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Kicking a once a week Opana habit.......Much harder than I thought

H

hardlines

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 29, 2011
Messages
7
I am a 21 year old college student who has done 15-30mg of oxymorphone (opana) on a weekly basis for about two years now. I do not fit the characteristic mold for a opiate user, as many of us do not. I would never ever use everyday, and honestly it has never been a problem for me. Never blew all my money on it, never got in trouble with the law, always held a job, and my parents had no clue. I looked at it as a special treat on the weekends, and thought I wasn't addicted.

Now I have moved off to college, away from home and my dealers, and it has been 5 days since I last used. I am depressed. I know that I will not be getting anymore, and the thought of that has made me crave it even more intensly than I normally do during 5 or 6 days between use. (Now I realize that the true reason I gave myself that time in between was just so I could get really high next time, not because I was responsible) So now I am sitting here in my apartment. Away from friends and family, away from the comforts of home. And i am very sad, I feel like life has lost all its fun. All the things I should be excited about (starting school, all these cute girls, lots of things to do on campus) i am not excited for at all. It is because of the opiates, there is no doubt in my mind. My brain is so used to getting that boost every 5 or 6 days that it can not function normally without it.

The more I have thought about it the past two nights, the more disgusted I am with myself that I ever let it get to this point. I want to quit. I really do. I dont want to snort another opana so I can feel fucking fantastic for 6 hours then like dogshit for the next 4 days after. It is not worth feeling like shit over, and it is also not worth spending a bunch of money on. But for now I just need to deal with this withdrawl depression the best I can. I hope that since i was not an everyday user it will take a much shorter time period of the chemicals in my brain to balance out and for me to feel good the natural way.

I am doing all the basics like keeping myself occupied and exercising. I feel like posting on here, typing all of this out, and hopefully getting some reponses will really make me feel a lot better. I know I can do this, and I know I am not in half as deep as most are. But I need as much support as possible. Thank you all. 8(
 
I was the same way in college and pursued my pharmacology inclined self to a psychiatric RN. I was much worse about it and definitely seemed to prefer wanting drugs all the time. Heck, “having fun” in the old sense wasn’t the same thing – I wanted to experience sober fun on drugs, etc. I had a similar use pattern to you too. Opiates and chemicals put a dampen on the enjoyment of real life.

The cravings have never gone away but I have managed to accomplish a great career, family, etc. in the exact same boat you are in. It will get better soon man.

IT IS ALL IN YOUR HEAD. You were not addicted to drugs in any true sense.

I promise you, fun in the real world can give you the euphoria Opana wishes it could give you. It’s in all in your brain.

Good luck, buddy.
 
That's how my usage started out, and them it turned into a full on addiction.

You're probably feeling the way you ate because like you mentioned, your brain is missing that weekly "oomph" it got from the drugs.

Drugs are prevalent in college...if you really looked around I'm sure you could find them, and in a huge abundance, but please, while you're not in *too* far yet, dont try to. Addiction, withdrawal, cravings, etc like you mentioned are horrible.

As much as withdrawal sucks, since you're not an everyday user the chemicals in your brain may balance out quicker and the symptoms may dissappear faster.

Perhaps you're feeling the depression because you're feeling a little home sick too?

Determination is a great mindset. I don't have that mindset yet and someday I hope I'm strong enough to. It's never too late to change you're life around and stop living a certain way if you truly want it and work toward it. I have faith in you.

Feel free to PM me if you would like, I wish you the best of luck in getting clean and your studies <3
 
Wow I am so gassed that you both replied so quickly. Makes me smile so much.

Tigers, it scares me a little that the cravings never went away. Yikes. But what about the depression, how long did it take for you to be perfectly content with being clean?

007, I hate to hear that you are in the middle of a full blown opana addiction. What made me want to quit most of all is knowing that if i use again, I am only going to set myself back (as in it will be even longer before my brain can function normally). It is very hard, so much harder than I expected. If i was at home right now, i would be fine. I would know i could make one text in the morning and go get high at 9am. But now I am two hours away and refuse to drive that far to get high. fucking ridiculous. I do not want that. I want to be able to enjoy movies, books, nature. all the things i enjoyed before using. Its scary how a once a week habit can cause that many profound changes in my brain.

I am of the FIRM BELIEF that oxymorphone has absolutely no value in the medical community. I think they should stop making it. It was originally developed as a stage 5 cancer drug. Administered only to those who were not going to live long enough to have to deal with addiction. My dealer is a healthy 23 year old who hooked up with a pill mill that gave me a script first day. Insane. I want to corner that doctor and let him know the evil causes with that pen and paper pad.

sorry for my rant about oxymorphone, synthetic herion. BLAHHH. Hopefully by Friday I will be feeling back to normal. Or it may take waaaay longer than that. At this point im not sure.
 
