MyDoorsAreOpen
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2003
- Messages
- 8,542
I'm going to attempt to put into words as best I can the deepest, darkest k hole I've ever been down, about 36 hours ago. It is without a doubt the most existentially terrifying AND existentially exhilirating experience I think I have ever had, drug-induced or not. It's kind of like getting picked up into the air by your creepy uncle when you're a toddler and getting strapped in with him on the loopiest, scariest roller coaster in an amusement park -- foundation-shaking, but oddly fond in retrospect. I think this experience is going to stay with me and influence my philosophy of life for some time to come.
I have now snorted k five times. Twice the effects were very mild. Twice they were decently strong (+2 or +3) experiences. One of these included a shallow k hole that I kept falling back into, but both were overall quite positive, definitely piquing my interest for further experimentation. Saturday night I paid approximately the same average cost for a pill of e for a little baggie of ketamine about 1cm square. I had also had had 3 pints of beer, a fairly strong hit of acid, and one clean pill of MDMA that night, but all 3 had worn off hours before. I had recently had a strong hit of marijuana, which was still quite active. I ended up accidentally hooting the entire baggie in one giant, painful, especially dribbly snort. This one was a +5, I was about to find out.
I think the first thing I noticed was that the world was going 2 dimensional. Heheh... cool. I remember this effect. This one's going to be cool. I lay back on the grass and put my hands under my head. Ok, there seems to be this entity of some sort communicating with me, but (s)he's nowhere I can see. "I say young man, you want me to fix that e comedown? Sure thing, I'll just need to get out my pinking shears and kinkykinky GINKY GINKY!!!"
Uh..... WTF. This lady (at this point I've decided the entity speaking to me is like a frumpy middle aged woman) is cutting up my world with orange-handled pinking shears, similar to what I've read about in a lot of salvia trips. I also get the hint that she speaks in riddles and rhymes, and that the process of mitigating the damage of an MDMA experience involves departing perpendicular from the axis of bliss and depression, into the dimension of pure weirdness. And suddenly I realize my hands aren't under my head anymore because I don't really have hands or a head in the traditional sense anymore really, for I too am two dimensional and very much a part of this fragmented, 2 dimensional world that's getting torn apart. The last wisp of my stream of consciousness said something along the lines of, 'well, I guess I better just go with this...'
At this point I have absolutely no recollection of having taken any drug. My feet have left the ground long ago. No -- indeed, what I'm being shown is reality as it always has been, but that I've never been able to see before, due to my human biology. It's as if Jim Carrey's character from the movie "The Truman Show" has stepped backstage, and the workers there are like, 'So, you wanna see what goes on beneath the surface of all you perceive to be true and real? Heheh... let's take this fresh-faced kid for a little ride!'
All three strong ketamine trips I've done have had a strong theme of getting right to the bottom of what raw existence is, and what my consciousness is made of, when stripped of everything. The stripping done in this particular k hole was fast and brutal. I was losing it all. I had to let go of every single form I could conjure up in my head as just a figment my previous illusions about reality. I saw myself become and experience the world as simply a line on a grid, a note of music, the surface of the earth looking out at the sky, a drop of liquid, and many, many more odd entities I don't typically think of as sentient or self aware. As none of these entities bore any resemblance to a human being, I was unable to speak or really even think in words, or think at all, while existing as them -- I could do nought but ... be. Until I morphed into something else. But everything I turned into, no matter whether tiny like an elementary particle or larger or more sophisticated, was invariably two (or fewer) dimensional.
Every so often words would cross my consciousness. But they were like a radio DJ's words between songs-- sparse and scattered. The sky was perhaps the most interesting part of it all. At the beginning of the experience, dawn was just about to break, and the sky was a deep blue, almost black. Its color gradually changed to a bright pink, and all through the trip it became a stage on which numerous images came and went. Some of them had to do with my life, but viewed as if from afar and unfamiliar, as if I were seeing the story of a complete stranger. Because now I wasn't him. I was the sky.
For years, eons maybe, a strip or giant wheel of images would spin across my consciousness, like several celluloid film strips rolling by me side by side, each frame containing a different realm of some sort. I'd always try to pick a new one to go into, but most times ended up with this odd one of an animal of some sort inhabiting the grassy slope of a tropical island on a 2-dimensional planet that seemed vaguely familiar. There was another similar animal sitting there too, who also seemed vaguely familiar. I remember thinking that if I had to take any of these realities for good, that one might be a halfway decent compromise. But then that world would fold and crinkle up like a map, I'd have a sense of falling, and I'd be back out at the scrolling rolls of film.
