SpellmanT7
Bluelighter
Jamshyd said:
Background : I think Jamshyd created a thread in which he asked the question that many of us are familiar with - why k-hole? Which qualities of a ketamine experience lend themselves to the word hole?
Well, after my trip two weeks ago with 238mg of ketamine and 2mg of dexedrine, I was a little apprehensive about tripping again. I did at least have nitrous oxide now but rather than staying sober the night before, I'd drunk enough wine to make me sick and had felt sluggish all day.
Knowing ketamine is physically taxing, I wondered how enjoyable the evening would be
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
I didn't make skip the preparation of my room this time and cleared all clutter into an empty bedroom, tidied up and cleared the floor of any objects. By the time I came to chop up the k, I was satisfied everything was in order - doors deadbolted, telephones switched off, post-k glass of water and cigarettes. Almost back to my strict SET and SETTING standards.
I'd intended to do 218mg, on the grounds that 238mg was too much last time.
Watching an episode of heroes, I popped the 18mg of concerta in my mouth when there was 15 minutes left of the show. The methylphenidate coating dissolved in my mouth and when heroes ended, I inhaled 3 balloons of nitrous - 6 x 16gm chargers worth.
I instantly felt calmer, the tiny trace of stimulation was present from the concerta (I only wanted the outer coating) and I preceeded to drag my mattress onto the floor.
I'd assessed both nostrils for suction potential about 30 minutes ago - it seemed they were equally good (I normally have one efficient one and one crappy one). I snorted the first of three lines of K with my right and found that it wasn't as good as I had thought. In addition, the lighting in my room is dreadful and I was all over the place. Regardless, I managed the 3 lines and theoretically got the whole 224mg¹.
On with the music - this time I'd gone for a gentle and passive track : 'Sunchyme' by 'Dario G'. As the taste of the drip (always toasted marshmallows
) manifested itself in my nose, I turned off the light, switched the music on, lay on the bed and closed my eyes.Ever waited for a scheduled bus in a small village? You'll be there a few minutes early, you know the bus will probably be late but you don't know how much longer it'll be, nor do you know where it is until it comes into sight.
This is exactly how I felt, as I lay there. Normally, the experience starts when the music turns into existence itself - aside from a mild sensation of 'ascension', the music was just a collection of instruments.
The track ended and I began to question where I was going - or if I was going anywhere at all. All I could do was lie there and wait.
Darkness hit me slowly but with some strength. The dissolution of reality began and I felt my body slide first, then my ego drained away. The first image that came to me was an OBE-like vision of the room but in the form of a pencilled sketch. I felt it was something of a token gesture - the bus was late and it wasn't travelling at the pace I'd expect it to¹¹.
At last, my doubts were gone - imagery like nothing on earth but akin to much I had seen before. Tunnels and passages twisted and turned as I was taken to star filled voids, trapped in vacuums of existence but this trip - this was gentle and pleasurable not so disjointed like others had been.
<memories from here to the next paragraph remain hazy and I will not attempt to describe them, such is my limited recall of their beauty and detail>
Movement slowed and my existence shifted to what seemed like a knowledge bank/museum. Could it really be??? It was - I realised what was happening, that I was accessing the now-defunct functions of the 85 million years of mankinds evolution.
The power initially overwhelmed me but still, there was no fear or distress. Society was automatically analysed by methods the 21st century brain isn't capable of doing (though, perhaps the deepest forms of meditation could allow?). Through seamlessly blended metaphors, the purpose of humanity was spelt out to me - though don't ask me to expand on that, it made sense to the entity that I was *then* but only remains as a wondrous memory now.
T+0:45 (estimate) : I take my first conscious breath, a signal that the trip is winding down but this time, I don't rush to regain control of my consciousness or leave the world I've been so happy inside.
I am provided with a degree of control over the OEVs I am seeing. At first, I am shown incredibly detailed images of my bedroom at various points of my life. A primary feature in these involves past periods of a squalid existence, the floor littered with inaccesible books, beer bottles and dozens of glasses. One image shows a specific state of neglect and I recognise the arrangement of shelves (since removed) and bottles as being a perfect representation of a snapshot of 1998/9 - every item of furniture is situated exactly as it had been, the mess is instantly reminiscent of a period where I had little desire to clean or keep the room in order.
