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Keeping faith in sobriety even when it seems hopeless.

VitamaN

VitamaN

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Sep 1, 2014
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:|:| Kicking opiates to the curb is difficult due to cravings but at the same time , the drugs don't really do anything for me anymore so they gotta go. It's that simple. I no longer have a deep personal struggle with drugs. My benzo use (no longer "abuse) is whats kicking my ass because the W/d is agony and potentially dangerous . I only used Klonopin on and off for months . Never years...and never over a couple months at a time , so I figured kicking it wouldnt be SO bad but it is. I taper... I maybe go too fast and next thing, BOOM. Full on withdrawal syndrome. It totally screws up my taper because I just end up taking a full MG for relief . I don't wanna feel like there's no chance... but those w/ds have that mental effect. Hopeless feeling. I no longer have that deep personal struggle with addiction. It has turned into nothing more than a miserable physical condition. A hardcore annoyance . I want out. I turn 32 at the end of Oct and I want my taper DONE by then. I want to go into age 32 pill free. Any words of wisdom? I have struggled with lots of other drugs for years and kicked them all but benzo w/d is hard fucking core.
 
Every experience we do clean is a learning experience. Even if we have experienced it before while under the influence. Its evidence that you can get through difficult situations without using.
 
Can you switch over to something even longer acting? I was prescribed Clorazepate (longest acting half life of 20 – 179 hours; ), then seizure medication (Gapapentin) for benzo withdrawal … It was no walk in the park, but those 2 meds were safer and more bearable to withdraw from.

That's great you are not in that deep struggle. I felt that way with Heroin, but not as much with benzos as they were never really enjoyable for me. I didn't crave them nor want to get high, but was prescribed them for an autoimmune medical condition (thyroid storm). That's when I saw an emergency psychiatrist that scripted me on the withdrawal medications to switch over.

The Ashton Manual is also helpful.

I'm grateful I went through it as I know the power of benzo addiction and won't touch them again. It was worse than opiates for me.
 
Since you're addicted to benzos, check into a detox/medical facility, and get clean that way.

Benzo withdrawal is no joke.

People have died from it, and the people I know who were addicted to benzos had seizures during withdrawal.

Good luck and stay safe.
 
PriestTheyCalledHim said:
Since you're addicted to benzos, check into a detox/medical facility, and get clean that way.

Benzo withdrawal is no joke.

People have died from it, and the people I know who were addicted to benzos had seizures during withdrawal.

Good luck and stay safe.
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Detox isn't really suitable for benzo withdrawal. The tapers are long and drawn out and it isn't feasible to stay in a medical facility for months on end.
 
straightrazor said:
Detox isn't really suitable for benzo withdrawal. The tapers are long and drawn out and it isn't feasible to stay in a medical facility for months on end.
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OK, my friends who I posted about who are addicted to benzos who got clean did so in a rehab/detox place since they could afford to stay there for months at a time, or the state/country they were in paid for their treatment.

They tried to taper themselves but it got really bad and they had seizures and then went to see a medical professional, and then went into a detox/rehab place.
 
VitamaN said:
:|:| Kicking opiates to the curb is difficult due to cravings but at the same time , the drugs don't really do anything for me anymore so they gotta go. It's that simple. I no longer have a deep personal struggle with drugs. My benzo use (no longer "abuse) is whats kicking my ass because the W/d is agony and potentially dangerous . I only used Klonopin on and off for months . Never years...and never over a couple months at a time , so I figured kicking it wouldnt be SO bad but it is. I taper... I maybe go too fast and next thing, BOOM. Full on withdrawal syndrome. It totally screws up my taper because I just end up taking a full MG for relief . I don't wanna feel like there's no chance... but those w/ds have that mental effect. Hopeless feeling. I no longer have that deep personal struggle with addiction. It has turned into nothing more than a miserable physical condition. A hardcore annoyance . I want out. I turn 32 at the end of Oct and I want my taper DONE by then. I want to go into age 32 pill free. Any words of wisdom? I have struggled with lots of other drugs for years and kicked them all but benzo w/d is hard fucking core.
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First congrats on making that choice Vit, second what is the worst part of the benzo wd for you? This would help to give guidance on possible other medication to help out with the symptoms.