I had no sense of time whatsoever. 2.5 hours passed before I began to get a lingering sense that I might have taken a drug, and was able to interact with my friend. She asked me if I was OK. I looked at her, and her face looked distorted, with small slits for eyes and indescribably 'animal-like', and barely mustered, with a swollen, uncooperative tongue, 'Thuuuh... I'm in a k hole.' At times, when my sense of reality was returning in spurts, it seemed to flow in fast motion and with garbled sound, as in a fast-forwarded video. All in all it seemed like 10~30 minutes MAX between the time I snorted the drug and the time an old Veteran waved his hands in my face and said, 'park's closed. Gotta get up and leave.'
Until then, the world where I was an animal sitting with a few others on a grassy slope became less weird and more frequent and palatable. But any time I wanted, I could fall back physically, and at the same time fall back into the madness I'd experienced earlier, albeit in a slightly less scary form.
When I finally had to get up, I was able to coherently ask anyone if they had any sugar source they could give me. I was given a tootsie roll pop, which tasted bad and didn't dissolve readily on my dry tongue. I can now say definitively that sugar is not an antidote to large doses of k, at least not a very fast one.
I ended up dry heaving, bringing up nothing but stomach juices and some remnants of k powder which had ended up swallowed and in my stomach (bleh!). I then k-walked a mile to a place I could crash, feeling kind of paranoid among sober people, and seeing double, which reminded me a lot of walking on DXM. I crashed hard, but woke up 3 hours later feeling in a refreshed-ish state strongly resembling, and a second-rate stand in for, baseline sobriety. That's the best way I can put it. I had to be social and full of intelligent conversation that day, and although I did feel a touch flat emotionally and had a raspy voice, it wasn't a blue or twacked out day in the least. Truth be told, a boring day in a sleepy small town felt like a refreshing change. I wasn't immune to the occasional touch of joy. It certainly wan't any state that couldn't be provoked by, oh, 18 hours of intense activity with only 3 hours of sleep.
I have no comedown from the LSD or MDMA whatsoever, and that's the important part.
I slept like a baby for 10 hours last night, and today feel a little but dumb and still ever so slightly... different. Maybe something in me has changed for good, only time will tell. They say the doors that psychedelics open can never again be closed.
The most positive element to this experience was the impact on my sense of reality: it confirmed my suspicion that my consciousness is a property of the great oneness all around me, that forms and reforms in many different forms, of which my present self as a bipedal animal on a green planet is but one. This is indeed a shaman's tool and a medicine, not a toy. One must be prepared to leave absolutely everything at the door with this one.
I'm going to be much more careful with my doses of this drug in the future, especially if I'm doing it with other people. I strangely have no regrets AT ALL about this decidedly strange encounter with the fringes of reality. But I don't want it if I'm not expecting it.
substancecode_MDMA
substancecode_ketamine
_combo_
I have now snorted k five times. Twice the effects were very mild. Twice they were decently strong (+2 or +3) experiences. One of these included a shallow k hole that I kept falling back into, but both were overall quite positive, definitely piquing my interest for further experimentation. Saturday night I paid approximately the same average cost for a pill of e for a little baggie of ketamine about 1cm square. I had also had had 3 pints of beer, a fairly strong hit of acid, and one clean pill of MDMA that night, but all 3 had worn off hours before. I had recently had a strong hit of marijuana, which was still quite active. I ended up accidentally hooting the entire baggie in one giant, painful, especially dribbly snort. This one was a +5, I was about to find out.
I think the first thing I noticed was that the world was going 2 dimensional. Heheh... cool. I remember this effect. This one's going to be cool. I lay back on the grass and put my hands under my head. Ok, there seems to be this entity of some sort communicating with me, but (s)he's nowhere I can see. "I say young man, you want me to fix that e comedown? Sure thing, I'll just need to get out my pinking shears and kinkykinky GINKY GINKY!!!"
Uh..... WTF. This lady (at this point I've decided the entity speaking to me is like a frumpy middle aged woman) is cutting up my world with orange-handled pinking shears, similar to what I've read about in a lot of salvia trips. I also get the hint that she speaks in riddles and rhymes, and that the process of mitigating the damage of an MDMA experience involves departing perpendicular from the axis of bliss and depression, into the dimension of pure weirdness. And suddenly I realize my hands aren't under my head anymore because I don't really have hands or a head in the traditional sense anymore really, for I too am two dimensional and very much a part of this fragmented, 2 dimensional world that's getting torn apart. The last wisp of my stream of consciousness said something along the lines of, 'well, I guess I better just go with this...'
At this point I have absolutely no recollection of having taken any drug. My feet have left the ground long ago. No -- indeed, what I'm being shown is reality as it always has been, but that I've never been able to see before, due to my human biology. It's as if Jim Carrey's character from the movie "The Truman Show" has stepped backstage, and the workers there are like, 'So, you wanna see what goes on beneath the surface of all you perceive to be true and real? Heheh... let's take this fresh-faced kid for a little ride!'