With greater control, comes a previously unmalleable manipulation of the images. I decide to elevate the bed I am lying on and the visions reflect this as the litter around me is now 2-3 feet below me. I open my eyes for the first time...
I have always felt that CEVs are incredible and IME almost always exceed OEVs - the fact being that reality can dismiss fantasy in an instant. This is not the case here. With my eyes open, my bed is still several feet above the ground and the objects are still proportionally further from my view. I close my eyes again and attempt to enter the mind of someone else (hell - if you don't try, how will you ever know what is possible). The intended target is a woman I currently have a crush on (albeit an overly-rationalised one - no teenage infatuation here).
I visualise a room in her house but I feel an active resistance. At first, I feel she is actively blocking me attempt but then, my brain tells me that intruding into the mind of another is wrong so I stop.
Eyes opened again - I see the room around me, still littered with glasses and bottles. Each and every item is still perfectly represented and moving my head shows that the image is 3-dimensionally flawless. The clarity is unlike anything I've seen on psychedelics - the textures, density and outlines make them seem as real as it gets.
I close my eyes and seek 'pleasure'. The head of a beautiful woman appears, hovering above a black circle. I mold her into my idea of perfection but struggle to create a body. Eventually I manage to form this but now I am transported backwards, almost into the unconscious realm.
I find myself at the birth of reality. Particles of matter are glowing before me and I question what went wrong when humanity became so anti-social, so uncaring for their fellow man. The answer appears with a re-arrangement of the particles - obsession with procreation above all else. This fades away and I feel my time in the ketamine realm is over.
Looking down at the floor, eyes open, I see my familiar 'curtain call' to protracted ketamine trips - the visions are replaced by whiteness and the floor and everywhere I look become painted over. The texture is of white emulsion paint, which creeps over each and every object I can see in the limited light. I acknowledge the end of the adventure.
As I rise, I feel the normal weakness/disorientation in my legs. Getting to my feet I feel the 'robo-walk' effect, so often mentioned with dxm.
POST TRIP
I always prepare candles before taking ketamine, as I find electrical lighting somewhat alien. My vision at this point is poor - I have to concentrate hard on items to read them. Physically I am uncoordinated¹¹¹ and everything is much harder to do. I am unbelievably high in that my head is floating on top of my shoulders and my brain feels liquid in its skull.
Lighting the candles, I watch the flickering flames and feel them, there is a degree of empathy and I despite being placed sufficiently far from my open wardrobe, I understand their lust to grab at the fabric above and ignite it.
I sit on a chair and place my hands upon the large sideboard. The wood feels alive, or at least as if it were once a great entity. I find this incredibly calming.
Normally, I'd be quick to begin my standard routine of alcohol, cigarettes and valium but I am so comfortable with my headspace that I abstain from the alcohol - I am determined not to lose any memories I can possibly keep. I am drawn towards the cigarettes though - the sensation of smoking whilst 'floating' is pleasant.
I need to use the bathroom and have no option but switch on the light. Normally, I find the lack of symmetry in my face disturbing but the image seems incredibly 'manly' and I feel happy at this.
My mind was incredibly sharp at this point and I started to remember all the things I must do before sleeping - requirements to turn the phone back on, unbolt the door and even put a new roll of toilet paper in the downstairs toilet are provided.
I stayed awake for 3 hours, determined to sleep without valium. As hard as I try, neither masturbation nor television can bring about sleep. Grudgingly, I take 30mg of valium and continue watching tv. Fifteen minutes later, I realise that more valium is needed and 30mg more is taken. Sleep comes less than 30 minutes after, around 7am.
In response to the quote by Jamshyd - a k-hole is the whole, without constraint.
¹ - Based on the de-gunking of my right nostril, I'd have to assume that between 20 and 40mg of ketamine never contributed to this experience.
¹¹ - The bus analogy (or the concept of buses)was not present in my mind at that point of the experience, I used it here to offer greater clarity.
¹¹¹ - The lack of coordination was not nearly as severe as prior trips - I have struggle to remove the plastic wrap from a cigarette packet before.
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