems caused by cocaine to be worse than the problems you are trying to avoid.

If you have a shift in perception and begin to see your current behavior as causing more problems than it is solving, it may be easier to begin focusing on dealing with the problems you are trying to forget about.

You said that you were able to stop cold turkey in the past. This shows that you've already been able to create the shift in perception necessary to stop just like that. You can do the same thing now; the fact that you are now using it IV does not make that impossible.
 
i'm very good at that kinda thing. a lot of people i know come to me to talk because i can look at things from outside the box.

i guess that would be a good way to start, because hard drugs make problems worse than what they really are. it's just an excuse to escape. i was able to stop cold turkey in the past, but i also had my 'medicine'. cannabis has pulled me through a lot, and for me has been a miracle drug. now that i'm off of it i'm having a harder time focusing on what i should and need to do
 
i had a nasty iv cocaine/heroine habit, mostly cocaine.

the needle fixation involves a lot of ritual, the habitual habit personified. the only way i was able to get it out of my system the first time at 134lbs,, was lots of patience, 2 months in jail, 3.5 months inpatient, i lived with my NA sponsor for 7 months or so, then a half way house.

i would still fantasize and fixate.

find something to take this 'rituals place' like meditating before exorcising is great. or getting hyped to a song and then riding a bike hard, or running, lifting, yoga, palates, anything similar.
this would be to try and give you a physiological boost and one of self-pride, with some sort of order you take to prepare; which takes up more time and builds further structure.

discover new simple veggies and fruits/cultures.

this is a mental addiction, and it is very sneaky! because the peaks of wanting come and go with no warning.
i would avoid any music that was common, movies that pertain to situation, familiar areas, "using clothes", hardware rar etc...
any thoughts that come that you dont want, there is no need to entertain for long, take time and find a way to disassemble these thoughts as tricks, tricks that you are playing on yourself. there is a very good reason you want to stop, and that easily is forgotten amongst all the cluster that stuff finally leaving your mind brings.


what was very helpful for me finally, honestly, was feeling crazy giving people my money to do for themselves, while i was manipulating for others money, only to do worse for and to myself, over and over.

and the realization that, i was going to die a rotten death this way, and disgrace my body mind and soul the whole while.



my goal, that i pinned over when i was released was to bang as much as possible, and then smash my .... in a _ _ _ car, immediately.

that was 15 years ago, im very glad that thought is only a memory i very rarely feel even comfortable mentioning as an , honest "goal" for my life.


its way gone now though, and im not.
so such powerful thoughts, need only be written about at their very best in a creative manner, expressed as fictional angst.
 
Jesus IV coke may just be the most addictive thing i have ever tried. I found myself doing stuff like reusing needles and the lot because i just wanted that coke hit or a speedball. After only 2 weeks of use i was a mess and my brain was kinda fucked so ya i'm glad i'm off it.

I would say try and quit and if you have to use certain meds. I guess you could see a doctor but coke addiction is pretty much all psychological. It's kinda like giving up ciggs. Very addictive psychologically and certainly takes a toll on you.

Good luck man i hope you can do it.
 
i have tried meditation, green teas, bike riding, going out with supposed 'friends', music, ps3, movies, trying to eat and make different foods, even find a girl who won't use me and lie to me. i've been using coke like this for over a month. i really can't stop myself...i'm feeling hopeless. my depression sinks worse every day, and although while i stopped mixing cocaine and heroin i'm drinking and shooting coke. i have to fight the urge to cut. in the back of my mind i'm hoping i will do something stupid and not wake up, and i've had some close calls. i am all alone and have no one to talk to. i quit seeing my therapist a couple weeks ago, my parents just tell me to go away when i try to talk to them. i've been having panic attacks a lot and have been crying by myself daily for hours. when i first posted this i was doing ok, but today i'm fighting to binge drink and shoot up, i'm scared that i am going to do something to put me six foot under. but i know i'm gonna score some and start chugging liquor.