Tigers, it scares me a little that the cravings never went away. Yikes. But what about the depression, how long did it take for you to be perfectly content with being clean?
Click to expand...

I'm still not perfectly clean' but I'm getting closer than I have ever been. Sorry but I still dabble but I feel that it's more recreational now.

The depression went away with lots and lots of mindfulness, introspection, and growing up.
 
Let me add, that Opana is the only thing I ever crave. But real life experiences > Opana experiences, hands down. You'll learn this and you will have your old life back.
 
I think that you are definitely on the right track and what you are experiencing now will certainly not last forever. Also, be careful not to ascribe every feeling of depression, etc. to PAWS. It is way more common than people acknowledge to feel stressed, slightly depressed and detached when they first go off to college. So you may be experiencing several things at once. At any rate, you have my utmost respect not only for what you are doing (quitting) but for your rant. That is an opinion that I share wholeheartedly.

Try not to overthink (worry) about what is happening right now. I think that with the level of use you had, along with your awareness, and all the good things you are already doing that your brain should start to readjust over time. hthr007 made a very good point about how prevalent they will be on a campus so stay strong.<3
 
I moved away from my hometown, don't know anybody . Been a user for the last 5 years , but since I'm six hours away . There is no way i can get anything . I don't have the courage to walk up and ask strangers if they know where anything is. Anywho , i know what kinda feeling you are having , I'm not going to lie to you I've been clean alomost six months not a day goes by i don't think about it, i might have slipped up a couple times. But everybody does , well most people do . It gets easier in time, but the urge is always there in the back of your head. It tries to test you sometimes , your mind tries to manipulate you . Depending on rather you have the will power to say no or not , will be the outcome of your recovery . But I hope you the best of luck , you're not the only one out there . Just keep your head up , and have the strength to fight this never ending battle .
 
Yep, it's alarming how drugs can claw into one's psyche even when it's occasional use. That's why I doubt people who say they only use on the weekends etc., because this can change so fast. I was in a similar place a few years ago but was "clever" enough to trick me into thinking that I could control it and it wasn't a problem.
I still managed to quit it earlier than most who dabble into addiction, but going through ct withdrawal, revealing to friends and family what I had done secretly for years and checking into treatment for months wasn't too much fun in the first place. It was a turning point to the better without question, but I think it's even better to stop before that happens.

The situation you're in is so dangerous because it's so easy to pretend you have control. Come on, it's once a week, I don't have to if I don't want. I beg you to be attentive and honest to yourself.

Maybe you can get some kind of help, many colleges offer some kind of free counselling, at least where I come from. You don't get a medical record but can open up to somebody and work things out.
 
Oh man, Opana is one of the worst too coz its so good feeling, lasts long(er than many/most) and its very potent. you dont have control over this drug. hardly 0.0000000001% of the population can control strong opiates like that and never abuse them. It's just such an instant, good, and long reward for ur brain. ur reward center is the first thing that gets messed with when abusing drugs. After u have removed urself from that environment, faced the underlying issues (if there are any) eotionally, then you can start rebuilding ur reward pathways. thats why drugs are so easy.
 
It's good that you've realized this before you were too deep down the road at least and the withdrawals are only psychological (from what I've understood). You're in college, there's so many other ways you can have fun this year and so many other things to focus on. It'll be tough at first, but give yourself time, stay strong regarding staying sober and try to focus on your studies/sports/meeting new people etc. In the end it'll get your mind off it and it will really help :)
 
Thank you everyone for the replies and support. it is very much appreciated. Let me type this quickly before class starts.

Today I feel decent, but of course still crave. And yes, they are pyschological withdrawals and not physical. It is indeed all in my head, as a previous bluelighter said. I just need to remain strong and get through this. Start having REAL fun doing other things, even if it means i have to squirm around in my seat in class and kiss one of my favorite things ever goodbye. It is absolutely worth it, and hopefully I will look back at myself a year from now and wonder how I could ever let a chemical take such control over me.

Ok so now I want your guys honest opinion. I also have quit smoking weed (for the most part, ive smoked a couple times with some friends this week) since moving to college. Im sure if i put some effort into it, i could get an 8th. Half of me thinks it will really help control my cravings and make me not think about the harder stufff. But the other half says THAT IS A DRUG TOO, DONT DO IT. I feel like it might set my pyschological recovery back even more? IDK. I dont think it will hurt, but it also probably wont help.

