Ketamine Addiction... Please Help...

[Rastahund]

Hi all,
I've gotten myself into a place that I never thought I would be in. I don't know what to do or how to get out of it! I've been using ketamine on and off for about 6 years but ever since February of this year, my supply got really cheap and really constant. I haven't gone a single day without ketamine since then and every time I try to stop, disaster follows. My boyfriend has become just as, if not more, addicted than I am. My relationship and life is falling apart. Every time I get high, I feel like I'm in the darkest place in my head, like my life is about to end... but for some reason, I just need more k. Whenever I can't provide k for my boyfriend anymore, he gets really irritable and huge fights happen... breaking things, threatening to move out, hitting, screaming.... I'm in thousands of dollars of debt with friends and connects because I kept manipulating ways to get more and more k.
I want to stop.
I don't know where to start.
Can someone give me advice?

I'm experiencing stomach ulcers... the most horrible pain I've ever had in my life and I know it's from the k. It hurts the pit of my stomach, my back, my whole abdomen... The only thing that helps the pain is wheat grass shots from Keva Juice but it doesn't cure it. I don't want to go to the doctor, I don't want my family to know about this...

I keep editing the post... I suppose its a bit of a rant. I feel so distant from the people in my life, from everything... No motivation to do anything ever. I always feel out of it and discontent because the k high doesn't feel good anymore... it feels bad. Has anyone else experienced this? Is there anything I can do to help myself feel better?

 

[Allein]

I've know a number of people who got into this state, in the Uk in the late 90s Ketamine really started to get popular, no one thought it was addictive or habit forming but it soon decimated the free party scene and it was clear people were using a great deal, the phrase Techno Smack seemed accurate.

It will cause bladder damage in chronic use, the drip gets into your system and can cause serious harm, you will need medical treatment and assessment,in some cases surgery is required so don't pretend these symptoms will clear up o their own.

Clearly you both need to stop using, I'm not aware of any kind of treatment program and I do not believe there are withdrawals in the traditional sense but it is very habit forming and people are dependent in some way, I know a number of people that managed to kick daily use and recovered in time.

Have you sought and advice from drug addiction services ? ( I live in the Uk so I don't know what you might have access to)

Are you taking any medication for your ulcers ?

are you experiencing bladder issues ?

I'm sure it all looks pretty bleak now but you can get off this stuff and whilst you may have caused some physical damage you will heal in time, come back to us on the above, it feels like this time is crucial and you could start to turn the corner if you really want to

 

[herbavore]

When your whole life feels like it is falling apart you are actually in a very good place to make drastic changes. Maybe it is best at this point for you and your boyfriend to go separate ways--it can't help either one of you to be addicted to the same thing and it doesn't sound like he wants to quit.

It is doubtful that your family doesn't already know something is going on even if they don't know the specifics. Maybe they would help if they were granted the trust to do so? Only you know your family but don't underestimate the power of love most parents have to draw on when their children are in trouble.

You are in extreme physical danger and you need to take extreme measures--both medical and psychological. Get to a doctor (everything is confidential) and ask for referral for addiction services. I don't know what country you are in so I can't advise more specifically. You can put this far behind you if you get support and keep your intentions clear.

 

[Rastahund]

I'm not taking medication for the ulcers... I suppose I don't even know if I have ulcers. It's just a guess. I haven't done any ketamine for two days... I have only experienced a very mild form of the stomach pains in these past two days and that was when I took 4 200mg Ibuprofen pills for intense PMS cramping. The stomach pains only lasted a good 30 minutes and were gone... haven't experienced again since. I'm wondering if the pains I was getting are just insane stomach acidity or the fabled "K-cramps". I'm feeling better right now... much less negative, much less my life is falling apart... The crazy amount of debt I am in and the fact that my boyfriend broke my cell phone in a bout of rage the other day are still getting me really down. But I do feel better.
As for bladder troubles... I don't believe I have any lasting damage. I'm known to have urinary tract issues, even before the ketamine use but I haven't really been experiencing much of that lately. When I'm under the influence of ketamine, I have to pee many times and it's very urgent... small amounts every time. But my bladder seems to be holding urine normally for at least this past day. I don't know if that means I have damage or not.
As for my boyfriend, I think he realizes that maybe we need to go separate ways because he can't handle himself. I really, really don't want him to leave. Before I introduced him to my ketamine addiction, things were really good... But now whenever I don't provide him the ketamine, he is very very irritable and always has one foot out the door, ready to break up and move out. The fear of him leaving causes me to buy him more ketamine... I'm out of money to do that at this point though so I guess I'll have to see what he decides today.
I feel like things will go back to normal... I was on ketamine when I wrote the original post... I was feeling very negative. Not so much now. I'm ready for change. I just hope I don't lose my lover along the way.
Also, I'm in the USA. The state of New Mexico to be exact. There are addiction recovery services here but since we have such a heavy heroin problem, most of them are geared toward that, and alcohol as well. Most professionals here don't seem to realize that people even use ketamine recreationally.

 

[Allein]

It sounds like you may have avoided significant damage but do be monitor such things in the future in case you need medical treatment.

On a side note I would avoid Ibuprofen or any NSAID drugs, they will irritate you're stomach lining and make matters worse, APAP (Paracetamol) doesnt have such a problem but be sure not to exceed the recommended daily doses, in the UK thats 4g per 24Hrs but I belive US advice is now less as it can give the liver a hard time.

I assume you may well have dealt with minor urinary tract problems before, my partner used to suffer regularly and tried many things. In the end simply drinking loads of water seems to do the trick, again don't ignore this is it doesn't clear up, such things have been know to result in kidney infection.

The UK services are little better at anything other than alcohol or opiate addiction, ultimately you have to just stop using the stuff and it sounds like you've managed to do that ATM. If your relationship has become so intertwined with this drug use it may be better to pout some space between each other whilst you sort yourself out, you can't sacrifice your very self on the alter of the relationship and I doubt he would want that if he was thinking clearly.

Couples quitting an addiction together can work but IME often it doesn't, look after yourself, get free from this damaging drug abuse and back on an even keel.....you can do this. If he manages to do the same maybe one day you can be together again but, FWIW it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship just now.