and when i tried talking to my mom again today her response was "quit throwing a pity party for yourself and get over it". her own son...who just over a month ago came out and told her a out how he was raped at about 11-12yrs old (i have trouble remembering a lot). i've hid this dark skeleton over 1/2 my life, i am now 25. i've been telling myself i'd stop for weeks and it just gets worse and worse. i am in tears and shaking as i'm trying to type straight
 
I probably wasn't into it as heavily as you, but anyway, my habit consisted of shooting 1/4 oz or so of cocaine every other weekend for 4 or 5 months. I was able to quit fairly easily because the coke seemed to stop working. Well sort of. It just wasn't enjoyable anymore. For my last few sessions, each time, maybe 2 weeks apart, I stayed up all night with 1/4 oz of coke each time. The coke was from the same source as during the first months, and other people said the quality was about the same, so there was probably nothing wrong with the cocaine. But during those last sessions, aside from a small rush from the first shot (a ringer in size), the rest of the session was nothing but trying to maintain that rush. That deteriorated quickly into anxiety and craving. Increasing the dose only made me vomit. The euphoria was gone. I didn't enjoy it any more. The party was over. That realization was enough to keep me from seeking it out again. Years later, I tried it again, but still, it was not enjoyable.
 
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needles420-
try and realize that you arent addicted to cocaine, needles, alcohol or masochism in general.


you maybe want to not feel those thoughts... and the pain is whats familiar, pain is our first experience in this world, it is us leaving our comfort zone , leaving a comfortable enveloped place of our own into a new reality - allow your new reality to be,,, and you will be in much more control of it from now on.


this is not something that one honestly just get over, but can and will in their own honest way - those who havent been there really cant imagine any of it, and thats fine for them indeed, but it is a new look at, and an understanding of the world, people/humanity, and nature that is not easy to come by or hold onto - but is worth it.


you have the ability to turn this into character and insight, these can be strengths which are difficult to find comparative hells to, let this build your spirit and integrity, it will once its passed.
 
i was hooked on coke for about 2 months once. then i discovered rolls =). and i realized that coke just is not worth it. ill do it for free when its offered to me but i havent spent a dime on it since.
 
Buddy-

After reading through your posts and what little information you gave, you need professional help and preferably now. Professional, not Bluelight or AA/NA meetings or your own green tea ways. I'm talking a 30 day in-patient rehab at least. Go longer, if you feel you need it. Thirty days, at least buddy.

You have old memories that have brought you down since they've happened. My hunch is that you're drinking and using to run away from what you need to deal with: you need to sit down and stare some issues right in the face with the help of a counselor. It's going to hurt man, you're going to cry (sober) and realize what's been going on all fucked up if you get that far (and I hope you do). But, you need help. You have a decision to make right now man.

Don't reply to me with "rehabs cost money". Yes, they do, and they're expensive, but damnit man you can't put a price on your life. If that's the only thing holding you back, then it's a damn excuse. Nothing more but an excuse. Trust me, they will help out/make it flexible for you. You need this. You need to get away to a safe environment to start sorting this shit out. You cannot do it on your own: it's ok man, I couldn't either. I was crying out for help in the end. Today I'm 42 days away from a year of sobriety. I know I'll get there. I'm at peace in the mind, but it's been a road of learning.

Brother, I'm holding you accountable. You need to reach out to someone for help. Don't make this post a cry for help and self-pity and then go back and slam coke til your heart explodes. Not worth it. You are past the bottom.

What do you think about getting professional help?
 
it's more insurance than money. I've been talking to someone on here and also a buddy who went thru rehab for a nasty heroin problem. I've made a list of why I need to quit and things I want to do in life (can't do them if I kill myself). not the whole list but some big ones

see my bro get married
get tatted up
buy a 600cc sport bike
continue the few relationships I have and value

'sober' for me includes alcohol, coke, heroin (no smack for 2 months so far), and hopefully cigs. I do smoke marijuana for medical reasons but I'm sure no one soul believe it
 
I think pot is great for medical purposes. I have 2 uncles, one is dead (alcohol) and the other alive (pot).

