well-fucking-said!
I wish wed had someone like u at the Auckland chapter of NA, where
ALL the old-timers were elitist, condescending recovering addicts that
constantly looked down their noses at those still in their addiction and those trying to escape it!
I cudnt challenge them alone, and wen I thought hard enough I dont believe in the NA way for other reasons too, so I stopped going
however there is no doubt that if those pricks were swapped wiv ppl wiv ur philosophy on humility...well I may not believe the 'NA way' is right for me, but the meetings r definitely helpful, if u need to talk bout ur addiction, or u occasionally hear someone else say something that u really relate to - hell, u dont need to work the steps, get a sponsor or take on a Higher Power if u dont want to; I think its best to just go along, listen, and wen u need to, share (if ur clean that day)
wen I get off diazepam fully (22mg to go...) and I've been on MMT as long as I feel I need to, hav fully stabilised and am finally off methadone (plus only use utha drugs occasionally), I might return to NA - just not NA in Auckland! I'm going to tech in the rural South Island...I think I'll stay on MMT while I'm studying cos the last thing I need is Return Of Heroin Hunger, wen I'm a long way from home and vulnerable. But after that I plan to settle down (hopefully wiv Keira) and find a flat in an area, like Cambridge or Matamata, where there r plenty of racing studs that'd b keen to employ a groom/exercise rider/stud handler, for my first qualified job (I plan to move on from there and start my own sporthorse stud, and at that point I'd like to move down to the area surrounding the Kaimanawa Ranges as this is where I hail from, and will always b home for me...I'll hav to farm cattle/sheep as well as it takes a long time to make enough money for a living, off sporthorses alone)
anyway, my point is, Cambridge, Matamata and towns/cities close to the Kaimanawas like Taupo or Turangi, r all much smaller places than Auckland, wiv more laid-back folk, so maybe NA down in those places will b full of more humble, typical country folk - can only try going along to see!
sometimes I
do miss NA - but wat I miss is hearing ppl say things I cud relate to (which was comforting), being able to talk bout how my own recovery is going (cant speak during meetings now im on MMT - NA here consider methadone a psychoactive drug of abuse, and consider anyone, whos taken a dose earlier that day, to b 'under the influence'; therefore not allowed to speak...not clean; I do not get that - methadone doesnt make me 'high', and it pisses me off), and hanging out with my sponsor or my best friend afterwards, sometimes even going out to dinner wiv either of them
Keiras bn to some NA meetings in Hamilton, where she lives, and apparently u can b called 'clean' if ur on methadone, there...so theres some hope for my future as far as NA goes, just...I never want to b pressured into the whole Higher Power thing, doing the steps, and having a sponsor again (IMO those things r pointless, its the meetings that count and wat u get out of them - but each to their own)
sorry, long reply, u know me - chose to avoid looking at the pics (thanks for the NSFWs
), but loved wat u had to say,
as usual!