Thx

Bob
 
bcfly7x7 said:
First congrats on making that choice Vit, second what is the worst part of the benzo wd for you? This would help to give guidance on possible other medication to help out with the symptoms.

people always say its anxiety that pushes them back to the benzos. Panic and anxiety were the reason I got on them, not for recreation . I took heavy doses to relax, i got no euphoria from them . The worst that happens is I get so uncomfortable , sensitive to light and sound and TOUCH. Can't stand the slightest touch , so even my clothes feel awful as the withdrawal sets in. I don't get rebound anxiety or shaky so much but I get COLD sweats, then hot sweats , then right back to cold...worse than opiate withdrawal and it happens in a flash. Id tough it out except for the fact I know its too dangerous to super man your way through it, and I'm also afraid of how long it'll last if I even tried. All that plus no sleep? Can't see it happening. The worst of my withdrawals are all physical. Mentally I feel ok but my body goes through hell. I've heard over and over from everyone including medical pros, only treatment for benzo detox is more benzos ...slow slow taper. I wish i could taper faster since I havent been using for 4 months but I guess I can't. fuck.
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lately, even when i miss a dose I don't get anxious. that was just an episode I was going through. now that I feel that...or KNOW that I no longer need them for anxiety, i wanna stop but then THAT ^ happens
 
The physical withdrawls feel shitty i know, just remember it will pass and if it mean slower taper then do it. And seek medical help id wouldnt do you any harm, to at least talk to a professional.

Make a scheme and stick to it, no mather what. If you have to stretch it out over months or longer, then do it.
Dont be a victim, be a winner, you can do it because we all can, you have to believe and keep faith. Better days WILL come.
 
Yeah man, I'm in a similar situation to you at the moment. I did an opiate detox (the most recent of many) not that long ago but I'm still doing a benzo taper at the moment. Don't get me wrong, it really sucks a lot of the time and I'm feeling constantly out of sorts, but it's manageable. It's manageable because it's happening at a speed I'm comfortable with and I have a good enough rapport with the people who prescribe for me to ask for a hold on the reduction if I need to, or speed up if I want to. I'm down from ~200mg diazepam a day to 12mg now.

Now everyone is different, but given that you asked I'll offer my personal opinion. First of all, I would forget about getting clean by the time you're 32. That's a meaningless deadline that will only serve as an extra pressure on yourself. If it happens then it happens, if it doesn't, so what? I can empathise with that feeling of wanting to be clean by a certain date or just wanting that first clean day, but IMO you need to be thinking long term. It's no good rushing towards a certain date if it's going to force you in to feeling a way that puts you at risk of relapse or going backwards in terms of dosage.

Having a planned speed for your taper is important, but it's also important to be flexible. Listen to your body and if it's saying slow down this is getting uncomfortable then slow down and take the time needed for things to level out before continuing. You need to be able to do things at a speed that's comfortable for you or you will likely just end up back in the situation you mention of taking a big dose to ease the discomfort and putting yourself back. I've done it myself and seen it happen to others.

Clonazepam is a long acting benzo but diazepam is the standard for a reduction. Are you doing this with the support of healthcare professionals or are you just trying to taper yourself? Having the support of a doctor/drug worker/whoever in a professional capacity can be hugely helpful, but of course there are downsides as well.

Anyway, post here or pm or something if you have any more specific questions.:)
 
Ya I think you're right about my stupid deadline... I just remember so many years of me "trying to do it right"...and I've been using all kinds of drugs since 12... took a long break a couple times. Maybe almost 2 years sober in total , but never really "made it" and always gave up.
When I said " I don't have a deep personal struggle" I meant that I don't CRAVE benzos and I don't feel like I need them in my life but all the will power in the world can't stop those damn withdrawal symptoms from kicking my ass and you're not the first person who said diazepam is the go to benzo for tapering so I should probably tell my doctor that I need it. My taper was going somewhat smoothly , actually really well for a couple weeks but when the w/d hit hard I totally fucked up and took a bunch of em. Major set back? I dunno. Now I have to find my maintenance dose and begin again. Ill take as little as I can to keep sickness at bay and reduce slowly from there. I'm due for a dr. appointment. Thanks guys for all the feedback. I really wasn't trying to be a victim or get pity or anything. I just know lots of you have been here before but im new to benzo w/d and only endured a very minor one before. This one doesn't feel so "minor"
 
If it brought you round to the place of realising you need to change things up to get to your goal then it wasn't a set back it was a necessary part of the journey.

Sounds like you're pretty on top of things mentally which is good, and it's just the physical side of things which you're finding hard? That's good news if so because in a way the physical side of things is a lot easier than the mental for lots of people. If you've got things going good and steady with your head then just find that rate of reduction that you can accomodate physically, and be prepared to be flexible.
 
Ya...its definitely the physical part that has me by the balls. I'm ready for "paws"... but i gotta get out from under this benzo shit. I'm so used to being a cold-turkey quitter but I met my match. This drug you just CAN'T stop abruptly unlike so many others. If I could just drop it like I said I would. Thanks for the support guys .
 
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