not_broken_420
Bluelighter
The other night, I did about 200 mg of ketamine throughout the night. Right after doing the first tenth, I was lying in bed and C came in the room, and I asked him to stay but he said he had to go do something. At that point I realized I needed to find something within my self instead of with other people. When I did the first tenth I had an amazing trip, lying on my back under a big down comforter with a blinking light thing balanced on my forehead. The light really helped my trip, enhancing the closed-eye visuals. I was listening to some amazing music. I don't know if it's just electronic music, but K seems to make music sound extra amazing. At one point I felt like a part of a strand of DNA, part of this immense spiral. Then I felt like I was rolling around, even though I knew my physical body was lying down. It was pretty fun at this point, being able to do whatever I wanted without the confines of my body.
Later on in the night after I had done about 100 more mg of K, A and C were smoking DMT. I had smoked it 3 times prior, and only had a really intense experience once. This time I felt like I was truly ready for the full experience after some introspection while on the K. I was lying down in bed, calming my mind so I would be completely open and receptive to the experience. We didn't have a bong at the time, so I smoked it in a bowl with some weed. (I know this is not the best way to do it, but it sure as hell worked for me.) A put on really relaxing music. I hit the bowl a few times until I could tell I didn't need any more. At first I felt like my body was being taken apart cell by cell, dissolving, but it was a smooth feeling, not like the pins & needles on salvia. This is the point, in my other experiences, where I shut down and everything went black. A had told me to ask him to leave if I wanted him to. “Leave,” I said to him. "No, stay.” It felt right. I kept going...I started feeling my body with my hands, for some reason afraid I had pissed myself, as I had been last time I did DMT, because of the loss of your body. I then was overcome by a sense of warmth, and being whole. It was like an accordion of different dimensions was going in front of my face with the most beautiful designs and fractals I’ve ever seen. I really could not believe what was happening in front of me; I was in complete awe. I remembered what C said about eternity and it really did seem to be stretching on forever. There was no end to these dimensions I was seeing. I was being treated to the universe’s best 3-d slideshow.
Someone/something was over me telling me it was okay. I was thinking, "I KNOW this is the truth, no matter what anyone says." No matter who calls is a drug-induced delusion. It’s far less “delusion” than religion. (Although now I am definitely reconsidering how we toss around words like "reality,” “hallucination,” etc.). It made me feel complete and whole. The difference is DMT just IS. It isn’t trying to sell you on anything or convince you to do something. It's just telling you you are entitled to all this and you can just BE.
Then it was as if my "third eye" was literally being pried open. I almost expected pain, but there was none. This "opening" was accompanied by visuals of triangles. Maybe it’s cliche, but it was very "Alex Grey." Lots of blue at this point. I remember seeing pyramids and thinking of Egypt. I saw a figure/sculpture of a man, and all this stuff was circling around him; I don’t remember what it was.
I was wondering what I had to do, how to spread this, or whatever, and was "told" (not in words) that I didn’t have to do anything, just to be..be without reservations or limits, be without .. anything and I became a wrought iron angel type figurine spinning with a bunch of others on a horizontal pole. I expanded over everything, complete oneness.
I could open my eyes and see A, so I closed them again and it continued. It seemed the wonders would never stop. My breath caught in my chest. I stayed until I felt I was ready to go and cry. I had known I would cry when I came back. I felt like I ended it when I was ready. I realized that what I had been "on the brink of" had just happened. I had been searching, till this point, to fill some void I denied even having anymore (I’ve struggled with depression) with anything I could. Sex, drugs, new house, great friends, that connection with another human being that would somehow validate all this experience. Well, I knew earlier that day that I would have to find that in myself. I think the ketamine allowed me to come to THAT realization when C was leaving and I asked him to stay.
I feel like the ketamine really allowed me to get mentally prepared for the DMT. After the trip, I was just lying on the bed hugging A and crying from sheer joy and amazement. I have never experienced something so amazingly beautiful in my life.
substancecode_ketamine
substancecode_DMT
_combo_
Later on in the night after I had done about 100 more mg of K, A and C were smoking DMT. I had smoked it 3 times prior, and only had a really intense experience once. This time I felt like I was truly ready for the full experience after some introspection while on the K. I was lying down in bed, calming my mind so I would be completely open and receptive to the experience. We didn't have a bong at the time, so I smoked it in a bowl with some weed. (I know this is not the best way to do it, but it sure as hell worked for me.) A put on really relaxing music. I hit the bowl a few times until I could tell I didn't need any more. At first I felt like my body was being taken apart cell by cell, dissolving, but it was a smooth feeling, not like the pins & needles on salvia. This is the point, in my other experiences, where I shut down and everything went black. A had told me to ask him to leave if I wanted him to. “Leave,” I said to him. "No, stay.” It felt right. I kept going...I started feeling my body with my hands, for some reason afraid I had pissed myself, as I had been last time I did DMT, because of the loss of your body. I then was overcome by a sense of warmth, and being whole. It was like an accordion of different dimensions was going in front of my face with the most beautiful designs and fractals I’ve ever seen. I really could not believe what was happening in front of me; I was in complete awe. I remembered what C said about eternity and it really did seem to be stretching on forever. There was no end to these dimensions I was seeing. I was being treated to the universe’s best 3-d slideshow.
Someone/something was over me telling me it was okay. I was thinking, "I KNOW this is the truth, no matter what anyone says." No matter who calls is a drug-induced delusion. It’s far less “delusion” than religion. (Although now I am definitely reconsidering how we toss around words like "reality,” “hallucination,” etc.). It made me feel complete and whole. The difference is DMT just IS. It isn’t trying to sell you on anything or convince you to do something. It's just telling you you are entitled to all this and you can just BE.
Then it was as if my "third eye" was literally being pried open. I almost expected pain, but there was none. This "opening" was accompanied by visuals of triangles. Maybe it’s cliche, but it was very "Alex Grey." Lots of blue at this point. I remember seeing pyramids and thinking of Egypt. I saw a figure/sculpture of a man, and all this stuff was circling around him; I don’t remember what it was.
I was wondering what I had to do, how to spread this, or whatever, and was "told" (not in words) that I didn’t have to do anything, just to be..be without reservations or limits, be without .. anything and I became a wrought iron angel type figurine spinning with a bunch of others on a horizontal pole. I expanded over everything, complete oneness.
I could open my eyes and see A, so I closed them again and it continued. It seemed the wonders would never stop. My breath caught in my chest. I stayed until I felt I was ready to go and cry. I had known I would cry when I came back. I felt like I ended it when I was ready. I realized that what I had been "on the brink of" had just happened. I had been searching, till this point, to fill some void I denied even having anymore (I’ve struggled with depression) with anything I could. Sex, drugs, new house, great friends, that connection with another human being that would somehow validate all this experience. Well, I knew earlier that day that I would have to find that in myself. I think the ketamine allowed me to come to THAT realization when C was leaving and I asked him to stay.
I feel like the ketamine really allowed me to get mentally prepared for the DMT. After the trip, I was just lying on the bed hugging A and crying from sheer joy and amazement. I have never experienced something so amazingly beautiful in my life.
substancecode_ketamine
substancecode_DMT
_combo_
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