Anyways im going to drink this protein shake and start walking to class. The advantages of living on campus. Also, I now have NetFlix. Hopefully i will become addicted to LOST or 24!??? haaa. I didnt want to start watching Breaking Bad for obvioius reasons. Hope to hear from EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU AGAIN. see ya later.
 
Being able to smoke weed would really depend on how you can control yourself, I think. I mean, for some people it's entirely possible to give up one drug and recreationally use another (especially if it's weed), for others it isn't. For instance I have completely given up benzos after getting way too addicted and will probably end up doing the same with opiates but I can still use uppers (and weed has never been a problem). Though I would recommend you stay away from it for a couple weeks maybe, until you're more stable regarding the opana.
 
Yes, it would be better to stay away from all psychoactive drugs for some time. Otherwise you're in danger of trading addictions. As for me, I can't even stand smoking weed on its own since I'm clean from benzos & opiates. It feels awful.
 
problem is your brain never forgets the high. Because it releases all these great feelings and your brain is so happy it burns it into every core of your being.

Then it wants it again and again and it learns how to get it, it learns what buttons to push to trip you up and trigger you into using again. Its sick. Drugs are sick :P what they do to you makes it so hard.

Fact is you can't get high again right? Excepting that is hard because even if you except it your brain may not. So try to find ways to get high sober... you can drink, smoke cigs, work out, get natural rushes. Like raising, or running, or fighting... I dunno I have a lack of good ideas on this one... but look for legal ways to get high and replace that drug high because you got lots of shit to look forward to you know it I know it so enjoy your life...

After time you will get over the high, it takes along time though your brain doesn't want to forget
 
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I know not everyone subscribes to the AA/NA notion of addiction...but if you read what they say about it (and there are like...a shit ton of addicts that support the view), addiction ISN'T about how much or how frequently you use. At the end of the road, the amount and the frequency are certainly dead giveaways, but AA refers to the cravings (which you've already mentioned) and NA talks about the obsession and compulsion surrounding use.

You've already mentioned the cravings and the obsession running through your head...if you had some pills right in front of you, would you feel compelled to use them or could you walk away?

The answer to that question...the REAL answer not the answer you'd like to believe...that is a pretty good indicator for what continued drug use, especially opiate use, has in store for you.

Take it from the people that have been there.

ALSO:

Do as you will, different strokes for different folks and all that...but as someone who has been "drug-free" a million different ways...marijuana maintenance, alcohol, just on weekends, whatever else you can think of... the only way of doing things where I ever grew as a person, where one drug didn't lead to another back to my primary addiction, where I didn't feel some kind of negative effect on my life from whatever I was using...the only way was to be legit drug free. The catches and loopholes of all the other plays...they eventually catch up.

I was about where you were when I got to college...by age 19, I did oxys several times a week and missed them when they were gone, by 20 I had started to move to heroin, by 21 I was a full blown needle junkie. I graduated when I was 23 with honors, and by the time I was 24 I was unemployable, usually homeless or on someone's couch, a thief, a fucking wreck. Been to rehab 4-5 times depending on how you look at it, and the cost of the times that weren't on the state's tab was like 10s of thousands of dollars that my parents shelled out to try to save my life. In and out of homeless shelters..shit.

I'm just about 28 now, and I have just about a year clean. Best decision I ever made.

You don't have to let it go that far.
 
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Arcarsenal, thank you for that view. It is a view that I do share, and I admit that I am in fact addicted and I would do the hell out of any pills in front of me now. But my goal is to stay away from it, one day at a time. It will be six days since i last used tomorrow, right around the normal time I would do it again. But I really believe I can turn that 6 days into 12 days, and then 24. And by that time it will be easier to not think about by the day.

I really do want to quit. It is to the point where I feel guilty after every time I use, and I think that is a big step. The thoughts of not doing it anymore and focusing 100% of my energy on positive aspects of my life (school, workingout, social relationships) are now begining to outweight the happy and pleasurable thoughts I used to associate with opana. And this is due to how much I DO NOT want it to turn into a full blown addiction. I like to believe I am more aware than most.

Luckily for me I have one good friend that hooks me up most of the time, and I plan to explain to him I am really wanting to quit. Hopefully he will respect that and not offer it. But if he does, then will come my first REAL test of will.

Again thank you all for your input, especially those who offered deep thought and personal experience. It makes me feel empowered that other people are out there willing to help a total stranger.
 
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