So, I´m sitting here in my shitty spot here on the outskirts of Burlington Vermont. It is fucking freezing out. There are no longer any busses on Sunday. The people who are working minmimum wage jobs like myself are forced to call Ubers or otherwise not show up. I am a little more than a week away from starting my new job. I´m going to be working at a shelter for youths, or people under the age of 24.
My fingers feel like fucking wood right now. I´m 35 and Lupus is already destroying my joints, so what the fuck am I supposed to do when I´m 50? It´s kind of a scary prospect. I´m completely dependent on the bus to get aroune. The terminus for the bus in this area is downtown and that is where you will go to switch routes and ultimatlely get where you need to go. The bus terminal is the only heated place in town outside of the library in which homeless people can congregate and be warm. They have wifi at the bus terminal too. Anytime I have to go downtown, I swear the rabble of homeless individuals grows every day.
What´s more, I see more and more kids out here every day. They are not going to school like they should be. They are separating from society already and choosing to live on the streets. They all seem to get sucked up into the web of Fentanyl or whatever other Opioids are going around. I can´t really blame them. When I´ve been outside this period of my life, there have been moments where I´ve felt the desire to take a hit of some Opioid that will make me feel warm and safe for even a moment of my life. I see how kids without the proper understanding of the consequences get sucked it and they get sucked in quick.
The weathered faces of some of these kids is heartbreaking man. How does a 19 year old end up looking like she is 35-40 in such a short period of time? It wasn´t like this when I was younger. I used Heroin for 15 years and I still retain the majority of my health. Lupus is unrelated to the Heroin, so I´d say I´ve done pretty well for myself. I contracted Hep C in Cambodia and ended up clearing it naturally, thank god. I see so many people walking around with walkers and canes. They have injection injuries in their hips and in their legs that have left them crippled, potentially for life.
I see hopelessness on the face of everyone in this area. Everyone has the 1,000 yard stare of individuals who have been misused, disregarded, discarded and raped either literally or figuratively, over and over again. I see children on the street who you know never had parents to begin with. Maybe they ended up in foster care where they were abused/mistreated. Maybe cold nighhts out on the street in a tent is preferable to whatever their ¨home life¨ truly is. You can only wonder.
There is a small courtyard downtown that used to be the outdoor seating for a sushi place. Businesses have left or are leaving downtown as the homeless crisis cuts into the retail market of the area. There is no restaurant here anymore. It is covered by a metal roof that provides the feeling of cover for the individuals there. I walk by and see a cacophany of lights. People have their cell phone lights on, lighters are flicking. In the pitch black, there are about a dozen crack heads either cleaning their pipes for resin, smoking crack or searching for it on the ground. They put whatever debris they can find into their pipes and hope for one moment of freedom from their shitty lives. I see the draw, but I don´t get involved. I know the price of that momentary release... three steps backward.
In this world, even one step backward is enough to permanently condemn you to the hell that is the streets of Burlington. I am inside at this moment and warm. I do not know if I will be later or what my day will be like. I have to get to work, but there are no busses and to take an Uber would just be outrageous and stupid. You go to the food banks. They used to have good food if you got there in time. I was there last week twice. They had a couple of weird radishes, boxes of corn flakes, no milk, no peanut butter and boxes upon boxes of frito/lay chips. They had so much un-nutritious shit, it´a like, why do you even bother with any or this if we are just giving the kids and families unhealthy food.
Stealing dinner every night is not an option, for me or for anyone else. I have never been caught shoplifting in an entire life spent shoplifting when I needed to. I´m poor, but I´ve still got my Brooks Brothers shit and my Peacoat from my days of education and I wear that whenever I have to do dirt. Apparently, artifical intelligence is now employed in many stores in the area. They will record you taking things and wait until you rack up felony amounts then they will get you. So now, I´m forced to pay for my food every day and the cost is oppressive.
I have a short while before I´m back working my trade, god willing. I want to be giving back and being there for the kids as I was previously. They need the help the most. With any luck, I will be able to catch a few before they fall into addiction and homelessness. Every day is a struggle. Affording medcine, affording food. I´m just some single douchebag without dependents. I may be suffering currently, but at least I am not responsible for children. It´s just me in this situation.
