I did have one other time where ketamine helped me rid addiction in a very special, almost supernatural way: http://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=41759
But, as time went on, I tended to think less and less of it, eventually forgetting it (subconsciously, maybe on purpose). I had the money, I had the stress, and I had the cravings. So I would buy oc40's, percs, methadone. I always seemed to slyly trick myself into setting limits that never worked. And, I've found these days, since my brain might be altered from all the withdrawal times I've had in the past, that I am much more sensitive to withdrawal: it comes on much quicker, after using as little as 2 or 3 times. In the past, 3 weeks of fentanyl/oxy everyday was enough to put me into a mild withdrawal that now doing a oc40 one day then the next will do.
Its caused a sickening amount of money loss over the months. I estimate my opiate consumption cost in my life is well over 2000$, maybe 3000$.
The other night, after the second day clean after a little binge, using off and on, mostly on for about 8/10 days, I decided to take another K hole IM adventure dose. The cravings for more opiates were very strong and I was slightly worried I'd say fuck it and buy more.
So I measure about 125mg of K, cook it up on a spoon with saline, inject IM into leg, and lay back. What happened next I could never describe well, no one could.
I start to separate from my body, I felt once again that merging with pure consciousness, getting to the source of our strange existance as humans. Then towards the peak, I lose my body and awareness of who I am. I began to be shown images of early life, leading up to higher life in a slideshow of evolutionary history. I start to wonder if I will make it out of this alive; I think I must be getting all this information and secrets of life because I'm going to die.
As the intensity fades somewhat, I began to have more personal insights. Like how my mind has subconsciously blocked out memories of my pain and suffering with opiates and only remembered the good highs. I had completely forgotten by now about that amazing mystical journey I had wrote on erowid.
I suddenly remember the trip report and stumble to my computer and try to read it.
***
This trip report is lacking, because I estimate when I return to my body and exit the K-hole, I only remember .01% of what happened, which fades to .0001% the next day. I know I had tons of other amazing insights.
The ideas and insights of that journey 4 days ago have stuck to me. I am against recreational use of opiates for myself. I have no cravings at all, which is amazing. I associated opiates with pain, desparation, and money loss while on K. It has really stuck, and I don't see myself ever giving in to that shit again unless in serious pain.
But, as time went on, I tended to think less and less of it, eventually forgetting it (subconsciously, maybe on purpose). I had the money, I had the stress, and I had the cravings. So I would buy oc40's, percs, methadone. I always seemed to slyly trick myself into setting limits that never worked. And, I've found these days, since my brain might be altered from all the withdrawal times I've had in the past, that I am much more sensitive to withdrawal: it comes on much quicker, after using as little as 2 or 3 times. In the past, 3 weeks of fentanyl/oxy everyday was enough to put me into a mild withdrawal that now doing a oc40 one day then the next will do.
Its caused a sickening amount of money loss over the months. I estimate my opiate consumption cost in my life is well over 2000$, maybe 3000$.
The other night, after the second day clean after a little binge, using off and on, mostly on for about 8/10 days, I decided to take another K hole IM adventure dose. The cravings for more opiates were very strong and I was slightly worried I'd say fuck it and buy more.
So I measure about 125mg of K, cook it up on a spoon with saline, inject IM into leg, and lay back. What happened next I could never describe well, no one could.
I start to separate from my body, I felt once again that merging with pure consciousness, getting to the source of our strange existance as humans. Then towards the peak, I lose my body and awareness of who I am. I began to be shown images of early life, leading up to higher life in a slideshow of evolutionary history. I start to wonder if I will make it out of this alive; I think I must be getting all this information and secrets of life because I'm going to die.
As the intensity fades somewhat, I began to have more personal insights. Like how my mind has subconsciously blocked out memories of my pain and suffering with opiates and only remembered the good highs. I had completely forgotten by now about that amazing mystical journey I had wrote on erowid.
I suddenly remember the trip report and stumble to my computer and try to read it.
***
This trip report is lacking, because I estimate when I return to my body and exit the K-hole, I only remember .01% of what happened, which fades to .0001% the next day. I know I had tons of other amazing insights.
The ideas and insights of that journey 4 days ago have stuck to me. I am against recreational use of opiates for myself. I have no cravings at all, which is amazing. I associated opiates with pain, desparation, and money loss while on K. It has really stuck, and I don't see myself ever giving in to that shit again unless in serious pain.
it!
