Ketamine dreams

[cornollio]

ketamine dreams,
and these flowers personify my feelings
there wilted, and there fleeting
with each second we're teething like children,
into the next, sequence of events
privilaged and blessed
yet were shackeled and in distress, subjectivly
whatever thought leads to the next
the moment where you are on the fence, to the moment you feel incomplete
the grass is greener, but the fertilizer has that putred smell of defeat
the silver lining, that you can buy packaged and scarf down in your seat, while watching t.v.
its exactly like the picture,
and you have it because you've seen it
and not becuase you dreamt of a world without it
yet you concieved a world where everyone didnt have it, except you
and you could taste the victory, you could almost turn blue, tickled with satisfaction
your gloat is percieved as a involuntary action, and we pass through the day
your victory dance is just another thing i portray in a montage of fate
we crawl through the days
and you still dance on defeat
how cowardly are we


you can critique if you want to , im always open to critisism.

 

[preacha]

spellcheck

 

[l0ckd0wn]

spellcheck

Unfortunately... I agree...

However I do like the imagery and wording... when not out of context!

Good job mate!

 

[cornollio]

what part is out of context? im not getting defensive, just wondering what part doesnt seem to fit. as the writer i cant really see those things sometimes, because i'm impartial to my work, ya dig? editing is important to me

 

[(Wordy)]

I don't think anything's too far out of context... to me it flows pretty well as a stream of consciousness. Was it written off the cuff, or did you go back and change things after you wrote it?

I like these lines in particular:

yet you concieved a world where everyone didnt have it, except you
and you could taste the victory, you could almost turn blue, tickled with satisfaction

 

[cornollio]

i was in a very weird state of mind, and was a free flow of thoughts, it has meaning metaphorically to the state of being me and my company are in currently, that ive been thinking alot about latley. i actually had conceptions about what i wanted to say before writing it, i was sitting next to the flowers i gave my g/f for valentines day, and we were a perfect mirror image.