All three strong ketamine trips I've done have had a strong theme of getting right to the bottom of what raw existence is, and what my consciousness is made of, when stripped of everything. The stripping done in this particular k hole was fast and brutal. I was losing it all. I had to let go of every single form I could conjure up in my head as just a figment my previous illusions about reality. I saw myself become and experience the world as simply a line on a grid, a note of music, the surface of the earth looking out at the sky, a drop of liquid, and many, many more odd entities I don't typically think of as sentient or self aware. As none of these entities bore any resemblance to a human being, I was unable to speak or really even think in words, or think at all, while existing as them -- I could do nought but ... be. Until I morphed into something else. But everything I turned into, no matter whether tiny like an elementary particle or larger or more sophisticated, was invariably two (or fewer) dimensional.
Every so often words would cross my consciousness. But they were like a radio DJ's words between songs-- sparse and scattered. The sky was perhaps the most interesting part of it all. At the beginning of the experience, dawn was just about to break, and the sky was a deep blue, almost black. Its color gradually changed to a bright pink, and all through the trip it became a stage on which numerous images came and went. Some of them had to do with my life, but viewed as if from afar and unfamiliar, as if I were seeing the story of a complete stranger. Because now I wasn't him. I was the sky.
For years, eons maybe, a strip or giant wheel of images would spin across my consciousness, like several celluloid film strips rolling by me side by side, each frame containing a different realm of some sort. I'd always try to pick a new one to go into, but most times ended up with this odd one of an animal of some sort inhabiting the grassy slope of a tropical island on a 2-dimensional planet that seemed vaguely familiar. There was another similar animal sitting there too, who also seemed vaguely familiar. I remember thinking that if I had to take any of these realities for good, that one might be a halfway decent compromise. But then that world would fold and crinkle up like a map, I'd have a sense of falling, and I'd be back out at the scrolling rolls of film.
I had no sense of time whatsoever. 2.5 hours passed before I began to get a lingering sense that I might have taken a drug, and was able to interact with my friend. She asked me if I was OK. I looked at her, and her face looked distorted, with small slits for eyes and indescribably 'animal-like', and barely mustered, with a swollen, uncooperative tongue, 'Thuuuh... I'm in a k hole.' At times, when my sense of reality was returning in spurts, it seemed to flow in fast motion and with garbled sound, as in a fast-forwarded video. All in all it seemed like 10~30 minutes MAX between the time I snorted the drug and the time an old Veteran waved his hands in my face and said, 'park's closed. Gotta get up and leave.'
Until then, the world where I was an animal sitting with a few others on a grassy slope became less weird and more frequent and palatable. But any time I wanted, I could fall back physically, and at the same time fall back into the madness I'd experienced earlier, albeit in a slightly less scary form.
When I finally had to get up, I was able to coherently ask anyone if they had any sugar source they could give me. I was given a tootsie roll pop, which tasted bad and didn't dissolve readily on my dry tongue. I can now say definitively that sugar is not an antidote to large doses of k, at least not a very fast one.
I ended up dry heaving, bringing up nothing but stomach juices and some remnants of k powder which had ended up swallowed and in my stomach (bleh!). I then k-walked a mile to a place I could crash, feeling kind of paranoid among sober people, and seeing double, which reminded me a lot of walking on DXM. I crashed hard, but woke up 3 hours later feeling in a refreshed-ish state strongly resembling, and a second-rate stand in for, baseline sobriety. That's the best way I can put it. I had to be social and full of intelligent conversation that day, and although I did feel a touch flat emotionally and had a raspy voice, it wasn't a blue or twacked out day in the least. Truth be told, a boring day in a sleepy small town felt like a refreshing change. I wasn't immune to the occasional touch of joy. It certainly wan't any state that couldn't be provoked by, oh, 18 hours of intense activity with only 3 hours of sleep.
I have no comedown from the LSD or MDMA whatsoever, and that's the important part.I slept like a baby for 10 hours last night, and today feel a little but dumb and still ever so slightly... different. Maybe something in me has changed for good, only time will tell. They say the doors that psychedelics open can never again be closed.
The most positive element to this experience was the impact on my sense of reality: it confirmed my suspicion that my consciousness is a property of the great oneness all around me, that forms and reforms in many different forms, of which my present self as a bipedal animal on a green planet is but one. This is indeed a shaman's tool and a medicine, not a toy. One must be prepared to leave absolutely everything at the door with this one.
I'm going to be much more careful with my doses of this drug in the future, especially if I'm doing it with other people. I strangely have no regrets AT ALL about this decidedly strange encounter with the fringes of reality. But I don't want it if I'm not expecting it.
substancecode_MDMA
substancecode_ketamine
_combo_
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