Things seem really bad right now. Poverty is rough. Politics are shitty. I continue to put one foot in front of the other and like everyone here, try to be something for my community. I appreciate everyone on here who is taking the time to be there to help one another. That is what we need right now more than anyting, togetherness and understanding. There is too much hate right now, in life and on the streets. Every day, I feel myself getting sucked closer to that event horizon while struggling with everyting in my being to resist the pull into oblivion. I believe in myself and everyone on here who is struggling. I hope everyone has a good day. I´m going out into the frozen wastes to try to get to work
My fingers feel like fucking wood right now. I´m 35 and Lupus is already destroying my joints, so what the fuck am I supposed to do when I´m 50? It´s kind of a scary prospect. I´m completely dependent on the bus to get aroune. The terminus for the bus in this area is downtown and that is where you will go to switch routes and ultimatlely get where you need to go. The bus terminal is the only heated place in town outside of the library in which homeless people can congregate and be warm. They have wifi at the bus terminal too. Anytime I have to go downtown, I swear the rabble of homeless individuals grows every day.
What´s more, I see more and more kids out here every day. They are not going to school like they should be. They are separating from society already and choosing to live on the streets. They all seem to get sucked up into the web of Fentanyl or whatever other Opioids are going around. I can´t really blame them. When I´ve been outside this period of my life, there have been moments where I´ve felt the desire to take a hit of some Opioid that will make me feel warm and safe for even a moment of my life. I see how kids without the proper understanding of the consequences get sucked it and they get sucked in quick.
The weathered faces of some of these kids is heartbreaking man. How does a 19 year old end up looking like she is 35-40 in such a short period of time? It wasn´t like this when I was younger. I used Heroin for 15 years and I still retain the majority of my health. Lupus is unrelated to the Heroin, so I´d say I´ve done pretty well for myself. I contracted Hep C in Cambodia and ended up clearing it naturally, thank god. I see so many people walking around with walkers and canes. They have injection injuries in their hips and in their legs that have left them crippled, potentially for life.
I see hopelessness on the face of everyone in this area. Everyone has the 1,000 yard stare of individuals who have been misused, disregarded, discarded and raped either literally or figuratively, over and over again. I see children on the street who you know never had parents to begin with. Maybe they ended up in foster care where they were abused/mistreated. Maybe cold nighhts out on the street in a tent is preferable to whatever their ¨home life¨ truly is. You can only wonder.
There is a small courtyard downtown that used to be the outdoor seating for a sushi place. Businesses have left or are leaving downtown as the homeless crisis cuts into the retail market of the area. There is no restaurant here anymore. It is covered by a metal roof that provides the feeling of cover for the individuals there. I walk by and see a cacophany of lights. People have their cell phone lights on, lighters are flicking. In the pitch black, there are about a dozen crack heads either cleaning their pipes for resin, smoking crack or searching for it on the ground. They put whatever debris they can find into their pipes and hope for one moment of freedom from their shitty lives. I see the draw, but I don´t get involved. I know the price of that momentary release... three steps backward.
In this world, even one step backward is enough to permanently condemn you to the hell that is the streets of Burlington. I am inside at this moment and warm. I do not know if I will be later or what my day will be like. I have to get to work, but there are no busses and to take an Uber would just be outrageous and stupid. You go to the food banks. They used to have good food if you got there in time. I was there last week twice. They had a couple of weird radishes, boxes of corn flakes, no milk, no peanut butter and boxes upon boxes of frito/lay chips. They had so much un-nutritious shit, it´a like, why do you even bother with any or this if we are just giving the kids and families unhealthy food.
Stealing dinner every night is not an option, for me or for anyone else. I have never been caught shoplifting in an entire life spent shoplifting when I needed to. I´m poor, but I´ve still got my Brooks Brothers shit and my Peacoat from my days of education and I wear that whenever I have to do dirt. Apparently, artifical intelligence is now employed in many stores in the area. They will record you taking things and wait until you rack up felony amounts then they will get you. So now, I´m forced to pay for my food every day and the cost is oppressive.
I have a short while before I´m back working my trade, god willing. I want to be giving back and being there for the kids as I was previously. They need the help the most. With any luck, I will be able to catch a few before they fall into addiction and homelessness. Every day is a struggle. Affording medcine, affording food. I´m just some single douchebag without dependents. I may be suffering currently, but at least I am not responsible for children. It´s just me in this situation.
Things seem really bad right now. Poverty is rough. Politics are shitty. I continue to put one foot in front of the other and like everyone here, try to be something for my community. I appreciate everyone on here who is taking the time to be there to help one another. That is what we need right now more than anyting, togetherness and understanding. There is too much hate right now, in life and on the streets. Every day, I feel myself getting sucked closer to that event horizon while struggling with everyting in my being to resist the pull into oblivion. I believe in myself and everyone on here who is struggling. I hope everyone has a good day. I´m going out into the frozen wastes to try to get to work