Get thee to rehab, sir. It would be great. Beg, borrow, steal -- heck, have someone else figure it out!!!

Oh, and cigs are totally do-able. I smoked for years, you just got to be ready and realize that ONE PUFF is the killer. Because, after you've messed up quitting a number of times for that 'one Puff" you realize it isn't worth it.
 
ya I'm looking into different clinics/treatments. I kno I can do it, I've quit every drug before on my own...man I need some herb to ease all of this stress and mess

cigs are hard because everyone I kno smokes, so anywhere I go I'm around it constantly
 
My drugs of choice were alcohol and cocaine. Tried everything else, but liquor was always a staple for me and cocaine was downright amazing in the worst way. Had a good run of roughly five years using hard. Don't want it back, though.

You mentioned you quit every other drug on your own. That's awesome, but the fact is every other drug has been replaced with any drug you're doing now. It's a sick cycle of swapping out different drugs but continuing to decay.

I believe you would benefit greatly by first hitting an in-patient rehab. You're at the point where stopping on your own, though it can be done, hurts even worse if you slip back. "Hey! I quit!" A week later... "fuck man, I can't do this." Our mind then tears us apart and we start doubting our existence and our courage to do things on our own.

The fact is that people that become dependent on alcohol and drugs did not do so overnight and they certainly will not become free of their dependency overnight as well. When your mind is so out of sync with the body and soul that you cannot live without substances, asking for professional help is the best way to go. You have a rat's nest of a mind that needs untangling while weeding out the parts you don't even need but have kept rented space in your mind. It's a beautiful thing to do.

This is just my opinion or how I might do it, but I would refrain from any drugs. Cigarettes right now is the least of your concern. It's OK to continue smoking, you can deal with that at a later time. Nicotine doesn't have the mind-decaying effect the other drugs have. Smoking marijuana is probably not the best idea.

How I thought this through is by thinking alcohol and drugs have absolutely polluted, decayed, and muddied my mind. My mind used to run rampant about nothing all day and still easily can today. However, I wanted to take anything out of the equation that was adding to these muddied waters: obviously the alcohol and drugs. I don't want anything in my body for a very long time that will mess with the brain chemistry.

If I went to a psychiatrist six months ago or even on bad days recently, I'm sure they'd be quick to say you're bi-polar, have anxiety out the roof, maybe a smidgeon schizo, etc." I have my moments. However, the more I learn in being clean is that man, I destroyed my mind with these substances, I need to give my body and mind a very long time to recover. I'm coming up on a year: things are significantly better, but more time is necessary. Life is a spiritual journey. I didn't get into addiction overnight and I'm not going to get out of my old ways of thinking overnight.

Be patient and be aware of the moment. Do not listen to anything your mind tells you. Listen to your heart, body, and soul. Our roots run deep there. Our mind has but one intention: to destroy us, to make us feel weak, and make us hate ourselves. It is all false.

This has been only one man's path, my own. It has been over the course of ten and a half months. I knew I had it in me to do whatever it took to stay sober and now I'm growing in life.

The most comforting words I've heard spoken to me (ironically at rehab) was by a chaplain: everything is going to be ok. He was right.

First and foremost for you: treatment. Looking into it is great, but holding yourself accountable and making that phone call and following through with the action of getting there to better your life is greater. You can do it bud.
 
i understand that i need help, and when i tell people that i'm gonna try on my own it's always the same "you can't". i've quit other drugs but have come back to the same ones, and using needles is the worst way to intake anything into the body. honestly having everyone tell me that i can't do it on my own is helping me....cause my last cocaine/alcohol habit i was told the same thing and kicked it with my own will power. so far i've been clean on my own will and not because i was out of town and couldn't get any (which was the only times i would go sober). been 24hrs, and all i can think about is scoring some and shooting.....but i haven't. been trying to keep my day busy and occupied

my way of saying
photo2.jpg

to all the nay-sayers.
pic was taken about a year ago when i was 100% sober (weed doesn't count in my book)
 
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